Can't tie laces, or cross roads !! Anyone else got a child starting secondary thats not ready ??

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

I'm starting to panic.

Ds has some issues with school. He's working just below average and hates learning. He struggles to concentrate as he gets easily distracted and has difficulty following instructions.

Because of this I chose a different secondary school to the one his sister's go.to as I felt it wasn't for him. I still think that stands but the school I've chosen is about a mile away and ds has trouble crossing roads.
He had improved a lot but then he got clipped by a car and we are back to square one. He will not cross if can see a car moving at all, and if a driver beckons him to cross he.doesn't understand what they are asking him to do.

He went to town with his sister the other day and he took.his bike. Dd said there is no way he.is capable of walking/cycling there.
I can take and fetch him at the moment but this might not always be the case and.I didn't want to do it all the time anyway because I wanted him to be.more independent.

Another thing I laces, he can't do them. We've tried several ways of teaching him but he can't grasp it and has always forgotten it by the next day. I have visions of him in pe kicking his footie boot half way across the field cos he's.not been able to do it up.

Everyone keeps saying he'll be fine once he gets used to it, but will he ??

For the laces try lock laces
www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Performance-Elastic-Laces-Black/dp/B0083VJ1Q2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406886063&sr=8-1&keywords=lock+laces

They are great, very practical plus athletes use them!

My dd has similar issues but she has AS so different circumstances.

Is he young for his year? I was a secondary teacher before dc and found that the younger boys do take longer to settle and have trouble getting to/from school, remembering homework etc. my ds starts secondary in 2 weeks but is 12.6 due to different start dates here.

Is there a route he can take that involves pedestrian crossings/school crossing patrols? Can you walk the route with him on several occasions before he starts? Dropping him in the morning is fairly normal I think, but most dc aren't picked up every afternoon. Or could he get a bus rather than walk? Would cut out some crossing problems but also introduce something new he'd have to cope with, so maybe not feasible?

As for the shoes - Velcro is your friend! Ds has size 9 feet and his trainers are Velcro! Some dc never learn, it's a very specific skill!

I'd be aware of keeping on top of him taking the right gear, helping him with following the timetable and homework schedule as ime boys have much more trouble with this on transition than girls!! Might be a disinclination to display timetable in the bedroom covered in highlighters and glittery pens, though :)

Hope the school is good for him and that he settles in well.

Thanks for that thornrose.

We are going to walk the route several times but it does involve crossing a busy road that has no crossing. I'm going to show him the best/quietest place to cross.
He's not one of the younger ones really as he's 12 in December but he is quite immature for his age.
He flipped out yesterday when he realised he's got to wear shirts instead of polo shirts as he struggles with buttons too.

The planner in his room is a fab idea, will get one asap as we can use it as a countdown too. Homework is going to be a huge issue, as the once a week homework at primary use to cause huge problems so God knows how he'll be with more.

No glittery pens for planner though lol

I.keep.doubting my choice now as it would have been easier for him to.go to the local school.with his mates, but I just think he'd have drowned under pressure there, and I know from.problems that dd 2 has had that their pastoral care is rubbish.

They grow up so quick its untrue. Dd has just finished year 8 and has only just learnt to tie shoe laces as she's dyspraxic. She's managed with those lock lace things ok.

I think all you can do is fit in as much practice on the actual route as you can, and be ready to walk him in autumn if he really cannot cope.

Most childen change enormously first term in the new environment of secondary (it's like how DC change when they go into reception an seem more grown up), so if his competence can be improved by a change in what he expects of himself, en this is a good time for it.

When he wants to wear shoes with laces, he'll learn to tie them.

BTW: if he's changing to shirts, does that mean ties for the first time too? You'll need to make sure he can knot those too (even if he expects to just slide a home-tied knot up and down, there might be the odd time it falls apart).

They really are great, dd has them in her trainers and no-one has ever commented or even noticed.

I suggest buying shirts a bit too big so he can pull them on and off over his head without using the buttons for now. Not ideal I know.

A couple of years ago I found a website with special clothing for older children with dyspraxia etc. The clothes had concealed poppers instead of buttons but looked 'nomal'. I can't find it but will keep looking!

Other method for shirts is to sew the buttons at the neck and cuffs with shearing elastic. It is like elastic cotton. If you do this the cuffs need never be undone and it makes the collar button easier to do up as they can pull it away from the shirt.

My daughter can't do laces as she has dystonia and cerebral palsy...but walks....we do Velcro.....no one notices! I'm nervous about road crossings as she is a bit slow sometimes as she has epilepsy absences... though we are lucky she shouldn't have to cross one on the way to school,,,but we are spending lots of summer giving her more independence...eg when we go shopping, I give her some money to go off any buy a drink...or if we go into town, I go and have a coffee and she goes off to buy something..... I will be walking with her for a time. It's scary....but just slow small steps I think x

One of my DS couldn't tie shoelaces through the start of secondary school, it's just a skill that not everything can pick up so easily. He wore slip-on shoes, loads of people seem to start wearing them in secondary as well so shouldn't stick out too much!

Have you considered dyspraxia?

It is possible to get Velcro trainers in adult sizes, you may need to hunt for them. No idea about football boots though.

If he is very bad at buttons you could consider adapting his shirts: Cut off the buttons and sew them on the buttonhole edge. Add small bit of Velcro behind button hold and to where the button was. Not sure how well it would work, but I have done similar for my DD2 for a craft shirt at primary. (Or poppers instead of velco as I have just noticed upthread).

re Organisation. My DD1 needed continued support well into y9 on organisation. Make it a priority that everything is always written into his planner. You check the planner every night and help him schedule homework. have a copy of his timetable up and initially help with bag, moving on to quietly checking it and reminding.
DD1 going in to y11 now, is much improved these days, but still needs help scheduling homework if she has a few bits on the go.

Crossing roads: he might find other people are also crossing the road. In which case it might be a point of saying cross if someone else is. Not great, but perhaps better than nothing. We were lucky, DD1 has zebras or lollipops for any busy roads.

I also had to help 'interpreting' homework and structuring how to go about it. Some of it was too open ended for DD1.

hth

M&S do school shirts with the buttons at the cuff elasticated and the one at the neck on velcro. Not sure what size they stop those at but could be worth a look.

Thanks to all for the tips and advice, it's so helpful.

I do think he is dyspraxic yes and that he might also have apd, but getting anyone to listen to me hasn't happened yet. We've just changed doctors and so I'm hoping that this along with new school might be helpful in moving forward with that.

We bought the cotton school shirts from M and S and they are very soft and seem to have bigger buttons than the Asda ones.

Also recommend colour coding books with a different colour sticker for each day. some books will have several colours to show that he needs them more than once a week.

You can buy small dot stickers in 5 colours from wilkinsons.

I'm in the same boat:(
My ds is 11.5, has aspergers and is starting at a secondary school 5 miles away as we lost our appeal. It's 2 buses each way, on his own.

Part of me thinks he's not ready, attended local primary for 7 years, took him a long time to make real friendships and now he's going alone to a new school.
He's just finished week 1 of a 2 week Summer camp and has loved it and made friends.
However, the reality of September is worrying me. He has been dropped off and picked up a lot this week by My df and I don't know how he will cope alone.

He also has anxiety issues.
Ds is in size 10 shoe and also cannot tie his laces.
Maybe we're underestimating them? I know my ds wants independence and to be accepted so I think he will be doing a lot of growing up over the next few months.
I think he's more ready than I am:)

we have these laces for all ds2's shoes and trainers. they look like ordinary laces but work like a zip. he wears exactly the same shoes as his peers - no need for slip ons or velcro styled shoes, its great!

If he can't tie laces can he tie a knot? Just make too loops and knot them together.

Shirts - sew them up except for the top 2/3 buttons so he can pull them over his head.

My ds used these and they worked really well after a couple of years of him just knotting them very loosely. The shoes lasted much better too.