Unskipping a grade in secondary school

[GertrudeBrisket]

I would welcome thoughts. DD is 12, and was put up a year in primary school. She is mature beyond her years in lots of ways.

It was a great thing to do in the short term, but now she is in secondary school (year 8 i.e. 2nd year of high school in Oz). She is doing reasonably well at a very academically oriented girls' school in a grade cohort where she is 18 months-2 years younger than the other students (she is a summer baby and was young for her grade even before she skipped).

However, I feel that if she was with students her own age, she would be an exceptional student rather than a "pretty good" one. I worry that when it comes to university entrance she will be disadvantaged by competing against others who are much older and she could miss out on opportunities that would otherwise be easily within her reach.

She is very talented in a particular sport, and I would like her to move to another school which has a very strong training programme in that sport - and do her current school year again.

DD is not averse to moving to this school with the outstanding sports programme, as she is ambitious in that area. However she is very worried that if she unskips or repeats, other girls will know and she will be perceived as a failure in some way. This is her main concern (I WILL LOOK LIKE A LOSER). She is quite happy at her current school, has friends, and I have no gripe with the current school.

Because I think it would be so beneficial for her to unskip (and I accept that it would be humiliating for her to unskip/repeat a year at her current school), I am tempted to bribe her with some sort of OS trip or equivalent if she does it. Although given that we are both working full time to give her an elite education and enable her to participate in an expensive sporting pastime, I'm wondering if this would be going overboard!

I'm hoping I can persuade her with reasoned argument as forcing her to move if she really doesn't want to would be futile.

Thanks for reading.

Gosh, difficult situation... I think it does need to be a joint decision, and your DD needs to buy into it without being bribed. I can't see why anyone would need to know at her new school. Her new friends won't have any reason to suspect. She'll quickly make a mark as one of the brightest and sportiest, so being branded a loser is highly unlikely. A girl in my DD's year was moved up a year, and although she is very academically able, it hasn't done her any favours socially. Her schoolmates tend to regard her as 'trying too hard' to prove she fits in. If it were me, I'd sit down with DD and make a list of pros and cons. Look at how many of these are realistic (e.g. how realistic is it that she'd be branded a loser?) and give those factors more weight, and come to a joint decision that you agree to commit to, or to review after a year.

Thanks Asterisk, good advice, much appreciated. The girls at both schools (same part of town) are all over instagram etc, so I do think people would know - I just have to persuade her that it doesn't MATTER if they know and that other people's opinions can't be the driving force in any personal decision - a tough one to sell to any adolescent!

I think you are worrying too much OP. Sounds from your post as if your dd is managing fine in her year group and the school is happy with her progress.
I know someone in the UK who went up a year at secondary school and was offered a place at Oxford University so it is possible.
Taking a year out between school and university so that she starts at the same time as her age-group could also be a possibility rather than repeatinga year at school.

It would be audacious to call her a loser if she is still younger than most of them! What are they then?

This is why I am firmly against pupils being educated outside their age cohort at school (well one of them).

In the UK in the State system it is pretty impossible to do, so there will not be many people here to offer advice. Our last Prime Minister had done this and has actively spoken against it.

I think if she changes school and has a good cover story for why she's repeating a grade (even it makes the sport easier, or a lie about struggling a bit with something) it will quickly blow over.

Try to get her to see that being "clever" is not everything, hard work is far more valuable, and that people prefer other people to also have to work for their achievements.

I'm not sure what you are getting at mummytime - how has my child not worked for her achievements? Who has suggested that she thinks being clever is everything?

It is 20 years ago but I was a summer birthday so young for my year and also skipped a year in primary. I finished year 6 aged 9 and my parents didn't want me to go to secondary school so young so I repeated year 6 and basically sat at the back of the room teaching myself from years 7, 8 and 9 textbooks. It was fine (if a bit boring) but then when I did go to secondary I found the first few years very easy, as I'd covered or come across a lot of it before. In some ways this was great-I got scholarships etc-but in others it wasn't. When I got to GCSE I suddenly had to start working as I hadn't done any of it before, and I had little idea of how much work was necessary. I ended up with good but not superb GCSE results. So all this goes to say that if your DD does repeat a year to get back into her year group, it might be worth getting her some tutoring or finding another way of stretching her. Of course she may well be a lot more mature than I was and deal with the changes better than I did!

GertrudeBrisket Who has suggested that she thinks being clever is everything? Not so much your DD but you have - "However, I feel that if she was with students her own age, she would be an exceptional student rather than a "pretty good" one".

You must have had good reason to move her up a year in the first place, perhaps reflecting back on those reasons now might help you make a decision as to the best way forward.

She is very talented in a particular sport, and I would like her to move to another school which has a very strong training programme in that sport If the reason for moving her is sport then I'm not sure where dropping a year comes into it. If the only way she can move to the other school is by dropping a year because they do not have a place in the year she is currently in, then surely the reason she is dropping down is to enable her to get into the school, not to "enable her to be an exceptional student rather than a "pretty good" one".

To be clear, I'm not having a dig at you, however, your post, to me at least, has mixed messages in it. Is the issue academic level and or achievement or is it to do with getting access to better sports training and/or facilities? The answer to this will determine how it is viewed by others (this is with reference to "other girls will know and she will be perceived as a failure in some way").

Sorry. I didn't mean to insult her. I am writing from the point of view of research by Carol Dvorak, which shows that children who are burdened by being lablelled as "clever" often struggle, where as those who are praised for "work hard" thrive.

Also the fact that people tend to value those who have struggled to overcome difficulties more than those who seem "to have had it easy/handed to them on a plate".

How any of this will affect University etc. I don't know, that needs local knowledge. However I have known people who did a first degree at a "less prestigious" University and ended up studying for MScs etc. and World leading ones (and doing very very well).

Your daughter is still young, she has plenty of time to worry about her grades etc.

this is exactly why skipping a grade is such a bad idea and why , certainly round here, state schools don't do it anymore. It is pretty lazy to move the child to suitable work, rather than moving suitable work to her.

I am very much in favor of skipping, as it allows children to move up to a more suitable standard of academic work. Putting her back a year for sport is foolish indeed. Sport is a very small part of life,and far too much is made of it. In the States, far too many parents hold their children back a year so. They and better at sport, especially ice hockey and American football.

I have experienced this from the child's point of view. For most of primary school I was in the 'wrong' year group, then this was corrected on transition to secondary school. I did Y7 once at an independent school, and then Y7 again at a more academically selective independent school. Not a great deal of fun at the time, but was probably for the best in the long run.

I had been to five different primary schools (not including nursery) in four different countries by the time I was eight, so having to do Y7 twice was the least of my worries.

The most hilarious year was in the US, when I was 5-6, but spent the year doing 2nd grade with 7-8 year olds.