DS Boarding choices Y9 - advice please

[Ahwoo]

Hi, I'm an overseas parent, with a DS who is thinking about boarding in Y9.
Where we are we don't have prep schools, so the only advice comes from 'agents' who, in general, do a good job but I wonder also if they may be steering me towards their preferred schools rather than what may be best for DS.

They have given me a list of schools, and I have done as much background research as I can (except visit - which is nigh on impossible given my line of work, and these schools cost, so I need to work ). GSG, Tatler, A-level/IB/GCSE results etc. done all of that, check.

Abingdon
Bromsgrove
Caterham
Dauntsey's
Kings School Canterbury
Lancing
Oundle
Shrewsbury
Whitgift

If anyone has any comments, positive or negative, please post or pm me if you prefer.
Thanks in advance.

A bit about DS. Academically he's able & the agent said he easily meets the academic criteria for the above. He loves football (hates Rugby). Not very music oriented (although his highest grades are in music! & can play the piano). Fluent English, so EAL not required. He's friendly, popular at school, but I think he's a people person - he doesn't like to be alone, so pastoral care is something I probably rate above all else at this point.

(phew! hope that's not too long winded)

LIZS I did look at the ratios on full boarders vs total students initially to streamline the shortlist but came up against some problems once I dug a little deeper.
For example: Dulwich has ~100 boarders vs 1000+ students, so I crossed that off the list. However, I subsequently spoke to an international boarder there and he absolutely loves it, says there are loads to do at the weekends and despite only 100 boarders on-site, he did not feel it was a problem at all. (I may have to put Dulwich back on the shortlist).

Similarly, Whitgift (or was it Bromgrove? I forget), which is in the middle of a major expansion of its boarding facilities, so while the ratio is low now, this is changing for the better from September.

But I think you do need to compare those stats for year7/year9/year12 as you will find in many cases it changes significantly as pupils get older. Whitgift is still very much a local school, even boarders are largely from London and SE who prefer it to the hassle of commuting.

I agree with LIZ many of those full boarders will be much older boys often 6 th formers, any who flexi/weekly board are likely to be local with local friends interests etc. We've spent over 10 years with our DS's full boarding we've many friends with children who are boarding, the commonest complaint I hear from friends is that their chosen school in not a full boarding school after all, schools lie are notoriously economical with the truth when it comes to numbers actually full boarding and my friends moan because they are schlepping half way round England every weekend because their children are lonely and bored in school. If your DS is a "people person" this even more relevant.
Most of us on here and all my friends with DC's boarding will say the same thing if you want full boarding choose a full boarding school.

Whitgift is expanding it's boarding but it is a day school with boarders. It has a fairly generous bursary programme so attracts day boys from a very wide area.
You have to decide what you want a 24/7 school where the entire thing is set up to provide school, activities, staff on site, basically a large community 7 days a week so a boarding ethos or a day school where 90% go to there own homes and there own lives every night and all weekend with boarders therefore a day ethos.

You might want to add Sherborne to your list I believe it's a full boarding school, there's also Sherbourne girls I think they come together so some lessons.

Have you thought about the north at at ? We have lots of overseas students and manchester airport is available by train ? There is Bootham in York, great pastoral care, no rugby !

Isn't there a mum on here with a DD at Boothams who weekly boards there I think she said there few full boarders.
You really need to estatablish the actual numbers of full boarders ISI reports state the supposed number but they don't define full boarding as in school all weekend. Thinking out loud I suspect that it might be more important for boys, listening to friends with girls they seem better at inviting their full boarding friends back to their homes at weekends etc. I get the impression it's not that boys don't want to invite friends back its they just don't always think about it.

Brunch and archery on for full boarders at Bootham today ! Yes it has more weekly boarders but there are a fair few full boarders. I think it's very difficult to pick a school without visiting it, as there is a different ethos at each one. You need to pick one that fits your child, do you want a very traditional, religious boarding school ? There is Ampleforth ? That has a lot of full boarders and is in a very beautiful area.

Ahwoo a day school or weekly boarding school with a few full boarders if well run with lots of weekend activities will still feel like a longer term EFL holiday course at the weekends. That may be fine for some especially if other features of the normal school day compensate. It is however a different feel and experience from when the whole school community is engaged in boarding.
Regarding your visits, make sure the interviews are combined with a good look round your shortlisted schools

Just to add having read up thread, I would be tempted by HG's suggestion of the two Sherborne schools to put on the shortlist for your DCs. They both have a good reputation and would fulfil the single sex full boarding whilst still making travel arrangements easier and allowing the comfort of having a sibling close by and an expanded social life when they get older.

summer the interviews will be here, in my current country of residence - yes, the heads & admissions staff of these schools actually fly 13+hrs to interview candidates in this part of the world!
The agents usually coordinate it so that 20+ schools are represented on a particular week in September. Candidates are interviewed during the evenings and weekends (I imagine it would be a bit like speed dating). Conditional offers are made on the back of a successful interview. A pat on the back and good luck in the entrance exams.

EFL holiday course - that's a nice way to put it. I like that .

Sherborne I will check, but have a feeling that I've probably missed the deadline on that one.

prettywhite no, no religion. Not that we are against religion or anything, just that we're not religious ourselves.

Ahwoo as you previously noted you are not too concerned about distance from the airport. Obviously choosing the correct school is the most important part but do remember that a long journey after a 13 1/2 hour flight can be very tiring at the beginning of term, unless of course you have a guardian your DS will visit en route. It is also important to ask the individual schools what time international boarders are allowed into their boarding houses at the beginning of term. I know of at least one school with full boarders that doesn't allow them to return until the evening. DH on your other thread allows the girls to arrive straight from LHR at any time during the day. By the time my DCs were in senior school they would get a taxi to the station and then train to the airport. Although a school may have a number of international boarders their flights may not be at the same time. So schools use taxi companies and this IME can be very expensive.

Ahwoo in which case once your DS has a choice of offers (likely) then you could make the trip to make a final decision. It will be time and money well spent.
I would be pretty sure that the Sherborne schools would be reasonably flexible with deadlines at this stage for both your DCs.
goinggetough is right of course if otherwise there is no other major deciding factor.

Do you have to pay a registration fee for each interview? Something tells me the recommended list will miraculously coincide with those schools visiting. Tbh it never ceases to amaze me how several posters appear on MN each year are still happy to send their dc 1000s of miles away without visiting the school or meeting the staff who will be in loco parentis. Do bear in mind those visiting to interview will be primed to give a particular impression which may or may not reflect the reality, just like the glossy brochures and website.

Hi Ahwoo yes they are currently boarding. I understand the problems for expats in terms of visiting schools for sure - it could be hard to see for those not in our position. We did manage to see one school for our children and part of me wishes I could have seen more but knowing myself as i do if i had that luxury I would still be choosing. One thing for sure is that they love boarding and theres far more to do there than where we are from - middle of nowhere. Maybe we just struck lucky so six school moves later we are thanking our stars and glad we are not kicking ourselves. Definately go for full boarding if you can and try and find other expats - they understand each other.

I fairly recently looked at a school for a friend who couldn't visit because she was abroad? I gave her a very honest unbiased opinion of the school it was fun to see it (I'm very nosey). Perhaps as I wasn't a parent but understood boarding in general and I'd no axe to grind either way as it wasn't my money paying for it I looked at it with different eyes. I wasn't expecting it to be wonderful or rubbish I just looked at it objectively. Anyway I recommended it she's there now and it's been a great success.

Hi
I have kids at Abingdon and can't speak highly enough of it - great school for able kids who are interested in lots of different extra curricular activities. V happy with pastoral care.
But it isn't a boarding school. It does have boarders but they are either london kids who go back to London on weekends (ie weekly boarders) or Chinese kids, basically. I have asked my year 9 son for stats from his year and he says that there are 26 boarders in his year of 160, of which about 6-8 are weekly boarders and the rest from China. He says the boarding houses are v nice with good rooms and they go on lots of trips etc. he thinks they have a good time.

I know sherborne and sherborne girls pretty intimately as well, as I was sent there as a boarder from my home 5000 miles away in the 1980s! It would be a v nice choice to send your kids to those two schools. They are seperate schools but with lots of socialising and camaraderie together as well as joint music, drama, some lessons etc. don't underestimate the benefit to sibling relationships of a shared experience like that. They will be closer as siblings if they have shared friendship groups and school experiences from either a co-ed school or the pretty unique set up of sherborne and SSG. It will also be much easier for both you and your parents to deal with two kids in the same town with the same term dates etc than one in Sussex and one in Berkshire or whatever...

overseasmum I understand the problems for expats in terms of visiting schools for sure - it could be hard to see for those not in our position
I can understand if both parents are in active service in the armed forces when the choice has to be made. I am curious to understand the other reasons that explain why, in the context of the decision and difficulty in sending a DC away to the relative unknown, the organisation and cost of travelling for some school visits (timed for the same few days) are not surmountable.

Happy we should be able to hire you out for sure. Glad your friends DC is enjoying boarding.
Summerends its as it is - we managed to see a school, we were more than happy with it, our DCs are pretty easy going, they wanted to go there, no school is perfect but it ticked so many boxes such as full boarding and near family, it was way better than we had here. I just feel lucky having the capacity to send them to one of these schools because the alternative for us is not favourable so we just got on with it. If it didn't work out you know we can change it - that's not the end of the world. I hope anyway. We figured that we could spend what would amount to a few hours in a variety of schools over several trips but we would be no wiser in that amount of time as all the schools I am sure would be on their best behaviour. You cannot get to the core of a school in a few hours so lets just tick as many boxes as we can. We do not have the opportunity to see the same school several times before we make a choice and we do not move in boarding circles. When we move country we are often given a school or there is only one to choose from or that has spaces so I guess we've learnt to make do and try and get the best out of our time there. Its just a different way of living. We learn how to adapt as expats and to do that it means looking for the positives in a place - we just try to do that.

"You cannot get to the core of a school in a few hours"
This is very true I visited DS's school three times before I could get to the "core" of what it was all about. I suppose MN is a good place to find out about the reality of a school. The only problem is that some only see and thus talk about the positive aspects they just endlessly sings it's praises, no where is that perfect or if it was who'd want to be there. As I said above what one person likes another would hate. Two similar families also can have different experiences, there was a mum on her a couple of years ago who was exceedingly unhappy with DS2's school, she like me was a current parent, her description of her experiences couldn't have been further removed from mine.
I think OP you should draw up with your DS a list of must/mustn't haves. So for example I have a particular (some would say ridiculous) loathing of outdated fancy uniform, it's a small thing for many but it matters to me, DS didn't want rural/small market town, distance from home was essential for us, we were ambivalent at the time of making our choice about single sex versus coed although now I think I favour single sex, we wanted super selective, we didn't need a golf course, polo, single rooms or en suite bathrooms. You say your DS is a musician check that if he does music he can also say do art as well if he's a budding artist, how many MFL's will he have to learn if he's desperate to learn Russion will that clash with music? Is the general standard of music similar to his own or will he be so much better that he's always being asked to be in every orchestra or not as good and never getting a chance to play at all? It's the little details that will significantly contributes to how successful a school is for a child and parents.
A friend sent her DD to a well known school often talked about on here, on the new pupils day they received a timetable of all the extra curricular activities, they were so excited, her daughter is an all rounder and general lover of life, everything all under 1 roof so to speak, she could ride on Tuesdays, be in the jazz band on Wednesday sing in the choir three times week, be in the orchestra 3 times a week as well, keep up the all important ballet lessons and swim in her spare time.
On arrival it quickly became apparent it wasn't like that, only second years could ride and when she became a second year the day changed and it clashed with her orchestra practice, the choir master was very possessive and she couldn't be in the jazz band, there was a long waiting list to join the ballet class, first years couldn't go to the swimming pool unsupervised only older children (timing were left off the original details). At he end of two years my friend removed her DD for a variety of reasons but one was she just simply didn't get the opportunities they has originally believed she would, London based they didn't need to stump up large sums of money for something they could weren't really getting when they could easily get it at home for less. I always say if it matters to you ask.

overseasmum of course you can't get to the core of a school but with my DCs some schools for different senior education stages that seemed perfect for their needs by reputation etc just from one visit were excluded because of ' not feeling right' to the DCs. Three we were determined to like and in fact did go through entrance process but first impressions were n't changed in the end.

Also would echo what HG says -the package of academics and activities may have slants and attainment /teaching capacity that when it comes down to the reality may not offer much added value to one DC although it might to an other. That information is more likely to be discovered by the opportunity to observe and off-guard questions to pupils.

overseasmum thanks for chiming in, you understand. I don't think I could've put it any better than what you said above.

Its not that I don't want to visit, its more that I can't do it in a practical way that would be value-added to the decision process. With DD, because she was quite decisive early on, we were able to prepare and visit a handful of schools earlier this year. And whilst the trip was useful in eliminating some of the schools on our shortlist (probably obvious choices on hindsight), I don't think any of the 2-3hr visits were really enough to "clinch it" for us. As happy notes, it probably takes 3, maybe more visits to get a firm grasp of the ins & outs of the place.

summer yes. Sometime between the interviews/offers & the entrance exams, we will try to visit some of these insititutions if we can. By then, the shortlist would probably have been whittled down substantially (just that I would rather be eliminating names now by choice than leaving it to fate of the interviews in September).

celestrial thanks for that. Another endorsement for Sherborne. Would have to run that by DD, because Sherborne was not on her initial list.

I sympathise with your position -hard enough doing all this when based in the UK. My contribution:

1. not that many on the list seem suitable at all. Dulwich and Whitgift are great but are almost entirely day schools - the boarding is only a small add-on. A useful add-on and perfectly good as that but not at all what you want if you are actively selecting a boarding school and are expats. Also both are major rugby schools! Caterham -don't know it but suspect boarding is also an add-on. Really - please just don't do it.
2. a big selling point for Lancing is that it is friendly to weekly boarding - not great for those who are there for full boarding. It's not even like it is in a town or city where the remaining boarders can go. Same applies to others on the list. Good test is to see if Saturday school - if no then that may suggest a regime structured for day pupils or weekly boarding.
3. Oundle probably best bet for full boarding (maybe King's too but don't know so can't comment). A big school which draws from all over (ie not just local area) and so much less likely to empty out.
4. I would question your agent as to why other obvious choices aren't on the list eg Uppingham. Yes, you are a bit late on application dates but it looks like some of the suggested schools are being flexible with application dates?
5. it certainly would be convenient to have both children in the same place or geographically near each other. Co-ed v single sex is a whole debate but the houses are single-sex and your son will not find the atmosphere at all girly.
6. if you go for Oundle or similar then if your daughter doesn't like her choice, she can always switch to the same school.

Good luck.

dustylaw
Thanks for the comments.

The agent had Uppingham in the list but I think I omitted it in my haste to post the original message. Oops!
Do you have experience of it?

It's not DS who favors single-sex, it's DD