Waaaaa, nasty teacher was mean to my PFB!!! :)

[LucasNorthCanSpookMeAnytime]

DD has just started and is terribly nervous - which this particular teacher knows. She arrived at school early this morning but then had a problem with something which was absolutely not her fault and which would cause her to be 5 mins late for her first lesson. A member of staff who helped her said it was fine and to explain to her teacher what had happened. DD did this but the teacher was really cross with her anyway for being late and said she didn't care what the reason was and threatened her with detention and now DD is really upset. I guess they are just trying to get them used to the idea that they must be on time but the way the teacher dealt with this was just so unneccessary and has gone a long way to spoiling DD's good first few days :(

So what do I say to DD about things like this? (as this sort of thing is obviously going to happen again). I've told her that maybe it's just a lesson in knowing that some things in life are going to be unfair and that you have to learn to let it things go and move on. But then I don't want to teach her to just accept unfairness without querying it or standing up for herself!

She is going to encounter a range of people who might not always treat her with kid gloves. Are you going to be outraged on her behalf every time this happens? Are you going to be able to back off and allow this vital stage of growing up to happen?

Well, speaking as you were of jumping to conclusions, there are rather a lot here... :) I think my tongue-in-cheek subject title has given the wrong impression. You've completely missed the point of my OP, I'm afraid. I'm not wanting her to be treated with kid gloves, I DO want her to deal with problems herself (I'm sure every parent does - that's just common sense, surely?) I am angry about how it was dealt with, yes, but my OP was merely to ask what advice to give DD - whether to stand up for herself (because the telling off WAS unfair) or whether to suck it up and move on. I'm not sure where the impression came from that I am wringing my hands and wailing about my poor little DD and how to avenge this wrong-doing (My subject title, I suppose?) I was simply trying to work out how to explain it to her. I know there is a feeling on here of 'oh look at the new Y7 mum, desperately trying to hold onto her little baby and fussing over every little thing' - but that's not always the case :)

Anyway, in the end, it turned out to be quite a useful lesson in finding out that Mum doesn't always have the answers. I decided to say to her that I didn't know what advice to give and gave her both options I mentioned above and told her she needed to decide herself how to play it.

Thanks again for the continued thoughts, everyone.

My DS started senior school last week. As he was going from one lesson to another the teacher asked him to help another pupil as he is on crutches (broken leg) get to the next class. DS of course agreed and carried the lads book/bag and also held open doors for him.
They arrived at the next lesson 5 minutes late and the teacher gave my DS a bad mark in his planner for being late ( other boy didn't receive a bad mark). Both DS and the boy tried to explain that DS was asked to help by another teacher but she said that is not the point and DS was late so receives a bad mark. Three bad marks in a week receives a detention.

DS was not happy but less bothered than me and said I couldn't complain as I would be one of those mums My poor grown up PFB

I think you're making too much of it OP. I'm not saying that this hasn't upset your DD or that her feelings aren't valid, just that you're overreacting.

Some teachers are human! Who knew? and some are caahs.

You need to teach your DD to roll with it and to count her blessings. You do have the answers, and need to teach her to drop things, and not to take them so personally.

Your OP title did come across badly, (irony rarely translates when relying solely on text), and you might ask HQ to edit it, as you do come across as a rather up-herself warrior mum. Hth.

do come across as a rather up-herself warrior mum

I had assumed that the language ('being mean to' is an obviously childish phrase) and smiley would make it obvious that it was a joke but I guess not :)

The Waaaa at the beginning clearly indicates that the OP is not taking this seriously as does the smiley. Some people just like to find fault with everything OP. Don't edit the title just to please one arsey person

"You've completely missed the point of my OP, I'm afraid. I'm not wanting her to be treated with kid gloves, I DO want her to deal with problems herself."

"DD was very nervous going in this morning as she had to use the locker again first thing. But DH went in with her, to show her how to use it (why no staff member had shown them how to use the lockers, I don't know hmm)."

^

Really???

Thanks, Flossy :)

Pilates, what is the "really" in relation to? To the fact that she needed someone to show her how to work a key, having never used one in her life before? If so, that's perfectly resonable. Or to the fact that her Dad went with her? Inwhich case - what's the problem? She didn't know how to work the locker, someone had to show her, Dh rives her anyway as is on his way to work... again, don't see the problem? I hope that you're not implying that because we are showing her how to do something she;'s never done before we are treating her with kid gloves? LOL if so! Would you expect a 2 year old to just know how to tie shoelaces without being shown first?! Apologies if this isn't what you meant but I can't think what else you may have been inferring...

OP, it is highly unusual for a parent to go into a secondary school and to go to the lockers area. In fact, it never happens. It is totally inappropriate unless the parent has gone and signed in at reception and explained what they are going to do first and received permission to do it. Schools cannot have adults wandering around, even if with their own children. There are all kind of safeguarding issues here. So, to you it may seem entirely reasonable for a parent to enter the school and go to the classroom or lockers or wherever, but it isn't.
Secondary school is different to primary school. And it does take adjusting to,for both children and parents. Parents are not there at the school gate collecting on foot, going into school and micro managing things. Clearly the is contact, but less than in primary and of course contact is encouraged when there is a genuine issue.

Some of my earlier comments were not directed to you OP, but to the posters who said they were pleased that their children were in schools where staff respected children and did not shout at them. I never had the impression at all that you would have said such things.

Anyway, I hope you are your daughter continue to settle well and that she is very happy there.

I have to say her Dad going in to show her how to use the lockers, has REALLY put her in the pfb category.
That IS fairly incredible.

Firstly, because of safeguarding, adults should not be going on to the premises without going via Reception and getting signed in, and then accompanied around the school.
Secondly. Yes, I would expect a 11 yr old to be able to negotiate a key. I would expect them to have been using a door key for a while, for example, and my dcs had things like keys for their bike locks and also little "secret boxes" in their rooms. I find it very weird that an 11 yr old can't negotiate a key.
Thirdly - if there's a minor issue like this in school, then you ask someone in school for help - this is really going to make her stand out as being babied now, I'm afraid.

LucasNorthCanSpookMeAnyTime

If I have to explain my last post to you then lets just forget it.

I think I will bow out now and I wish your DD good luck in her new school.

OK, well this has clearly moved far away from answering my oiriginal question and people are making all sorts of silly assumptions and accusations so I'm going to bow out of this now. Many thanks to those of you who gave helpful advice; much appreciated.