How do you justify seding your child to boarding school?

[sunshine75]

I've read some pretty horrific things lately about boarding schools and the damage they can cause. See this article from the Guardian.

www.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/20/damage-boarding-school-sexual-abuse-children

However, I have no personal experience of one and have no close friends who went to one. Therefore, I don't want to be hasty in forming a negative opinion about them.

So, if you chose to send your child to a boarding school then I'm curious as to why you chose to? For example, why did you chose boarding over a really good day school? Is there anyone who chose a boarding school for a much younger child and was this a really hard thing to do?

[happygardening]

In fact thinking about it my friend was at Radley at about the same time, it's not a school I personally would choose but you couldn't meet more charming delightful family man, sorry to tell you this folks not an emotionally automaton with broken dreams/thoughts/life by any stretch of the imagination.
Odd views on the C of E but we'll give him the benefit of the doubt on that one.

[morethanpotatoprints]

happy

So glad to hear this
I take it your pain has gone. I love your posts on boarding schools and reading them has taught me a lot.

I too used to have negative impressions of boarding school as you only tend to hear the negative aspects in the media. I also had no experience nor did I know anybody who had attended.
I was pleasantly surprised visiting the school my dd wishes to attend one day, and speaking to folk on here and parents at other boarding schools.
It is the same as anyhing else today, you really can't generalise and say they are a particular thing, they all vary from each other, sometimes dramatically.

[Timetoask]

You never know what goes on in someone's life, what internal conflict they may have.

Teenage years are very hard, I don't know if it's better to be at home or at school, but my guess is that if you have a good relationship with your immediate family, if you have a close connection with your parents, if you have a happy family (day to day) life, then it's probably better to be home than at school.

[Hakluyt]

" It doesn't mean we love our children any less because there in boarding school we are simply giving them what we feel is the best in life...In no way do we not love our children...utter rubbish!"

I have never said that you don't love your children.

[happygardening]

Tooth ache not really gone but thanks for asking.
I look at my DS and I just don't see any of the things that people talk about (and God knows it's my area). I see an normal 16 year old in fact that the most commonest comment people make to him and me on meeting him is "he's so normal". He always gets very annoyed when people say this he can't understand why people would think he wasn't normal, yes he's been at boarding school but he has loving parents, a stable home life and caring and committed teachers and others around him. He's not been repeatedly sexually/physically/mentally abused, or beaten up daily in a young offenders unit.

[happygardening]

Hakluyt you're taking my comments out of context I said "utter rubbish" to the idea that boarders only see their families on special occasions and don't experience a big standard normal family day. I don't mind you quoting me but please do it correctly.
"if you have a close connection with your parents, if you have a happy family (day to day) life then it's probably better to be at home than at school"
Why? We have all of that and my DS wants to and likes being at boarding school, he's only very recently been given the option (again) to go to a day school and he chose to continue boarding sighs and puts the luxury holiday brochure in the bin.

[Hakluyt]

I wasn't quoting you, happygardening- I was quoting Dreamgirls. At least, I thought I was-apologies if I got confused.

[morethanpotatoprints]

The sexual abuse that is reported is mainly historical because now it is coming to light. People are being prosecuted and incarcerated, which granted was too late for some poor souls. May they RIP
For many years society turned a blind eye to cruelty, neglect, mentaland physical abuse of children both at school and inthe home.
Its not nice to think that maybe your parents were part of this society, but they were.
Transparency is the key now and in institutions famous for its historical abuse they are totally transparent because parents are their customers and they don't want to lose business due to their past. I can think of one boarding school that operates an open door policy as far as they are able to, because of this.

[TheWordFactory]

I think weekly/flexi boarding is sometimes a pragmatic decision to avoid long travel times, or impossible travel times for pupils.

Full boarding is different. This a decision taken by the school and by the parents that education is best provided in a setting where DC live away from home. You either buy into that or you don't.

Personally, I don't see lots and lots of damaged boarders. They seem fine. But IMVHO it is second best to living at home; so my children are day pupils.

[happygardening]

Long or even impossible travel times to my DS's extra curricular activities, my firm belief in super selectives, the many opportunities provided by my DS's two boarding schools and our location (rural) has always been a large factor in our decision making process when choosing a school. If I'd lived in Barnes maybe I would have gone down a different route, would have no direct and current experience of boarding and now be sitting firmly in the anti boarding camp!
I would have liked weekly boarding and as importantly the necessary good public transport links to home but basically the right school for my DS doesn't offer it.

[Kenlee]

Well all I can say is utter tosh to those who say boarding is rubbish and bad for your children.

My daughter spent her year 7 in boarding. She loves it.

My theory on the matter is if you don't like it. Don't send your children boarding. Leave that option open for those of us who do.

To be honest if by your yard stick I should be the worse of all parents sending my daughter half way around the world to be schooled in the UK. To be honest I dont actually give a monkeys about what you think. The main criteria was that it is what my daughter needs and enjoys.

My daughter flys back at Christmas , Easter and Summer. The time spent with us is more valued. Although the constant whatsapp to her friends is worrying.

[happygardening]

We too value our time together, the excitement when he's coming home especially the long summer break, the enjoyment of mundane family life, the special trips out and the sadness when he about to go back.

[Hakluyt]

You see, I value the "mundane family life" very highly indeed. And if a child isn't there for all of it, then in my opinion they miss out. Particularly if they have non boarding sibs.

[happygardening]

Ok they dont experience all the mundane stuff but they experience other things that non boarders don't I don't think you can say something's are more important than others in the grand scheme of the things I won't my DS to experience both and with 19 weeks at home plus exeats/Sundays etc there not missing lots of mundane stuff frankly.
Most boarders are home birds DS never really wants to go away much to my annoyance, they actually appreciate the mundane family stuff more than day children do probably.

[Hakluyt]

But it's not mundane if you're only doing it for 19 weeks of the year! You miss sibling birthdays, family visitors, pets arriving and dying, silly things that happen, watching particular telly programmes together- all the family "glue"

[CointreauVersial]

Arghh, it's that phrase again - "sent to boarding school".

I wasn't sent to boarding school, I was desperate to go. The school offered amazing opportunities. I didn't need, and have never really needed, the support of my parents during my childhood - I've always been quite self-contained and independent, and loved the environment of boarding. It was like one giant nonstop sleepover! Spending all that time with your friends, instead of boring old mummy - what's not to love?

DD1 is similar to me, and would probably thrive at boarding school (not that it is on the cards). DS, on the other hand, probably wouldn't enjoy it. What is right for one child isn't necessarily for another, and sweeping generalisations really get on my wick.

[CointreauVersial]

Hakluyt - I had no similar-age siblings, we rarely had visitors, no pets, rarely allowed to watch TV, and my mum doesn't do "silly". Home life was pretty damned tedious, tbh...

[byah]

"This gross generalisation about how traumatised boarders are is exceedingly narrow minded and tedious."
Not as tedious as reading comments by people who have their heads firmly buried in the sand to justify sending their children to boarding school... and I know very many people with mental health problems because of being sent away and spending all their childhood years in boarding school ... 11 years for many of them ....
I am with you entirely Hakuyt. I do believe most parents who send their children to boarding school put their own interests first ... As for children saying they are unhappy? well most who are, will say they can't tell their parents because they have been told how lucky they are, what advantages they have and have had all the fuss of entrance exams , CE, uniform and so on ... they just can't say they want to leave . Small children of 7 and 8 can't even articulate their sadness...
And I hear in one post to you that says "What utter rubbish Hakluyt your not living in the 21st century" very strong strands of boarding school bullying.

[Timetoask]

...Spending all that time with your friends, instead of boring old mummy...

As I said upthread, if you have a good happy family life, then it's probably best to be at home. If you have a boring old mummy, then probably boarding is best.