Is it normal to ignore a Yr 7 child who is obviously upset at the school gates?

[friendlymum67]

Staff members always on the gate and it was obvious there were problems with my DD this morning, who is I admit an anxious child, but if it hadn't been for her brother and his friend I don't know that I would have got her into school!

Not the first time this has happened and obviously senior school different to primary but I am still amazed that no one came near us. Did they think it was best to leave us alone?? I am not overly impressed with pastoral care at the school as it is and this isn't helping!

It certainly would have been normal at DSs horribly stiff upper lip grammar.

Have you spoken to the school? If you were with your DD maybe they felt you had the situation under control and so didn't want to interfere especially when they so many children coming in.

If you need help from the school you probably need to speak to your DD's teacher and work out a strategy.

I think if you need help you have to ask for it especially from staff at school who have probably tried to help someone in the past without being asked and got their heads bitten off for it. I'm not sure you can always expect people to automatically help.

I would agree that you maybe need to speak to your DD's form tutor if she wants you too. Is it every morning or was this a one-off? Poor thing as I'm sure it's overwhelming for some children.

In my school the thing to do would be to take DD to the year office and explain the situation to the head of year. Or email her form tutor and ask for her to be kept an eye on. Staff on gates in morning would not get involved.

If she was alread being accompanied by a couple of people, then it's not unreasonable for the staff member to assume it's being dealt with, but if it's an ongoing issue causing her to not want to go into school, then you need to speak to form teacher or HofY or Pastoral lead (is a different 'position' in each school, but someone will have responsibility for pastoral oversight of Yr7) so you can tackle the real issue.

friendlymum

I agree with others that it sounds like you and her brothers had the situation under control.

I suspect teachers are aware that your DD is coming to school upset - but I'm not clear whether you or they understand why.

If it is for serious reasons (bullying/ intimidation) at school - raise it immediately with the school (Form Tutor/ Head of Year).

I wonder whether this is just a going into school thing - or whether she's upset all day. It may be worth asking her or her brothers whether she's upset at other times during the school day.

I know eating on your own or being at a loose end (the odd one out) - can be really awkward to the point of being upsetting - but it happens to everybody. The point is not to allow it.

If she isn't upset when she's busy in classes - maybe she needs to be reminded that she can be busy at lunch.

Join lunchtime clubs (helps to make friends).

Get lunch and then ask to sit at a table with someone - don't feel you have to join the conversation, but don't just sit there silently looking miserable either.

At break - get a snack and eat it on the way to the library - then go and see what books they have to read. You may even meet other people there.

I think you need to be working on getting her to attempt more positive behaviour at school-

encouraging her to talk about what she liked at school that day - maybe something as simple as dessert was nice. I liked the joke Mr X told. Get her to find something positive about her day at school each evening.

keep herself busy (so she doesn't feel overwhelmed/ upset)

encourage her to be proactive: introduce herself to people/ say hello/ ask questions - join some clubs.

If the tears are about feeling stressed by the new expectations on her as a student - maybe she needs to be honest with her teachers that she's struggling. Most schools have sessions to support Maths/ English/ MFL - that are at lunch or after school - encourage your DD to go along and get help if that's the problem. She can get the help she needs and may well make friends there too.

HTH

If you were there then as a secondary teacher I wouldn't interfere unless you asked for help.

Do you have to take her to school? Maybe that's not helping, as it's the actual moment of separation from you that's tricky? Hope you can sort it soon. It's so upsetting when they're unhappy.