What would you do about this teacher, who genuinely seems to dislike DD?

[MyballsareSandy]

I find it hard to challenge teachers as I was brought up to believe they were god-like, as were doctors! However, as an adult I realise there are good and bad teachers and doctors, like all professions.

I have two daughters in year 9, they are in most of the same classes. DD1 is quiet, conscientious and gets on with things. DD2 is a chatterbox, bit scatty, forgets stuff if I don't remind her. Capable but treats school as a bit of a social, despite teachers and myself/DH having constant chats about how important the next couple of years are.

Anyway, I know her chattiness must be hugely annoying to teachers and parents evening was much along those lines, bright, capable of achieving well, but won't unless she puts in more effort and buckles down. They all seemed to like her, said she was a pleasant member of class etc etc.

Until our last appointment of the evening with her music teacher. This lady sat there with her lip curled spouting negative stuff about DD for approx 5 min until I intervened. I started to talk and she spoke over me, telling me that I must have had an horrendous parents evening and she was sure that every teacher must have told me how rude and troublesome DD was. I put her straight, telling her that she was the first teacher to ever mention rudeness in her 2.5 years at the school and how surprised I was.

DD said she wasn't rude but struggled to understand why the teacher consistently treated her so harshly compared to the rest of the class. Teacher denied this and we left it that I would speak to DD and try to get to the bottom of her behaviour in this particular class. DH was cross at the teachers rudeness to be fair, talking over us, curling her lip etc.

Anyway, sorry this is long. My other Dd, who is in the same class, confirmed that this teacher is very harsh with DD and most of it is unprovoked. This was backed up by friends in the same class, I didn't go fishing for comments/opinions, they happened to be here one evening and this teacher's name was mentioned, they all commented on her treatment of DD.

We told DD that she had 13 lessons left this term, to keep her head down, do what she's told and then music is finished, as she's not taking it as an option. Don't do anything that could be misconstrued as rudeness, don't chat etc etc. She tried this last week and was immediately hauled out of class for having the wrong type of shoes on. Her shoes had been damaged the previous evening and I had written a note to her form tutor apologising and explaining we would be buying new ones at the weekend. Other children had non uniform stuff on but they were ignored.

The teacher emailed me that evening saying she was tempted to put her in detention as she was not wearing correct uniform and she was chatty and uncooperative. I replied saying she needed to be consistent with all the pupils, how lots of people had commented on her unfair treatment of DD and that I hoped we could come to some agreement regarding DD as there were only 13 lessons left of the school year, and it would be a shame to end on this note. She didn't reply.

Fast forward to yesterday, if you're still with me!! As soon as DD walked into the class, the teacher accused her of lying to me. And kept on about it for most of the lesson. She hasn't contacted me at all.

So what do I do? Apologies for the length of this, but she has really pissed me off and I'm not good at challenging/complaining face to face, but I feel DD needs me to fight her corner on this.

There's only two things here that you can actually complain about, but you can complain with good cause. The first is the shoes incident because you had already written a letter and the teacher should have given DD a chance to explain (don't worry about what other children were wearing at this stage, no one will pay any attention to that.)
The second is the accusation of lying made publicly in class. She went way over the mark. I would focus on that and take it to the Head of Year. It is bullying and it is humiliating. If the teacher had a problem she should have discussed it with you, not DD.
I'm afraid everything else only suggests that she has less tolerance of disruptive behaviour than the other teachers but I am not for a minute saying that your daughter's misreading the situation, especially as her sister is in the same class!
I am horrified by bullying from a teacher but I have experience of teaching children who don't listen in class and talk when other teachers or pupils are speaking and I always make a point of explaining that their behaviour is disrespectful to their peers as well as to me. I also make a point of not repeating what I have just said if they do it too many times! I tell them I am not going to shout, they have to make sure they can hear me! I would meet the school half way and say you acknowledged there was a problem after parents evening and DD was trying really hard to behave. This incident now threatens to undermine the conversation you had with her.

If you don't want to go into school, you could consider forwarding the e-mail that you sent to the teacher to the deputy, and asking her to clarify why there hasn't been a response, despite the teacher initiating the e-mail exchange.

Also, focus on that you'd written a letter re the shoes to avoid exactly this type of situation occurring.

Obviously your DD hasn't been the model pupil, but I agree that this teacher is taking it too far. You informed the school about the shoes situation, she should have accepted that. Teachers do pick on pupils sometimes. DD1's Physics teacher did it earlier this year. I encouraged her to speak to the Head of Department, who organised a discreet lesson observation (which leads me to think DD was not the only complainant). The bullying behaviour from the teacher stopped. In DD's situation it was also the case that the Physics teacher was the ONLY teacher to say anything negative about DD. Not all teachers get it right, you should follow this up.

Let me preface this by saying that teaching is an incredibly stressful job, and that you never know what is going on in someone else's life to make them act in the way that they do.

That said, I agree with most of the posters here that you do need to bring this to the attention of the teacher's superiors. No child should feel afraid or unhappy to go to school. I think you've shown a huge amount of restraint in your dealings with her, and that's going to be important going forward. Before going into the meetings I would try to put aside your feelings and argue the case dispassionately, as difficult as this will be. I would also frame it as showing concern for both parties. You're worried about your DD's happiness in school, but also for the teacher's situation and wellbeing, as this does not sound like the behaviour of someone who is happy and supported in their job. It's important to look for a solution that helps everyone. Good luck!

Have you posted about this before OP - I recall reading something very similar.

I didn't update on this. I did speak to a senior member of staff about this teacher. The result was a charm offensive on DD by teacher and the remaining lessons were very positive for her.

I've just had her end of term report and she's gone up three sub levels in half a term despite not enjoying the subject and not changing the way she worked. Funny how the teacher changed once she knew we were on to her.

Perhaps your DD did change her attitude too? I'm surprised you seem to be pleased that your DD achieved progress "despite not changing the way she worked" since you had indicated she constantly chats etc. I do hope you pointed out to your DD at some stage that other children in her class might find "chatter boxes" or children who treat school " as social" as really disruptive and that it impacts on their leaning.

I am so glad you stuck up for your daughter. Well done, plenty wouldn't.

Many teachers play down the chatty, low level disruption especially to doting parents of able children. Clearly your dd is a PITA in music. The teacher didn't dress it up for you. Your dd may be delightful to you but I have seen lovely children be v rude and disrespectful to staff, sometimes to several teachers, sometimes just with one. They often then say that this teacher picks on them etc. Yes their friends will back them up. Your dd will pick up on you and your husbands reaction and the fact that you are seeking to understand this by asking others if this is all in fact true. I would advise you to try and see this more objectively.

Threads like this make me wonder why we bother sometimes. Your DD is chatty and disrespectful, clearly causing low-level disruption in lessons, and somehow it's the teacher at fault?

The biggest issue with low level disruption is that is impacts on the whole class. As an isolated incident, it's not that bad - one child speaking out of turn who stops when asked to is fine. One child who persists in talking is enormously disruptive and means that the teacher has to keep telling them off or escalate it. Suddenly, to the child, it feels like they're being picked on - "Miss is always going on at me" - well yes, "Miss" is, but if you would stop doing what you're doing, she wouldn't have to.

High expectations in classrooms are important, and it's important that teachers adhere to them. It helps if parents support that rather than blindly supporting their DC. Children need to learn that their desire to chat to their friends does not trump the right of others in the class to learn, and any child who does believe that is pretty arrogant.

Having just read the bit about your dd being told off for wearing the wrong type of shoes - these aren't the same shoes she was sent home to change without 'fair warning' 3 months later are they?