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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Is this normal in secondary?

15 replies

Soonish · 10/09/2014 20:28

Have changed name to avoid recognition, hope that's Ok.

Ds1 started secondary this month, and though he likes some of his teachers and has made a few tentative friendships, he's having some trouble with certain children.

Started off with some arbitrary verbal abuse from one kid and apparently that's been sorted out as they haven't bothered him again so far.

Then yesterday a different child thought he had said something about him (it was actually one of ds's friends) and came up and basically shoved him against a fence, proper two handed push and fairly menacing.

This was another 11yo btw and the reason ds's friends were talking about him was that he was smoking.

I'm not intending to get involved at this stage but is this indicative of what's to come - I mean, no one got hurt, but if this sort of thing is happening a week in, I dread to think what will be going on in a year or two.

And how do I teach ds to handle incidents like that? He's never had to before, and I don't have a clue.

OP posts:

Original poster

Soonish · 10/09/2014 20:38

personne?

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Noggie · 10/09/2014 20:40

I don't have teenagers but am a secondary teacher... In my school that kind of behaviour would be seen as serious and dealt with. I would contact the head of year if there are anymore 'incidents' .

littlesupersparks · 10/09/2014 20:45

In my secondary school that would be considered a serious incident. There is no reason for physical contact - or, to come to it, any kind of verbal abuse. Having said that, it is quite difficult for teachers to tell from a distance what is friendly horseplay between friends and what is not. Definitely bring it to the attention of the school. Is there a head of year?

Original poster

Soonish · 10/09/2014 20:45

Thanks, Noggie, I appreciate your reply.

Ds sort of laughed it off and said everyone was on his side apart from the other kid's minions, who were all around him saying 'you have to apologise for talking about him!' but though he pushed ds, ds wasn't hurt.

I'm worried that he didn't even think to tell someone, though that sort of is reassuring too that he knew how to cope with it - but I don't want him to then get marked down as a cocky so and so who wants sorting out iyswim.

Not sure if telling a teacher would have achieved the desired result? I just don't know.

Verbal abuse is one thing, but pushing and shoving is taking it a bit far imo. But it just seems like this school is filled with scary kids ready to get their fists out.

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Original poster

Soonish · 10/09/2014 20:46

Crossed posts, thanks too.

I did mention the verbal incident to the person running the session that day and she sorted it out. But that was before the official start of school.

No idea who head of year is.

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mummytime · 10/09/2014 20:53

With my kids I would have reported it to the Head of Year, my DCs school is very hot on stopping this kind of thing quickly.

MaureenMLove · 10/09/2014 20:53

I would definitely make a call to the school. Speak to his pastorial care office, for year 7. He must have someone like that.

If this student is in yr 7, he may be pushing his luck to see how much he can get away with at his new school and if the teachers don't know it's happening, they can't nip it in the bud.

Our yr 7 pastorial team are working non stop to make sure they deal with every little thing now, so that it doesn't become a bigger problem.

Speak to the school.

littlesupersparks · 10/09/2014 21:02

Agree with y7 pastoral team. I would highlight it to them - it doesn't mean they will single out your child/do anything immediately etc. Make it clear if you are just alerting them generally. If I saw this happen as a teacher I would definitely alert the pastoral team (we have a member of staff who takes care of transition of y7 until the summer term when she starts with the y6 students) they want to know of friendship issues/settling in issues xx

BellaVita · 10/09/2014 21:03

Serious in my school too.

Please speak to the HOY.

OhMyActualDays · 10/09/2014 21:10

Definitely serious and not acceptable and my school is in a deprived catchment area where behaviour is our biggest challenge. Call the school and have it dealt with

YakInAMac · 10/09/2014 22:02

That behaviour would be treated very seriously in DCs secondary. There would be phonecalls home, possibly days in exclusion.

Agggghast · 11/09/2014 05:52

This would be treated very seriously at my school too. Plus you ought to tell staff in case it escalates, the duty staff will be able to keep an eye on the two groups of friends and if they are together stroll closer. Contact the school.

comfycushion · 11/09/2014 07:04

Needs to be reported, so teachers can watch.

Why do you not know who the head of year is?

smugmumofboys · 11/09/2014 07:12

I'm a secondary teacher and that would be taken seriously at my school. Please report.

Also, if I understood correctly, a yr7 boy is smoking? Imo school needs to know about that too, not just from a health point of view but smokers frequently bunk off for a crafty fag.

Original poster

Soonish · 11/09/2014 07:44

Thanks all, that seems unanimous. Ds insisted I don't email the school last night but I have shown him the thread and now he says Ok.

I dont know the HOY as no one has told us anything but I will email the woman who did the induction day as she said to contact her if any more concerns.

Thank you.

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