dd2 is in year 10. She is very dyslexic and has struggled with her schooling however in the last couple of years she really seems to have begun to understand how to work around this and her predicted grades have gone from D's and E's to a solid lot of B (back in January) The school she is in really seems to academically get what she needs and have been great for her actual schooling.
However Socially she really struggled and we have her coming home in tears regularly, (2-3 times a week) she feels she had no friends that no one wants to talk to her and when she has tried to enter social groups there has been a few unpleasant scenarios of exclusion. There has never been any direct bullying it is more making sure she knows she is not welcome and they dont wish to have anything to do with her. We have contacted the school numerous times about this in the last years and in the beginning they did try to aid her., Giving her access to a special room where other students who struggled went, she did make 1 friend there in year above this girl however has got serious school avoidance issues - wont go into details - so is often not in school 2 or 3 days in a week according to dd. Also with them being in different years it is often complex to meet. DD is also finding this girls from what I understand severe depression difficult to deal with. (I have met the girl and she is lovely however I also know how hard it is to deal with someone who is depressed and dd is only 15)
She has commented a few times that no one else really comes to this room so last time I contacted the school I requested they try to aid dd to find a different way to make friends. They at this time did not engage with me at all, I received no reply however dd did say that she had been spoken to by form tutor and basically they had said she as the onl ystudent would be permitted to go to the art studio with her lunch and do art stuff during lunch. Great as dd loves art however not going to aid her in making friends to isolate her.
Last week it sort of came to ahead . DD has been doing DofE and actually getting along well with the group she was in and had some positive feedback over all of this. Last week a girl in another group had fallen out with the group she was in, she had gone to friends in the group dd is in and those friends had taken it on themselves to basically said that this girl could swap with dd. No one had considered talking to dd about this and nor had they approached a teacher. It had simply been decided amongst them and presented to dd as a done deal. With dd having self confidence issues over all of this and feeling she can't make friends this obviously made her feel awful.
She has got 3 friends from primary who attends a different school. This school is over subscribed however when I phoned them I more or less had suggested that an appeal would perhaps be likely (She said - sometimes the panel does things we don't know why they do for church members) At the time we applied for 2ndary places I had not yet returned to regular church attendance and we could not have got her in. However I have done so in the last 3 years and we can now fullfill the church criteria for this school.
The school has amazing pastoral care and her younger sister will start in the school come September, It also has one of the highest scores of non grammar schools for GCSE's .
I am at a loss as to what to do. She is very unhappy however academically she is thriving. I want my child to have a good education and dd is clever. However I also do not want her growing up with severe self doubts as to if she can make and keep friends. It would be a lot of work for dd to cope with the academic side if this school has gone different approach for GCSE's however I suspect if she was happy and amongst friends she would be able to do this. BUT that is only a "suspects" I don't know what to do and I do not feel there is most point in approaching her current school again as they have not engaged with me over this the last few times. I know it would be a long shot to try an appeal however if I do not try then I am likely placing her on a no friends for the next year and a bit. Is that fair?
I will just add that dd1 is at the same school in 6th form as dd2 and is thriving it is not that I wish to move to what I see as a "better" school.
WWYD?