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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

My son hates school

13 replies

kaf0103 · 19/04/2015 23:02

My 13 year old son hates school, he is in year 8 and becomes upset every morning . He says it is because of the teachers, we have a very close relationship and I have asked about bullying etc but he swears there's nothing going on. He has a small group of friends but doesn't really socialise outside school, he is happy to stay at home. I've tried lots of different clubs but he's just not interested, I have recently joined the gym and we both go, he enjoys it and it has taken his mind off school a little. It's really upsetting seeing him so stressed about it and I really don't know what to do, any advice please?

OP posts:

lbnblbnb · 19/04/2015 23:21

I am really sorry to hear that. Is there someone at school you feel able to talk to and see if they can find out anything more? His year head, or tutor, or pastoral worker? Does he seem ok with the work, is he finding homework hard? What are his reports and grades like? Is he getting into trouble at school? Has anything else happened that might me making him feel down? I hope you can find out what is up, he sounds unhappy. Good luck.

Wolfiefan · 19/04/2015 23:25

All the teachers or one in particular? What about them upsets him?

neuroticnicky · 19/04/2015 23:46

I think you should press him on the bullying- often boys don't want to admit to this. It isn't that normal for teenagers to be upset about the teachers - I would ask some of the other mums about how their kids are finding the teachers.

Millymollymama · 20/04/2015 09:47

Are these friends really friends if he does not want to socialise with them at all? This is rather odd in my view. Why don't you invite some of these children round and then you might get some inside information about the school? Children love talking "shop" to parents. You may even find they are all happy.

I think you have provided quite a cosy atmosphere for your DS because you seem to describe a child who just wants to be with you. He does not appear to be interested in anything else or anyone else. I would try and break out of this relationship because hating teachers is probably just an excuse to stay at home because he has never engaged with anything on a longer term basis and appears to get his own way. This could lead to school refusing so you do need to find out the truth and be robust in your parenting.

flagnogbagnog · 20/04/2015 09:52

My DS is the same. He is younger, will be 12 this year. He has always hated school. He cries most mornings or is atleast very low. We are seriously considering home education but I'm delaying it as long as possible.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 20/04/2015 10:43

flagnog Interhigh might be the answer if you're considering home ed.

Luna9 · 20/04/2015 17:28

Is this something new? How long has this being going for? You should go and speak to the teachers? Maybe they know something your son does not want to tell you. I will also look into moving him to another school if this does not change. I think we should listen to our kids; something is not right.

PolterGoose · 20/04/2015 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Takver · 20/04/2015 20:14

I wouldn't get that hung up on the not socialising outside school - DD is also in yr 8, she definitely has a good group of friends (I hear all the gossip!) but really doesn't bother to organise anything outside of school.

There was a whole thread in the Teenagers section recently, with lots of people posting that their dc were just the same. I think school is a pretty intense social experience, and some just need time to chill and be quiet outside of it.

I have two good friends with dc just the same age as dd, neither of them bother meeting up with schoolmates outside of school either (though if we as adults arrange social meetups for ourselves the dc very often then come and are happily social too ).

Re. the hating school, would he be happy for you to contact his form tutor / HoY? DD's school has a counsellor who works with dc who find school hard - dd saw her in yr 7 when she was struggling with various things, and she was fantastic. The schools don't want their pupils to be miserable! Both because obviously on the whole teachers are nice people who care about their pupils and also I guess because miserable stressed dc don't learn well.

foreverton · 21/04/2015 10:03

Sorry to alarm you but please ask him again over bullying.
My ds didn't return to school on Monday(year 7) after it transpired he'd been being bullied since starting.
I'd asked him several times due to him crying over school and pretending to be ill. He said no every time.
It was his friend who told his mum who then rang me.

I hope this isn't the case for your ds but dc are often embarrassed or scared to admit it and hopefully it isn't down to bullying and you can completely discount it.

Best of luck:)

ragged · 21/04/2015 20:41

You need to e

ragged · 21/04/2015 20:42

oops!! ...explain what is about the teachers. DS complains they don't discipline enough, so his real complaint is about pupil bad behaviour.

24balloons · 21/04/2015 22:48

Year 8 can be tricky if hormones are surging. Ds1 has a terrible time throughout year 8. I definitely think hormones & puberty played a big part, plus he had a couple of teachers he didn't get on with. He struggled to sleep & was exhausted every day, used to tell me all the time he hated school.

Year 9 (so far) has been a breeze in comparison. He's sleeping better, less stressed & much happier. Hasn't said he hates school at all this year. Ds2 currently in y7 & I'm kind of dreading next year!

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