DD (12) year 7 bad parents evening already.

[wilddogbert]

So DD moved to secondary school in September and has just turned 12.
She is "gifted" but has stayed in her year group during primary school and just has some extra work sheets etc.
This is mostly because we want her have a normal childhood with kids her own age and develop socially as well as mentally. As she has gotten older we have given her more choice to compete in school competitions etc if she wants to. Sometimes she does but she would rather go to after school activities or out with friends.

Anyway. Parents evening yesterday. In primary school she always had the same report. Quiet and conscientious works hard and is friendly with everyone.

This time apart from drama,French , p.e and music (either new subjects or subjects she isn't very good at) we had some pretty bad reports. She is zoning out in class ,making excuses to go to the toilet all the time , talking when she shouldn't,drawing silly pictures and scribbles on workbook,deliberately forgetting homework,muttering under her breath when other kids get the answer wrong.
The worst was maths were apparently on Wednesday she said that she didn't want to do the work as its too easy. Then when the math teacher tried to talk to her after class she told him that she was just struggling because her dad is in hospital (he isn't).

I told the school to call if there are any problems and to punish her if she broke the rules.

So I asked her about it at home she is upset. She says the work is boring and she doesn't like the teachers. She is okay in some subjects because she isn't very good at them so she would feel silly acting out in them in case they thing she is being naughty cause she can't do the work. She can do the work in other classes so it doesn't matter what she does. I told her it did matter and boredom was no excuse. She said that she didn't think I would find out about it because their were naughtier children in the class and she didn't think the teachers would notice that much.
She said she would try harder.

Then today she comes home and I check her homework book and she has tipexed a big box in it. She wouldn't say why at first. I said I would phone the school. She tells me that she had to answer 15 questions in English today. After about 10 she was bored so she drew a picture on the work book But the teacher had asked them to keep the books clean because they are the only set she has.When she noticed what DD had done she told her that she would have to give the school the money for a new one and the note was to tell me that a check would need to sent into school.
DD tipexed it because she knew I would be disappointed in her after telling me yesterday that she would behave.

I don't know what to do. It's not like she is going out and fighting but it is still bad behaviour and she knows it.what annoys me more is she doesn't even try to complete the work just decides it's to easy. If she did the work and then she was bored I wouldn't be quite as annoyed.

Shehe even said to me yesterday that a lot of the time the work they give her would take her the whole of the allotted time but because she knows the answers she can't be bothered to write them down.

There was a boy on Educating the East End like this- his teachers were tearing their hair out- bright as they come, loads of creative procrastination and not getting anything down on paper. Might be worth watching it with her- the teachers talking about him might make her think a bit.

I really disagree with all this "so bright they get bored" stuff.

TBH I think it's bullshit.

I have a degree in a subject, and I have also, in the past, helped in Year 7 classes in that subject. I could happily have sat and answered all the questions given, standing on my head, without getting bored, despite the fact that it was obviously way beneath my abilities.

If she's as clever as you say, what she needs to do is this: do all the work set, immediately, to a very high level, then go to the teacher with it saying that she has finished. Then, and only then, she will be given higher level work.

Doing sod all and claiming it's because it's too easy for her and she is bored is a lame cop out that will exasperate and antagonise any teacher.

NO teacher is going to source and provide extension work for someone who hasn't bothered to do the original set work in the first place just because they claim they are too intelligent to bother to do it.

She needs to understand this.

I'm with baloonslayer. She's got to demonstrate her ability and that she has got the basics however " boring" that is. Then she can be stratospheric and do work at that level. She isn't demonstrating anything at present apart from her ability to be annoying and disruptive.

This is how things are. What ever you do much is mundane and routine. Learning to just get your head down and do it is a huge life skill. My strategy at school was to read a book when I'd done. There are probably better strategies now.

DS has just started uni. He is in the same situation. He knows / has read everything so far and the lab sessions are dull - all same as A level. He has the maturity and insight to realise engaging with this in necessary in order to progress.

Does she do non academic stuff as well? What keeps her going? My bright ( probably gifted I've no idea- they are all at top of classes/ year groups and eldest now winning academic prizes) did/ still do lots of music etc

Whether she is bright / gifted/ incredibly able or what she needs to work out how to find the emotional and personal maturity to work within the school system. And being the class clown, or worse still the bully isn't going to help (sniggering when others get things wrong isn't good at all) Can she see that? How is she going to change? Now just half a term in she could turn everything round. Leave it to the summer when she hasn't actually done the work, she's likely not do get the grades she wants/ thinks she should and she'll be really in a hole - not making top sets etc next year.

sniggering when others get things wrong isn't good at all

If I were the teacher I'd have her internally excluded for that, and if I were the parent of a child on the receiving end of it I'd be asking to see, and see enacted, the school's bullying process. That's just not on.

She is acting like a child who has been indulged and is used to getting their own way.

I would be worried though about the lying etc - are you sure that the work is too easy? Secondary school can be a huge shock to the system. Children who are lauded in primary for being clever suddenly find themselves sitting alongside others just as clever. Some children love this and thrive on being with like-minded people who share their passion for learning; others find it a threat.

Her attitude won't be tolerated in secondary school. She will score badly (zero) in half termly assessments and this will impact on future progress, class, set.

She may well be more than capable of the work but if it is so easy she should complete it quickly and let the teacher know that she has finished. Lots of y7's are in this position at present - finding the work too easy - but they get on with it, demonstrating to the teacher just what they can do and then getting extension work.

And please discourage her from taking the mick out of children who get the answers wrong. It's not kind and it will endear her to no-one. At least those children are prepared to give it a go. They have a growth mindset; they will try and perhaps get it wrong. They have the resilience to learn from their mistakes and try again.

I hope your DD has a think in the half term. She's very young, it's still very early days, she can start afresh. She could go back in a week's time, armed with a cheque and a letter of apology for the English teacher, but she should leave her attitude at the door.

Didn't another one of the monkees have a parent that designed a prototype paper towel dispenser? What a weird group of people they were!

Tippex very much around in these parts. However, there has been quite a move to the ink erasers since they all moved on to Lamy pens.

No advice for OP. I'd suggest seeing if there are friendship issues at the bottom of it. Is she trying to fig in with someone? Is she trying to get attention?

My money would be on peer group issues rather than academic stuff. Whatever they say, that tends to figure uppermost in children's minds.

I don't think Peter Tork's parents were directly involved in the Tork Matic brand of paper towel dispensers: his father was an economics professor. but stranger things have happened.

Oh. Was that an urban myth then?

What is surprising is her saying she can't be bothered to write the answers to questions because she knows them. Did you tell her that it was the whole point, that if she didn't know the answer, she wouldn't be able to write anything!

My DD is also G&T and she did find school work very boring at the start of year 7 as the class wasn't set that year. However, she made it a mission to make her teachers see her abilities. By Christmas time, almost all her teachers had recognised her as a high achiever (they do have experience of such pupils) and started to give her more attention. Mainly, she learnt quickly that the earlier she could finish with the 'normal' work, the sooner her teacher would give her more interesting and challenging work. Her teachers also encouraged her to use her abilities to help others. She is quite nurturing naturally, so quite enjoy helping others.

Her year 7 Maths teacher did say that she was finding it hard to challenge her as it felt that the minute she gave some extra work, she had already finished it and was waiting for yet more, but DD had to learn that there would be time when she would just be bit bored.

It got much better in year 8 and now in year 10, even though she is still quite advance, she is finding that there is always 1 or 2 more pupil as or almost as able as her in her class, so likes the challenge to be/remain at the top.

Thank you all
DD isn't very good at p.e and music and French and drama are new to her which is why she hasn't been messing around in them.

I had a meeting with the school today to discuss what to do with her. We agreed on punishments when she does things wrong and what to do if she isn't doing the work.

We have also talked about it a lot at home during half term and she has agreed to do the work set by the teachers and if we have any reports like that again she will lose all screen time. As it is a zero tolerance policy now because she knows that what she did was wrong.

The school told me that she did much better on Monday and did all the work and was pretty much her usual self.

She used her own money to pay for the book which seems to have upset her enough to understand that we weren't kidding.

A gifted child does the work set and needs extension work. I have to say as an English teacher I have only really met one truly gifted pupil, the current idea that the top x% are gifted is ridiculous! This child was awe inspiring and her writing utterly amazing. She is now a successful writer. I find the idea that a Year 7 thinks they need not complete the work set worrisome. Perhaps you need to mention that GCSE/ALevel/Degree examiners are not mind readers and need some evidence that people are able.

Hi wildgobert:

I fear I'm also in the BalloonSlayer/ Thea18/ Agggggghast camp - and kind of find this very similar to the tale of BrendaBlackhead who's gifted DD is bored in English and finds all work too easy (which I fear was a discussion that got very heated - partly my fault).

What I will say - is if your DC is at a school which has not started to stream/ set pupils - she needs to see each task as an extended audition for top set. It's in her interest to be 'on task' - paying attention, working hard, producing high quality work. She's being appraised right now - on her work, tests, standard achievement tests (CAT style testing, etc...) and her behaviour over an extended period of time.

It's worthwhile seeing each task as an opportunity to shine and really thinking through how you can make your answer/ essay/ project the best it can be.

I realise in some areas senior school Y7 is all the same people - but in many places several primaries feed into one senior school and therefore a new pecking order has to be established. Nobody has automatic right to be 'top dog' - and just because you were a star primary student doesn't necessarily mean you automatically should or will be a star secondary student. It's likely - but you still have to work hard, follow instructions and behave well.

Finally I think your zero tolerance policy & the penalty of less or no screen time seems a very sensible way forward. Important now not to waiver. She's made a very bad start of things - and probably given a lot of teacher's the impression she's a misery to teach - so she really needs to work hard this half-term to turn that impression around because first impressions often last the longest (leopard's don't change their spots kind of thing).

As I tried to explain to BrendaBlackhead about her DDs attitude to work in her English Class - it's really important to understand that your attitude is part of the problem. If you're negative about assignments and instantly reject them as silly or beneath you your sending all the wrong messages to the teacher: messages like you're rubbish, I'm better than this, I'm too good for this, I'm childish, I'm churlish, etc....

I totally get that your DD may not be aware that these are the signals she's sending off by her behaviour - but I think it's important that they learn to see it from the teacher's point of view. I also think it's important to respect that a task set in class often is set with a specific purpose in mind (it wasn't just thought up - but was in fact part of a larger plan). There will be better tasks than others over the course of the class - but getting into the mindset of working out what the teacher is after (what will make for an A on this task) is the challenge and perhaps if your DD saw this process as that it might make classes less 'boring'.

And if the argument's goal posts shift to the usual teenage plea: 'But Mum you don't understand Teacher X is absolutely horrible and really unfair to everybody...' I'm afraid there are always those kind of people in life (they'll be there waiting for you in working life) - and it's one of those things - you just have to muddle through. Do what you must to please them and know that it's only for this half-term, term or year and then you'll have a new teacher in that subject (hopefully).

"...therefore a new pecking order has to be established. Nobody has automatic right to be 'top dog' - and just because you were a star primary student doesn't necessarily mean you automatically should or will be a star secondary student."

The position "top dog" is overrated and thankfully most of our y7's are just trying to get on with their learning and are not desperately competing with each other for this most unhealthy status.

wild your DD seems to have gone in with a better attitude this week and crucially, school and home are singing from the same hymn sheet. Sounds like she knows she went way too far.

Hope she continues to go from strength to strength and she shines. She sounds like a pre-teen who is feeling her way - she'll get there, with you behind her all the way.

Not/ aka Raisin & Wilddogbert:

Just to clarify - I wasn't encouraging inter-pupil competition - what I was trying to say (possibly phrased badly) was that just because a child was a high flyer in primary doesn't preordain that status continues in secondary.

It's more than likely the secondary intake comes from a number of schools - some will have had higher standards than others - and some will have hot housed for SATs whilst others had a more standard Y6 curriculum and took SATs in their stride.

I was just trying to say that from my perspective (just a parent - with a lot of family in education) this first term of Y7 (if not all of Y7) is about settling in and (putting it bluntly) proverbially separating sheep from goats.

also hope with her improved attitude, your DD turns things around and goes on to shine Wilddog.

I do agree with everyone else, hopefully your dd will continue to work well.

My experience both as a pupil and in adult life is that those pupils who are playing up because "it's too easy" often the truth is that they've suddenly found that they're not top dog any more. They're used to being top without competition and suddenly the competition is there and they don't like it.
They then find the easy way out is to mess around and refuse to do it because "it's too easy". The reality is that if they do do it then they can be knocked from their top post, so it's much safer to say it's too boring and refuse than risk that.