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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Boarding - making friends

22 replies

barrackobana · 05/07/2014 19:07

Ds will be starting at boarding senior school this September (very excited) he's had his induction day and met the other boys who will be joining in his house, 10 of them (all seem nice). My question is, do the children get to make friends with boys in other houses or will he be restricted to just the ones in his house? I just started wondering about this, because 10 is a very small pool from which to choose friends. Do your boys get to do things with boys from other houses at all? Or is it only during lessons that they all interact?

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ZeroSomeGameThingy · 05/07/2014 19:24

Sports (individual and team,) orchestra, bands, choir, debates, societies, trips, acting, chapel, art, dt, good works, D of E, tutor group meetings... so many things I've probably forgotten! Does he eat in house or centrally?

He will be endlessly in the company of boys from outside his own house. Some schools do make more of the house community than others - and he may come to think of his house as "family" - but I'd be surprised if he found he was in any way limited to socialising only with the other 9 new boys - who might anyway be in different sets for lessons.

Original poster

barrackobana · 05/07/2014 19:31

Aaah! Hadn't thought of that ds will be actively involved in lots of those. It's just all the boys he's bumped into going to the same school as him are all in different houses and he was a little disappointed, it got me thinking.

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Original poster

barrackobana · 05/07/2014 19:32

And they eat in house.

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happygardening · 06/07/2014 10:14

Obviously boys make friends with boys in other houses but it's likely that his closest friends will be amongst those he makes in house. 10 close friends is quite a lot if you think about it, most of us have perhaps 2-3 really close friend, then lots of friends we see regularly, then lots of people we just know.
My DS eats in his house, the "house community" is very strong at his school but he still has friends in other houses and year groups who as zero says he's met through lessons, sport, and other activities.

summerends · 06/07/2014 14:26

My impression is that the close proximity and in some schools shared dorms is the basis of almost sibling-like relationships within a house. This may include those that you really don't have much in common with and irritating phases with many along the way. Friends from shared lessons and activities are more like the friendships you form in day schools.

Original poster

barrackobana · 06/07/2014 16:03

Thanks for all your comments. I suppose I was thinking, he is not likely to make friends with all 10 boys, but might make 2 or 3 out of them. Well won't fret about it, look forward to it all with positivity.

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Lottiedoubtie · 06/07/2014 16:09

What summerends said! Definitely true, it doesn't matter if he doesn't immediately love spending time with all 10 of the boys in his year (and don't forget boys in other years, vertical boarding fosters friendships accross year groups) they will become like family and will find a way of functioning as their own little community (healthily, assuming a good HM!).

Friends from other houses will be like the day friends most kids make at school, and there will be times when they are allowed to visit each other + Skype, texting and whatever other teenage communication tool is in vogue next term!

Teddingtonmum1 · 06/07/2014 21:49

My DS is weekly boarding too from September , I think there's 8/10 boys boarding in his year , thankfully his pretty sociable so fingers crossed he'll find his feet quickly more worried about he thinks boarding is going to be some sort of hotel experience !!! Keep warning him to pick up his stuff off the bathroom floor and cutting down his showering time its going to be a rude awakening!!

Horleyox · 06/07/2014 22:05

Sorry to be a bit cynical, but my son's experience of how to fit in and make friends in his boarding house was to have an iPhone 5 and wear Abercrombie & Fitch and/or Hollister clothes. London influence on a SE school. Sad and superficial!

Teddingtonmum1 · 06/07/2014 22:24

Oh no his only got a I phone 4s !!! ...#disaster

Lottiedoubtie · 06/07/2014 22:52

That is not the experience of the London boarders I know, so I wouldn't panic!

Teddingtonmum1 · 06/07/2014 23:02

Phew ...

Original poster

barrackobana · 06/07/2014 23:22

Ds hasn't got an iPhone anything and he won't be getting one either! The boys we met seemed very level headed (all international students but one!) so we won't be worrying about that. Fingers crossed!

Horley hope you and ds are okay? All the best

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petrova · 07/07/2014 18:45

Agree with summerends and Lottie . My son is at a school where there are 10 or so from each year in a house, and they eat in house. He has a sibling like relationship with his house friends and has friends from other houses, made from sitting next to them in class, rugby, fives, cricket and drama. Luckily, he has never had the experience of having to wear clothes with certain names on them or have the latest i-phone to be accepted (just as well, as he wouldn't get them!) . Boarders are usually very good at tolerating different personalities. My son has made 3-4 very good friends within his house, enjoys the company of the majority and has learnt to find the good points in a couple of boys he wouldn't normally choose to be with.He also has good friends from other houses, but is definitely closer to his house mates.
Horley - hope your son is ok and having good experiences at the school he is at now.

happygardening · 07/07/2014 19:43

We've also never experienced the need to have certain brands etc although I suspect most have an iPhone of some description and they are likely to be the latest it goes with the territory frankly. But I don't think having these things makes you more accepted.
It's the type person you are that makes you accepted and liked not the latest brands. Decent funny kind boys who are not endlessly moaning and prepared to give most things ago are generally well liked.

EbaneezerScrooge · 07/07/2014 20:43

They will make friends with boys from all houses during lessons, sport, activities etc. He will also make friends with boys from other years. Although his close friends that he will keep forever are likely to be roommates, certainly from the same house if there not roomies. (How can they not be, they live together constantly)
Your DS wont need anything "posh", (unless the school says so, even then I would be weary unless it uniform). Boys fit in and adapt. They all accept each other (you get the odd ones which don't, but there usually friends with the other non mixers).
Your DS will have loads of fun and loads of new friends from all back grounds and houses. I wouldn't even be surprised if he came home wearing another boys t shirt. (I know my son did once, he didn't even realise.)
As a boarder, you cant help but make friends.

Original poster

barrackobana · 08/07/2014 08:03

Thanks again for all the encouraging posts. 'Decent,funny and Kind' are exactly what describes DS .DS will be kitted out adequately in Sports Direct gear. I remember there's a thread here about what type of suitcase to get I need to dig that out.

One of the boys parents has already invited ds to meet up before resumption .

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summerends · 08/07/2014 09:02

HG I really like that. "Decent, funny and kind" is much more important than 'cool with designer gear' in a boarding house as in life although sometimes it takes a bit of time for some boys to appreciate it.

happygardening · 08/07/2014 09:55

With regard to suit cases my DS has the lightest, wheeliest one we could find. Unless your boarding house is a bungalow (our feels like it's over 20 floors) and you live next door these are better than trunks as you DS will hopefully be able to move it around single handedly and you will be able to get it in and out of the car. It worth spending a reasonable sum and buying the best quality one you can, we bought ours with a 70% reduction in our local House of Fraser it had been really expensive before the massive reduction but apparently it was an "unfashionable colour".
I was looking at it the other day and despite being literally dragged up 20 flights of stairs twice a term for the last three years there's not a mark on it and it still wheels in all directions beautifully. The extending handle is also as it was when we bought it. Definitely worth the extra spend. If we had public transport links, which we don't, my DS could get home on his own with it because it's so manoeuvrable.
Some schools state the max size and type of suitcase as in most schools storage space is limited. We also provide a lockable "tuck box" these are great for putting important possessions in.
Good luck to your DS.

Original poster

barrackobana · 08/07/2014 10:03

Ooh! Thanks very much HG, I should get down to house of Fraser ASAP as I believe sales are currently on in lots of shops. Can you describe type of tuck box please?

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happygardening · 08/07/2014 10:29

Our is similar to the one on the JL website search tuck box they're not cheap!! We bought the suitcase right at the end of the House of Fraser sale (a shop I never go in normally) which is why it had such a large reduction, it's a sort of horrible grey brown colour. DS was due back to school that night and happened to mention at 4 PM that his old suitcase was broken and could I get him a new one, we're rural, so I just hotfooted it off to the nearest likely shop, muttering under my breath and found it given more notice I probably would have spent slightly less and not bought such a good one.

Original poster

barrackobana · 08/07/2014 12:11

HG I've pm'd you.

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