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Secondary education

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Original poster

Is this usual in Y8, or the sign of something worse?

29 replies

FiveHoursSleep · 09/02/2015 13:16

DD1 is a bright girl and usually gets top marks in everything. Not necessarily 'the top', but near. She's in an academic, partially selective school so she's got some very bright classmates and very little disruption in class.
She's now in Y8 and has become a little less reliable. Not attending so many clubs and for the first time she has come home with 'not making much of an effort' and not fulfilling her potential' in one subject. The rest are making good and making excellent progress.
But if you talk to her she says she hates school, it's boring, doesn't enjoy anything. She's just 13 and has become a real teenager overnight- mouthing off, swearing, refusing to do things, whereas she's been pretty good up until now.
She still is doing her homework and music practice and seems happy enough with school although has a fairly good social life on and off line.
Her friends are very important to her but are all high achievers who work hard at school.
DD1 is our oldest, so I'm treating this as 'normal stuff' but keeping an eye on it. I don't insist she shows me her homework etc as the school will tell us if it doesn't get done.
Those of you with Y8 or older girls, is this all normal stuff?

OP posts:
Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 09/02/2015 19:27

Anyone?

OP posts:
titchy · 09/02/2015 19:40

Normal. It'll wear off in about five years time......

tippytappywriter · 09/02/2015 19:41

Give her a big hug and have a chat.

Ginandtonictime · 09/02/2015 19:43

Year 8 is not a great year in my opinion ... strap in and hang on is my advice - she'll get over it ..

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 09/02/2015 21:16

Okay, that's what I wanted to hear. I'm not wanting to go in all guns blazing as I also have a Y7 DD so need to conserve energy!

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Molio · 09/02/2015 22:40

Seasoned mother of eight (24 to 12) though without any answers at all - I'd be a bit wary given what you say and would definitely be mega chilled out about music practice, homework etc. I think there are some warning signs here. I have several DC in consecutive years but I don't think that's a legitimate reason for going light on your current Y8. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear but not all kids 'get over it'. I'd be careful and look a bit deeper.

Molio · 09/02/2015 22:43

My three eldest are girls - 24, 23 and 22. I also have a girl in Y8.

TheFirstOfHerName · 09/02/2015 22:46

DS1 did this in Y9.
Thankfully DS2 (Y8) is still engaged with school, but that might be because he hasn't reached puberty yet. Perhaps girls go through this stage earlier?

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 10/02/2015 07:50

TheFirst, did your DS1 get back on track with GCSEs?
I wonder if she's a bit bored, and being able to study things in greater depth might engage her more.
Molio, how would you deal with it?

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Molio · 10/02/2015 09:05

Perhaps I'm being a bit over cautious FHS and it's entirely possible - even probable - that nothing beyond teenager stroppiness is happening here. I guess I'd affect a very, very unconcerned air towards homework and music etc because that may well be what she kicks against if she senses pressure. And do remember she has absolutely ages to redeem herself if she does start to go light on that sort of stuff - much more important not to be at loggerheads. I'd try to ask about the boredom at school and hating it because that's the concerning bit, whereas not making an effort in a single subject is not even a tiny bit of a deal.

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 10/02/2015 10:25

Yes, I have asked about it and she can't tell me what's boring. Just that it is.
I do think if she found it really that bad, she wouldn't engage at all.
As far as homework goes, I just say 'It's time to do homework' and don't pry too deeply at all.

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Nextwednesday · 10/02/2015 10:37

Disengagement at school is normal I think but only if it extends as far as feeling it is boring so keep an eye on that.

I would be more concerned about the swearing and defiance at home. Many children wouldn't dream of swearing in front of their parents. I would be very firm on that one and make sure clear boundaries are in place as to what is acceptable for your home/family and put consequences in place if necessary. Don't go in for a major battle but if she is refusing to do things, don't allow screen time until it is done for example.

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 10/02/2015 11:22

Unfortunately defiance is an everyday fact of life in this house as DD2 has ASD (ADHD?) so we have many meltdowns a day.
DD1 always used to be fairly well behaved compared to her younger sister but she is testing the boundaries now.
They do eventually do what they are asked, after much fuss, but we can have a couple of hours of yelling and screaming first, which can be pretty tiresome.
It is very much a matter of picking my battles.
I'm consoling myself that there have not been any reports of swearing at school ( so far!).

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TheWordFactory · 10/02/2015 11:52

Hi Op.

Sometimes it's difficult to differentiate between teenaged angst/whining... oh it's all so boring... and actual disengagement.

The former is normal, the later is a problem.

Whenever my DC (both 15) have gone through periods of disenchantment/low energy etc I've kept talking about their future. Like a stuck record Grin. That gives them something to focus on until they come out of the fog.

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 10/02/2015 12:25

I don't think it helps that DD1 has no real idea about what she wants to do in life.
But I do talk about how Y9 will be more interesting, as she will get to look at things in more detail and get to choose her GCSE subjects.
Is that the sort of thing you are talking about TWF?

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TheFirstOfHerName · 10/02/2015 15:31

TheFirst, did your DS1 get back on track with GCSEs?

We won't find out the answer to that until August 2016, but he got A* in the controlled assessments he has done so far.

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 10/02/2015 19:02

That bodes well :)

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PastSellByDate · 12/02/2015 14:24

FivehoursSleep:

DD1 in just Year 7 - but given it seems to only be a problem (results-wise) in one class - just wondering if it may be a problem with either the topic or the teacher?

One thing that does occur (as I'm hitting this with DD2 (y5) at the moment) - the stage where work which once came easily suddenly becomes - well - work can be very tricky. It can turn a student off - so it may be worthwhile (although I respect finding the right moment will be difficult) to have a conversation about what the problem with school actually is right now.

Often 'it's boring' is code for so many other things: I don't like it/ I don't understand it/ I have no idea what they're talking about/ I don't want to pay attention & concentrate/ etc....

HTH

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 12/02/2015 14:36

Yes, she says the Tech teacher 'hates her' but I suspect the teach teacher is just a little pissed off to see an able student mucking around in her class!
I think 'I'm bored' is code for 'I'd rather be mooning over Joe Suggs on YouTube or gossiping with my friends!'

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castlesintheair · 12/02/2015 14:46

My year 8 DS is "bored" by everything to do with school this year, except his friends. He also has said a couple of teachers don't like him which not surprisingly are his 2 weakest subjects that he doesn't work at. I am hoping it is just a phase!

PastSellByDate · 12/02/2015 14:53

having a teacher be tough on you is never easy - sometimes it's out of frustration (why aren't you doing better student) and sometimes they're just dreadful (bad luck, you got evil witch teacher scenario).

Tricky five. Add into the mix a serious case of the teenagers and its really hard to say if this is child going off the rails or just a bad patch.

As others have suggested - keep a watchful eye but give your DD some space.

I'd just add that maybe signalling she can talk to you about things if she wants to could help.

in the meantime Brew & Cake

Hang in there.

TheFirstOfHerName · 12/02/2015 15:13

I think it is common for a child to feel that one teacher really doesn't 'get' them.

For DS1 in Y8/Y9 it was his Geography teacher, and now it is his Biology teacher (he has had three detentions in his 3.5 years at the school, and all three were from her!)

I agree that sometimes, "it's boring" can actually mean "I don't understand the content and don't feel able to ask for help", especially for quick learners who have never experienced being stuck.

TheFirstOfHerName · 12/02/2015 15:17

I am also wondering if some of this is related to her younger sister starting at the same school. If the younger one exhibits some unusual or immature behaviour, then perhaps your older daughter is trying to build an image for herself as tough, to demonstrate that she doesn't care what people think.

Original poster
FiveHoursSleep · 12/02/2015 16:02

TheFirst, that's a really, really good point.
I don't think it's that she doesn't understand things, she's still getting very good marks despite moaning that she's failed every test.
She knows that she can talk to me and frequently does but mainly it's to tell me she's bored!

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cricketballs · 12/02/2015 17:21

As an experienced secondary teacher I often witness year 8 girls act like this, the majority do come out of it (usually half way through yr9/start of yr10); boys usually yr 9, but tend to take longer for the human to resurface!

Not that it's an answer, but for the vast majority it's hormones and the teenage angst being the main issue. Just be there for her, ensure you have clear guidelines of what your family consider reasonable behaviour - good luck!