Whats the best thing to do when the 'chain' of communication continually breaks?

[inthename]

Ds is in yr 8.
Since the start of term I've had to contact school about bullying issues.
The 'chain' of command is supposed to be form tutor - head of year - deputy head - headmaster.
Fair enough, the form tutor stepped out of the way early on as it was deemed to be 'senior management' level.
Since then its gone back and forth between the head of year/deputy/headmaster like a ping pong ball! Head of year promises xyz will be done, passes it on to deputy who promptly does something completely different to what was agreed and passes it on to headmaster, who agrees that yes, xyz SHOULD have been done, passes it back to deputy head who then does something completely different again! So, it continues and nothing is being resolved - deputy head is of the 'its just words, ds should learn to walk away' despite evidence of physical bullying. Head of year and headmaster are both saying 'this behaviour is unacceptable and won't be tolerated' before passing on to deputy head who has overal responsibility for monitoring behaviour!
How on earth can I resolve this?
I then have teachers claiming they didn't know anything about any of it and are concerned and asking to see me because 'ds seems so unhappy'
and other teachers shouting at ds and claiming in front of the bullies that ds is making excuses all the time!

Change school! Clearly the one you are at is useless! Also why persist where your DS is unhappy? Some schools talk the talk but do not actually do anything. You are obviously not making any headway, so start again elsewhere.

Well, the deputy Head is clearly the weak link in the chain. Are you prepared to upset him/her by making a complaint to Governors about non-implementation of agreed strategies? Or alternatively, make a complete nuisance of yourself by badgering the deputy continuously about what should be happening - any keep copying in the Head and HOY in every email etc.

The Head is the weakest link because he clearly is not following up on the agreed strategy and the Deputy is getting away with being ineffectual and appears to be doing his/her own thing. A good leader would not allow this to happen. It will not matter how much you inform the Head, he is clearly not able to make sure his senior staff stick to the agreed course of action. The other staff are not engaged or are passing the buck too! This is not a leadership team I would trust. I would not be impressed with a school that has teachers who do not know that a child has problems or a form tutor that steps out of the way. When implementing an anti bullying policy ALL should be engaged and working together. This is clearly not happening and I doubt the ability of all concerned to implement a coherent strategy. Anyone can state that bullying should not be allowed to happen, it is how a school deals with it that counts. Nor is it about monitoring bullying incidents. They clearly do not have a working anti bullying policy. This is why I would leave.

I second what Milly says but I do realise that it is easier said than done to move schools.

The fact that your DS is so unhappy and is having to endure this unsupported by the very people who can change it would be enough for me to make the move. Your DS deserves to be in an environment where he can flourish and feel safe.

I wish you both luck whatever you decide to do.

thanks, moving isn't really an option, its his last year in this school and can't transfer his bursary. Think I'll ask for a meeting all 3 together and get some concrete answers

A meeting with all three together sounds like a very good plan, so that they can't pass the buck. And go in armed with records of what is supposed to have been done that hasn't.

Also, I'm guessing from your description that it's a prep school who have a financial interest in avoiding publicity?

In those circumstances - and I don't say this lightly - I would be somewhat tempted to start talking about the Police (because physical bullying is potentially assault and in Year 8 they are above the age of criminal responsibility) and/or mentioning how this sort of thing can really damage a school's reputation. Maybe that would focus their minds on actually dealing with the issue.

And do everything you can to build up your son's self-esteem, coping strategies and confidence, with a view to a fresh start in year 9. There are some really good anti-bullying advice sites online - has he looked at them for ideas about how to respond? This is not remotely to say he is at fault, but I know that my daughter has found it useful to have some strategies for making herself much more boring to the bullies.

I was going to suggest just that - you need to get the DHT in the same room as you and the HT, to get things clearly agreed and stop the passing back and forward and nothing being achieved.