My ex and I were together 10 years. We have been separated 4 years and I will be marrying later this year.
Our son is 11
While my life is now unrecognisable Dads life hasn't changed. He still works the same job, same shift, the house is still messy with DS's toys from when he was a toddler... It's like he's trapped in limbo.
His family think he's depressed.
He's not a particularly nice person. I was controlled and manipulated. His personal babysitter, had to be in by 10pm or he'd lock the door, that kind of thing.
He's on TV and people think he's great until they meet him and he comes across as rude and obnoxious. He has only a few friends and even these told me to run for the hills.
The truth is that he's very possibly apserges like our son. He's very intelligent, he can be very loving, but mostly he enjoys arguing and conflict.
Now the problem.
We live in different cities and when I left I had to agree to stay in his city and continue to offer after school care until he finished work at 8pm. I suppose I was still under the thumb at this point and so I bought a house in the City (not that this pleased him as it was the wrong side of the city).
After a few months I realised I had a really bad deal. I was his personal babysitter. I worked in another city but had to get home to collect DS only to hand him over at 8pm at night.
I had to get a solicitor involved to make it more fair for me but I still offered him any 50/50 arrangement angement he wanted to keep the peace.
He wanted to split the week down the middle. He's the only one who thinks it's a good idea but it was progress so I said yes.
So I met my fiancee, we work in another city, now live there and I commute three days a week for the school run. We travel 40 miles each way. Weekends are alternate and I font take a penny from him, he pays for next to nothing. Even when I was unmployed and getting final demands for dinner money he refused to pay. (despite me paying his mother's phone contract for the last 7 years).
Secondary school.
I am refusing to commute any longer. I am getting married, I need to stand up to him.
It's hard though. The school think he's a local celebrity and assume he makes the better decisions. They've already tole me that taking our son to another LEA is very difficult.
I've told Dad that whichever school DS goes to, the parent who lives closest will have him Mon-Fri. I said last year let's both make a plan detailing after school care each could offer. He promised to right up until the deadline and then said he wouldn't and so he hasn't.
His Dad wants DS to go to a mainstream school near his house. Yet can't provide any afterschool care. He works until 8pm still and days he can't change that. He says I should continue to commute as I chose to move away.
I want DS to go to a specialist apserges school in my city where I can be there after school Mon-Fri and have a full time job in the Police. It's also the best school for him, it has an outstanding offsted report.
Meanwhile I applied for DLA and was awarded it. I give his father half (I did t even have to tell him but wanted to be fair) but he doesn't spend it on our son. He doesn't take him to any classes or book anything, he has no time. I take him swimming and tennis in my city. His father earns three times as much as me yet always claims to be broke.
So in short how can we get a decision made? My choice means taking his statement out of the area, his choice means DS will be at a huge disadvantage...
Any advice would be greatfully received.