state vs private dilemma (one already at private)

[NoonarAgain]

I have 2 ddd aged 13 and 10.

dd1 is in year 8 and dd2 will be year 7 in September.

We live close to two good schools.

1. a small cosy all girls private school, where dd1 currently goes. They get good results, but they are also rather spoon fed, it's not very creative and there is a rather strong snobbish contingent which i dislike (as does dd). its a convent school and they are very limited in which gcse subjects they can choose, as a lot are compulsory. however, dd is settled and popular and doing fine. but she feels she is 'living in a bubble'.

2.the local state school has very good facilities, comparable results for top set and is more diverse, but still a very middle class area. it's co-ed and they have more choice of subjects for gcse, but would do 8 rather than 10 subjects. dd could walk to school, have more local friends and be more independent.

btw, dd2 has just sat the entrance exam for the private school and also got a place.

i'm in a dilemma over whether to move dd1 mainly because i've decided i dislike some aspects of the private school thing. dd is keen to move in some respects as she feels it will do her good to branch out.

however, i'm worried the large classes will be a shock to her system. you also cannot guarantee that she will adjust well to a new school, and they start gcses straight away.

ultimately, she may be marginally better results at the private school, it has to be said. however, there are other less positive influences.

on the positive side, there will be 200 other new pupils going into year 9 so she wouldn't be alone (strange age phases in our county!).

dd2 is happy to go to either school in year 7 and very adaptable.

fees not an issue...dh and i have said that we feel the private option somehow ought to be 'better' but we're really not feeling that is the case! although it definitely does protect the dc from some of the more daunting aspects of life in a large comp.

any thoughts?

ps i would like to say we are not wealthy, but have some inheritance we could use for fees.

That's not a dilemma OP.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2302953-to-move-DD-from-her-nice-independent-school-where-she-has-a-scholarship-because-her-brother-didnt-get-offered-one this is a dilemma.

Not trying to make light of your question - but (with the benefit of years of experience in both sectors) it is utterly pointless to spend money on a fee paying school that is not considerably better (or more specialised) than any other school you can access.

Your elder DD's school doesn't sound brilliant. You have an equally good state school available. Would you get in?

zero, hi. yes we will get in as we are only a 10 minute walk away and most of the new year 9 intake are a 20 minute drive away. it's our main catchment school, its just that we didn't choose it for year 7.

i read that other thread...geez...

i guess the dilemma is whether dd1 would adapt ok. i'm thinking all sorts of cliches about grass not being greener and not fixing things that aren't really broken.

the grades are pretty great at dd1's school, despite the things i dislike about it.

I would move them both to the state school. You can use the money you save to supplement their education and extra curricular if you think there are any gaps. My DC are in private and I would only continue to pay if I thought the overall package was the best available option.

thanks chzs.

my dh pointed out that the state/ private thing clouds the issue, as it's really just about choice of school.

we are somehow lured into thinking it must be somehow better because of the protective environment and that we are somehow depriving them by not sending them private when we can afford it. it sounds silly, i know...

The great thing is you would, as you say, hit a natural changeover point.

Are there any other accessible schools, state and fee paying, that you could take a look at for the purposes of comparison? (Although I guess it's too late to start applications for the fee paying?) Just so you could reassure yourself that you've made an informed decision.

Since there are pros and cons to both, can't you just discuss the pros and cons together as a family and then allow your children to decide for themselves? Then, any regrets they can own for themselves, rather than blame on you, as nobody was forced to do anything. It doesn't sound like any huge harm will be done to any of you, whatever decisions are made.

zero, no other schools tbh, other than other further afield private schools.

we do discuss it a lot with the dds, rabbit. we say that we will take their views into account to an extensive degree, but ultimately it's the parents' decision. however...we wouldn't now change dd1 against her will given that we are somewhat on the fence.

Snobbery really shouldn't be part of a 21st century independent school experience. The fees should be paying for the sort of horizon broadening experiences that it's difficult to organise in even the most well funded domestic situation. In particular a diverse range of friends / peers with whom to share challenging discussion, access to "the best" in drama, art, music, science, thought ...

Ultimately, if the parents' can't make up their minds, it might as well be the children's decision.

Apologies for the rogue apostrophe...

"dh and i have said that we feel the private option somehow ought to be 'better' but we're really not feeling that is the case!"
Frankly, speaking as someone who does pay, if you feel like that I wouldn't by waste anymore money on it and I certainly wouldn't waste my inheritance unless I was absolutely convinced I was doing the right thing.
DS1 in yr 9 went from a small boarding prep to a large comp (similar sounding to yours very white middle class), he went from classes of 10-15 to classes of 30, he has significant dyslexia/processing/working memory problems, he was terrified on the first day, but settled amazingly quickly and actually thrived in the bigger environment with more friends to choose from. Children are very adaptable especially if they're happy with the move.