Remind me what are the questions I need to ask at secondary school visit ...?

[roisin]

I need a question that is going to elicit the blinding flash of light that means "Yes, this is definitely the place for ds1."

We have a 'safe' option of an independent school, but atm this school is the 'high-risk' alternative. It has the potential (IMO) to be better for ds1 than the other, but there is also more possibility that he will fail to thrive there.

What are your concerns? Why do you think the school is higher risk than the other school? And why do you think it has the potential to be better?

Do the answers to the above questions prompt questions you don't want to ask?

I think it is reasonable to ask about pastoral care, about how a school would cater for a child like yours, about how children are selected for particular activities where appropriate, and about how the school would deal with a child who was not thriving there. If you get frosty answers to any of those questions (or any other reasonable but awkward questions), or feel completely unable to ask them, it's probably the wrong school.

When we toured yesterday we were told to ask our guide - a Y8 pupil - absolutely anything. It was emphasised nothing was out of bounds.

It was tempting to ask how many pupils took drugs, got pregnant, got approached by dodgy people when waiting for parents to pick them up, but I refrained myself (mainly cos another family with us).

So what did you ask Sue?

Hallgerda - Our concerns are mainly about settling in: it's a very big school, and ds1 would quite possibly not know anyone at all when he started. We would have to do quite a marketing job to persuade him it was the best option and the one he wanted (that is possible as he is quite malleable), but the first year might be a very tough year for him. (He's not got great social skills.) In addition there's the complication that he might not actually get in ...

The "potential to be better" is to do with it being a more modern, forward-thinking education; with lots of opportunities in all sorts of directions. With the possibility of a broader/deeper education than the more narrow, traditional, 'academic' one he would get at the independent school. (Though it has to be said that would suit him quite well as he is a nerdy, geeky, academic type!)

You are going to have to do a marketing job to persuade your son he really wants to go to a school he might not get in to. That doesn't sound like a good idea - the secondary transfer process is bad enough without piling the pressure on yourself and your son in that way. I'd stick with the safe option. Or visit the "high risk" school with your son and listen to his view on the matter.

My DS1 started in September at a school at which he didn't know anyone, and it's gone quite well for him. I think it may have helped that there were a lot of others in that situation. There was an induction afternoon in July, and a summer sports course, on which he had a chance to get to know other new Year 7 pupils. You could ask the school whether there are many pupils who know no-one to start off with, and how the school helps those pupils to settle in.

On the "opportunities in all directions" point, it's worth exploring how many of those opportunities are outside school time and to whom they are open. (One of my local schools seemed quite appealing on the "breadth" front, until I realised that much of it was out-of-hours and I wanted DS1 to have some life outside school.)

Were you here at the junior school? (No). Did you know anyone here when you came? (1 person from the school I was at). How did you find settling in? (It was really big to start with but everyone was friendly and I soon made friends)

Then specific things that came to mind as we walked round to do with each subject area, how work is timetabled, whether the dining hall gets busy, do they still have to go offsite for hockey, etc.

Ask what are the arrangements for settling in new Y7.

At dd1's school they had the following:

Individual meeting for parents + child with the head, prior to which the child had filled in a form describing their interests, hobbies, favourite subjects etc. Stated purpose was so that we could know who the head was and always feel we could approach her with any concerns;

Half day in early July where all new Y7 went to school to meet their form tutors and the rest of their form group, get familiar with the classroom layout etc;

Sunday afternoon barbeque a couple of days later for new Y7 families organised by the parents association -- there was fund-raising element to it as you had to pay for tickets, but really a way for children to meet up again with their form group in a less formal setting;

Introductory mass for new Y7 and their parents on the first day of school year in September;

Parents-only information evening early in September, where we were left in not doubt as to what was expected of us (!);

Parents, Y7 children and staff social evening about 3 weeks into terms, so we could meet staff and dd1's classmates + parents in an informal setting and start putting names to faces.

This is an exceptional set-up, but shows the lengths that can be gone to. By contrast, the school to which most of dd1's friends have gone to organised individual meetings early in July for the parents + child to meet the head, at which the parents all ended up feeling as if they were being given the third degree. That was it.

Roisin, can you not apply to both the state and private schools and defer decision till nearer the time? You do get a feel for how a school works as you go through the admissions procedure. One other tip is to phone up the school incognito and ask some slightly dozy question about eg. the admissions arrangements. The reactions you get are quite revealing -- some school secretaries bend over backwards to be helpful, others will give you the 'oh god, not another stupid parent wasting my time' routine. Then extrapolate that three years down the line when you have to raise some issue with the school.

Thanks all. We can and will apply to both, in case unforeseen problems occur with either of them.

I hate the fact that I'm agonising about secondary schooling, but it seems such a crucial decision for me; and I wish it were an easier one.

I really feel for you. I am agonising too. DH thinks I'm mad, partic since the issue doesn't need to raise its head for another year (DD only Y5).

Trying to choose between two private schools. DD will almost certainly do well in either. There's a big difference in the fees but the more expensive one is on the doorstep so no bus fees and lunch is included in the fees. Lots of other minor points but aaaaargh...!!!!!

We're only yr5 too SueW, but we want to get the decision made as it were, before we get ds1 involved int he decision-making, iyswim!