Year 9 DD - lost interest in school, no motivation, grades slipping.

[MyballsareSandy]

She used to love school, sailed through primary, leaving with level 5's. Year 7 was a bit rocky, finding her feet and new friends etc, lots of mucking about but settled down in year 8. Year 9 has been .... well nothing really. Bare minimum at school, not doing homework unless I confiscate all gadgets and stand over her - no self motivation.

Her end of year targets for this year (year 9) are level 7's in most subjects, main ones anyway. She's barely into the 6's.

Her lovely science teacher emailed me yesterday pointing out this lack of interest, wanting to help her, suggesting she stays behind once a week for some 1-1 with her - she said she feels frustrated by DD as she knows she is capable but has disengaged.

Had a long chat with DD last night, not angry, I stayed calm, supportive, interested. She was instantly defensive, hates all the teachers, they all hate her (didn't sound like the science one did!). Lots of eye rolling, fecking whistling !!!! , how I kept my cool I'm not sure as I wanted to knock her off the stool. Hates school, can't wait to leave and get a job. Doesn't listen to me explaining that she will not get much of a job, if any, unless she tries harder and gets some GCSEs.

Options coming up - DD wants to choose exactly what her friends are choosing so she can be with them, regardless of her ability in the subject .

Help please, who else has been through this with their 14 year old.

DD is adamant she isn't going to this extra science as it's for geeks and the teacher is a lesbian and just wants to see her all alone .

How did my gorgeous, bright little button who loved learning, morph into this stranger.

I don't think it's unusual for a dip during Y9. Most students perk up in Y10 once they have chosen their favourite subjects and are no longer doing those they dislike the most. That's why it's important that they choose subjects that they want to do and ideally those where their chances of success are the highest.
Some subjects do select students by ability i..e they may need to achieve certain levels by the end of Y9 to be able to take them. Even if she chooses the same subjects as her friends that's no guarantee she would be in the same class. In most subject they would set children according to ability so ask how she would feel if she was placed in a different group.
I wouldn't advise extra one to one Science lessons in these circumstances OP. The teacher may mean well, but it may not be a good idea to agree to this sort of arrangement without clearer guidelines about what this would entail. I am not clear from your post whether this is officially sanctioned by the school or the teacher is trying to organise this herself. If the latter then the teacher's intentions could indeed be open to misinterpretation.

It does sound like your DD has hit adolescence good and hard. I'm sorry but I think you are going to have a bumpy ride for a year or so.

My advice is to keep in contact with the school as much as possible, have firm boundaries at home (eg re gadgets and homework) and prepared to be 'hated' until she comes out the other side.