DD has been told to do NO work this weekend

[IrianofWay]

By her tutor. DD was up till late last night completing a piece for her GCSE - I went in to her twice to get her to go to sleep and each time she refused - 'just a few more minutes"'. She was really upset because she 'messed it up' (not IMO). Went to school very quiet. She looks exhausted. Her tutor is also her art teacher.

DH saw the tutor briefly in school today (he works in the special school next door). She told him that DD has been invited to take part in a G&T event at the college (where she will do her A levels) and that DD has refused because she is too busy. We knew nothing about it. Not sure what happened in school today but I think she may have some sort of meltdown as her tutor has also banned her from any school work this weekend and told H so we could reinforce this.

I will speak to DD about it when I get home but I am really worried about her. She is like me and doesn't know how to relax and step away from her problems.

I presume she has just started Year 11? They do put them under tremendous pressure over GCSEs and it sounds as though she is overdoing it already. Her tutor has spotted this and is trying to pre-empt worse problems.

I would ask to see the tutor and get an idea of how much time she should really spend on her work.

Yes that is what worries me. She is so hard on herself. I will make an appointment to see the tutor next week. She's working at a stables all day today - she's done it for about 2 years now and loves it but I think it is beginning to be a bit of an obligation now as the owner struggles to cope on her own. I asked if she wanted to have a week off from the stables - she said no but I will monitor the situation.

Good on her tutor, for being on the ball.

Another teacher here. Year 11s are put under a lot of pressure, and of course, part of that is to get some of them working who haven't yet got the message. Unfortunately those who already do a lot of work and are conscientious tend to see it as a call to more work.

Please tell your daughter that it is OK to hand in work which is less than 100%. Her job is to get herself through this year working at a sensible pace and to save enough brain cells for next May and June. No matter how good her grades are now, if she overworks then she won't get what she deserves in the summer. She is conscientious. Tell her to relax - conscientiously.

Does she get any exercise? Swimming, a gym membership or long hacks/bike rides are fabulously therapeutic and will release endorphins, which will help her to enjoy the rest of the week.

As a parent and a teacher I totally understand your concerns which are entirely valid.

You have had some very good advice already.

Good on her tutor. Could you get him to have a word with her about not being one of the pupils that the start of year prep talk was aimed at and ask as many subject teachers as possible to reinforce that message? It will come better from many sources.

I like Coolas idea of separating her work and relaxing areas. It really helps.

I would be cautious about restricting her time helping at the stables as it is complete "down time" for her. As someone who finds it hard to switch off, I need something that is physically and mentally absorbing to distract me and the physical aspect will help her to feel tired and sleep.

Have you had a chat with her and helped her plan times for work and leisure?

Good luck and I hope you can support her to find a good balance at this stressful time