Secondary school decision

[Joolsy]

How much input should your child have on choice of secondary school? We've seen 2 local schools - 1 of them we quite liked and DD really liked, the other one OH and I LOVED but DD didn't like. 2nd one just had more of a WOW factor, had made rapid improvement over past 4 years, the deputy head & other staff we met had real drive & focus and other things. DD couldn't give any real reason as to why she didn't like it but said she couldn't see herself there and the tour was 'boring' - it was done by the deputy and more geared towards the parents whereas the other one was done by pupils & they chatted to DD more. I think she'll do better in the 2nd school but don't want to send her somewhere she really doesn't want to go. Any advice please?

IMO it's too important a decision for a child to make at that age. They don't have the maturity or the long-term perspective. You say yourself, "DD couldn't give any real reason as to why she didn't like it." You have several good reasons for your preference.

With my dd, we talked to her a lot about it, explained the reasons why we chose the school we did, but made it very clear that it was a decision for parents.

I let my DS choose but they gave good reasons why they wanted that school and not the other and gave me a good list of for and against so I let him choose but otherwise I would have had the final say.

Can you go back for a 2nd viewing?

I think this is a tricky one. I don't think a 10 year old is mature enough to make a decision about which school to attend but in the other hand I believe it is wise to listen to how they feel and talk the decision trough. If you send them somewhere they really do not want to be they may settle eventually or it may come back do haunt you in years to come I/e " you made me go to this school". I would try to arrange a 2nd visit and take it from there.

yy, what Mrs Squirrel said

also as someone put it on another thread- put the one you like best down first and make them think it's their idea

I'm trying really hard to take both my DDs views into account, but they're contrary little buggers and each one will, as a default, take the opposite view from her sister

naaaaaaaargh

Were they expecting children to be at the tour? If they were, then maybe they are fine talking to adults but not children, which actually i think being able to relate to year 7s is an important part of school. Sometimes a school can be great at appealing to adults, and saying the right things, but isn't so good at talking to its target age group. Sometimes its the children who spot the reality gap. Or even you are Wowed by the fabulous Music suite, whereas your child is unmusical and is underwhelmed by the Science labs.

Rapid improvement can be a very good thing if it is maintained when that leadership team move on. They probably will and so many schools find it difficult to keep the momentum going and fall back as new staff do not always engage so fully. I would look at the history of the schools and also see what other parents think. If the other school is steadily good, and has been for years, I would be inclined to consider that above the "wow" of a staged open day.

If everything else was equal, I'd give the child the choice. But, if one school was significantly better, it's a no-brainer. My DS2 preferred one school because the science labs let him dissect a lambs heart on open evening!

Argh! Lamb's heart.

Just had this discussion with DD this afternoon. She said 'it's my decision' and I disagreed, which she took to mean she gets no say. I then explained that no, she gets input, but she isn't going to get the final say. Her take is that she has to spend seven years of her life there, mine is that that is true, but DH and I have a better understanding of the implications of the decision.

I do want to get her buy-in though, as I want her to go with a positive attitude next September.

We whittled the choice down to 2 schools, then let dd choose from those.

there are two schools i'm happy with. i can't decide as it is a choice between them rather than a rational decision. so i'm letting dd choose.

two schools, and two twins

both want different ones- DD1 wants one school because of the music, DD2 wants other because 'you're allowed to wear EARRINS and dip dye your hair'

Ours had a say, we did not want them to apply to the grammar but made it clear that if they wanted to apply they could.

So the had some choice but not a completely free one.

Hard isn't it. We narrowed it down to 2 we were happy with and then let dd decide. She actually chose the one I thought would suit her. But there is no guarantee she'll get that one and may end up with the other anyway!

Yes, they were expecting children as they'd done tours for families for past 3 weeks. The deputy didn't talk specifically to the children at all (there were about 6 families). But he had an awful lot to get through in a couple of hours so just really talked generally to everyone. He did sit down with us at the end to answer any questions and generally was very enthusiastic and helpful. On the flip side, when we were taken round by the pupils at the other school they were just telling us how great the school is and probably didn't give us that much in-depth information but it was on my DD's level. I can actually 'see' DD in both of them. So difficult ARRRRGGGGHHHH!