Can you ask for your DC not to sit next to someone?

[Missedcall974]

DS is about to go Yr 7 and has had bad luck with who else from his primary in his form class. There is a boy who he has had major problems with over the past 3 months to the point he is constantly stressed. I dont want to go into details in case I am outted, but it is more a personal clash with taunting rather than bullying.

Would it be OTT to warn the school by email about the situation or will I be classed as an overbearing and interfering parent before son even starts school. I am worried they are put together in class as school will assume they know each other. DS is mild ASD who cannot cope with certain situations but is not statemented.

It happens in my school, we'd rather know and prevent issues if possible.

I think it would be a good idea to talk to his form tutor or head of year to make them aware of the situation.

We need to email and arrange an SEN meeting anyway, so may just mention it in same email and cc in tutor.

This happened to me.
Luckily most of the teachers made us sit in alphabetical order and none made us sit with others from our primary school so he may be okay...
However, if you feel the need, you could email the school so that they are aware

I don't think people will judge you just because you want your son to be happy going to secondary school is a big thing and you may as well try and get things right before things get out do hand.

Thanks! I don't want to blame anyone as there is always two sides to a problem/story. It is more a case of wanting to prevent the situation as it could set DS off for a while if the issue continues.

I would have thought their primary school teacher would have covered all this stuff.If they haven't they are unikely to believe you and you will seem a bit of a nasty twat smearing a child who hasn't even started yet.

Perhaps phrase it in a way that suggests the two boys have a personality clash and it might be easier for the teachers and other children in the class if they are not sat together? That way you don't sound as if you're blaming either child, you're just trying to help everyone.

Bit uncalled for queen

Not all primary teachers liase with secondary. Ours haven't - no feeder school system here! My son's new school has his report (we think) and Sats results- that's it.

OP as others have said a short email would be good. It's not about blame and shame - you just want to ensure a positive transition for your son. I would welcome the information.

Hope he loves his new school.

Dd has autism and so her secondary have arranged for her to be in a class with her friends they have also arranged for the child who she clashes with to be in a different house. Primaries here liaise closely with secondaries and alert the schools to clashes /difficulties etc. Pretty sure the child who won't be in dd's house won't have been described as difficult more that child a and b don't get on. Dd's primary class are going to four different schools but her teacher has been in touch with all four once places were confirmed it's part and parcel of the transition process offered by her school.

Schools are not always helpful. DD2 was going up to the same secondary as a girl she had been right through primary with, and who was very much "in control" of her. I was anxious for DD to take the opportunity of the change of school to make a fresh start without this so-called friend, and after much should-I-shouldn't-I finally rang the school, explained the situation briefly and asked if DD could if possible be put in a different class.
Not a bit of it. Only two from their primary put together in same class

Thanks for that very unhelpful advice, Queen. I never blamed the other child. My DS is not an angel by any stretch of the imagination. It is the situation that is the issue.

Your advice has been great. I am going to add a little note to SEN email, stating there was a major personality clash in last few weeks of primary school, so I was letting them know so they can monitor the situation in case things become explosive, as they did. I trust school implicitly to handle it the best way but I still think they are better knowing.

"I would have thought their primary school teacher would have covered all this stuff.If they haven't they are unikely to believe you and you will seem a bit of a nasty twat smearing a child who hasn't even started yet."

Luckily DD's school don't believe the sort of thing you have just written queen. They realise that high school is a new start for everyone and like to ensure that all the pupils feel happy and secure while they are at school.

You clearly haven't had a child that has had to deal with these issues.

missedcall You would be doing the right thing to alert the school. I'm surprised they don't split everyone up, or is it a very small school? When DD went to high school there was one other girl from her school in her class. (that went extremely pear shaped, but that is another story)

I would advise letting the tutor and head of year know so they can put in place what is normal for the school. As a tutor of a Yr7 tutor group I didn't have a clue which schools they came from (HOY knows this info) so I wouldn't sit them together based on that necessarily - some might as the info is available, also our school policy is boy/girl and alphabetical order for seating plans. We have 45 primary's that feed into us so a lot of info to retain especially when you are also trying to remember 200+ names in the first week as well!

I frequently get emails asking to make sure certain students are kept seperate in classes all the way up to Yr 11's.

Please bear in mind it might be worth checking when students are set - we set after a few weeks for yr 7 and so he may get new teachers who will need to be told (if he is in the same class as the other student) - again the amount of info on individual students in the first few weeks is vast and x and y not allowed to sit together may get lost when we are discussing how students seem to have felt in a subject and other info we share.