Regretting turning down a grammar school place

[ASingleJourney]

A friend of ours turned down a grammar school place for her DS in favour of an indie but is now having second thoughts.

She's wondering whether it is possible to reverse her decision or to go on the waiting list? If it is possible for her DS to go on the waiting list, will he be at the bottom or at the top (according to his exam results)?

Any insights would be much appreciated.

Sorry to have sparked such controversy.

Our friend actually tried to turn down the indie - twice, in fact - but the indie wouldn't take no for an answer and came back with higher scholarship amounts. They were flattered by the attention from the indie (it is an extremely well-regarded school) but now have some jitters about the path to which they have committed.

We don't think our friend feels entitled - she simply wants to understand her DS's options re: the grammar school and, if he is allowed to join the waiting list, where he would be situated.

Thanks, all, for sharing your views and insights.

Would second the caution about losing deposit and a term's fees (thought of course the grammar will still be cheaper in the long run). Worth checking the t&cs carefully as it is common for scholarship fee discounts not to apply to fees in lieu of notice.

The answer is that you can go on the waiting list for the school and the relative place on the waiting list will be determined by the admission criteria. From other posts it seems this is around a minimum "pass" mark and then distance. As you were offered a place and then rejected it one can assume that you met the pass criteria and were reasonably high on the distance criteria. One might therefore assume that you will be fairly high on the admission criteria list but whether the offer of a place will materialise will depend on the level of mobility there is in pupils. Usually that is fairly small in grammar schools.
You might well be better advised to apply for a place again, be rejected so you go on the waiting list and then go to appeal.You have nothing to loose and you will obviously fit the attainment criteria. Your case is going to have to be around the fact that having decided to go independent that you have realised that this simply not right for your child and that the grammar school offers the following advantages. It will be a bit of falling on one's sword and admitting you made a bad mistake. Whether that will be enough to get a place, I am not convinced but it is your only way forward other than sitting on the waiting list.
Do not be put off by the date by which appeals were meant to be submitted, the appeal "season" is just starting so it might be you could be looking at an appeal date very shortly if both you and the school /admission authority get going on it. If they say it is too late or that there is a timetable and it will be a long time, then that is wrong. It is never to late to appeal and you can also sign to agree to go to an appeal hearing at short notice under the regs.

I feel your friend should consider, very carefully, what benefits the independent school might bring over the grammar school. If there are grammar schools nearby, is the independent school truly first class? Where I live there are state grammar schools but no top class independents except one which has a well known name but not stellar results. The local grammar school is way better for that. However it is not all about results. Many people choose independent schools for other than purely academic reasons. Many families have been to top independent schools for generations. I think an honest appraisal of what each school offers is the best way forward. If it is purely a decision based on academics, the grammar school might be just as good.

Yes, will have to pay the fees, but can't imagine that will deter them from going onto the waiting list, as one term of fees is little compared to 21 terms of fees,which is what 7 years of independent ed amounts to.
OP can go onto waiting list, holding onto the Independent school place until the point if and when she gets an offer from the grammar. This wouldn't be immoral, as isn't holding 2 places. This is exactly why the independents ask for a terms fees - as this kind of thing happens a lot. And I think that a terms worth of fees is getting away with it lightly tbh. The school might have hired an extra teacher on the basis of a few more pupils and if that amount drop out after the teacher is hired, their salary will still have to be paid whilst a few lots of 1 term of fees might not cover it.

What is OPs friend planning to do if she goes on the waiting list and DOESNT get the grammar place? Will she cough up and go independent, planning to be there for 7 years once starting, or look round for an alternative state option? Is it truly not being able to afford it (seems unlikely - why would you get to this point if this was the case) or is it just cold feet at the thought of the fees and lifestyle impacts? I suspect that if there is no grammar place forthcoming, they will cough up for the private school. Might always kick themselves though!

Is there any chance that they go on the waiting list, receive an offer again for the grammar and then turn it down again? The reasons that made them turn the grammar down first time round, may make them do it again, when it really comes to it.

OP I suspect your friend has cold feet at the thought of the cost and is just speculating to you about what she might do, but in reality has thought through her decision and will stick with it, although feeling a bit anxious. Turning down a great free place in order to pay for years is something people do after lots of soul searching, and I suspect all but the richest feel a bit worried they might have made a mistake at some point. However we make our choices and then we must live with them.

I would say that until the child starts the school, it IS possible to change ones mind, as long as one is prepared to pay any financial penalties. So if they really think the grammar would be best, they should get on that waiting list tomorrow and not hang about. If however the child starts at the private school, I think they should stick with it then.

Re the waiting list it depends on the individual grammar school's published admissions criteria. For example, the one DS is going to the position on the waiting list is determined firstly by score, so those with the highest score in the 11+ will be at the top of the list, regardless of when they joined the list. If there is more than one place and more than one child in the highest score, they will look at distance.

Another local grammar has different criteria, which do not take score into account ( except you have to have passed ), those on waiting list are taken first by distance.

Many thanks for the additional insights.

We think our friend had set her sights on the grammar school but was then "persuaded" by the indie and is now questioning whether she made the right decision. Don't really know what she/they will ultimately do (even if they are able to secure the grammar school place).