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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Original poster

Two DC. In two different Secondary Schools

32 replies

Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 11:54

As of September that will be me. Anyone else done it? How do you stop yourself comparing? Is it a bit weird?

OP posts:
derektheladyhamster · 02/07/2014 11:56

No idea, but this will be me too in Sept Grin

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 11:57

I went to the new intake evening for DS2 yesterday. It dawned on me suddenly how strange it will be.

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HercShipwright · 02/07/2014 11:58

Yep, DD1 is at a superselective GS, DS is at a comp. It's all I've known, so I don't know if it's weird. In September DD2 will go to DD1's school, and I'm wondering if that will be weird - having 2 kids at the same school again (it's been a while, DS is just finishing Y9).

I do compare the schools, all the time, but the comparisons work out about 50:50 between them - there are things about one school that I prefer, and things about the other school that I prefer.

What exactly are concerned about (other than logistics which can, I admit, be a bugger).

motherinferior · 02/07/2014 11:58

Round here it happens a fair bit as the two local comps are single-sex.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 12:01

So as not to drip feed, DS1 started at the school DS2 is about to but never settled, so after much deliberation we moved him. It was the best decision-all is fine.

DS2 didn't want to go to DS1's new school-all his mates are going to the original school and he's quite happy.

I think after 2 years I have got so used to the new school, it's weird to be going back to the old one where DS1 had so many miserable times.

Hope that makes sense.

Logistics not too bad DS1-school bus 12 miles away, DS2 walk half a mile.

OP posts:
SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 02/07/2014 12:05

Yes, DS1 has just left one local school and DS2 is at the other one! It's never been odd to me at all, because for various reasons they have never been in the same school at the same time.

You will notice how DS2's school differs from DS1's though - for us it was contact. DS1's school is mega-contact - letters, texts, e-mails etc. etc. whereas DS2's is virtually no communication whatsoever. No newsletters, no e-mails, no text system - just an annual report.

Although, come to think of it, they do manage a letter when they want money for something!

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 12:08

Yes Santas I think it will be the newsletters/communication/pastoral care that I will notice.
Due to an injury DS1 had at new school I am on first name terms with a lot of the staff there in Admin. Grin They were soo good about it.

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Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 12:09

I have kept all DS1's uniform from Year 8 so at least that will be easy. Grin

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ComeHeather · 02/07/2014 12:10

I've got two teens in two different secondary schools. Their choice-they are different people and have different interests.

I don't compare really. All school have strengths and weaknesses. As long as they are happy which (at the moment, fingers crossed) they are then it works well. They don't suffer from being "x's brother" but are seen as complete individuals which is good.

I think it's really helped the younger one's development, but that's a happy by-product, not something we set out to do. He feels a lot more independent as he's not following in his brother's footsteps.

TheWordFactory · 02/07/2014 12:11

Yep, I have twins at different secondaries!

It's fine, their different schools suit them. Obviously you compare, but providing one doesn't consistently come off second best, that's okay Grin...
Logistics are a pain though. As are double sports day, double speech day, double parents evening, double GCSE options evening.

Think they'll converge again at sixth form and that will be nice!

GooseyLoosey · 02/07/2014 12:18

Yes, mine will be in separate schools - 1 year apart. I do compare but they are very different people and the school that one thrives in would not suit the other. I do have to remind myself to look at the overall picture and not cherry pick the best bits from each to compare.

Logistically it can be difficult but you just work around it.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 12:33

It's lovely to hear I am not alone. Goosey that's how it is for us re fitting in, we think DS2 will be just fine. They are very different characters.

Twins at different secondaries-was that a conscious decision TWF?

I guess it will be an advantage that there will be no 'ooh you are nothing like your brother are you?' etc. Unless the teachers have long memories. Grin

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TheWordFactory · 02/07/2014 12:48

Well they went to the same prep school, and then both went off to single sex schools at secondary.

It's what they and we wanted at the time.

Being different sexes has always helped with the comparison problem. Plus they are soooo different in personalities/abilities.

But DD has said she'd like to transfer to DS school for sixth form (when it goes co-ed). It's in London and it's much more selective than her current school...

In many ways I'd be happier with her staying at her current school for sixth form (so lovely, so supportive, so happy, so safe), but she wants to spread her wings. And of course it will make my life and schedule easier Grin.

HercShipwright · 02/07/2014 12:49

I would be concerned that people will say that sort of thing to DD2 - comparing her to DD1 - if it wasn't for the fact that she has always done exactly the same things DD1 does, by choice, on the grounds that 'DD1 makes good choices!'. She's used to being compared to her, and doesn't seem to mind. She takes it as a compliment (which it is, DD1 is lovely, as is DD2). It's much better for DS - who is very different to his sisters - to not be compared to either of them. At his school, he is who he is, not who he is in comparison with his sisters. So, he can be great at two instruments without anyone saying 'oh, but they do 4 don't they?' He can be good at history without anyone commenting on the marks DD1 got at that level. And so on. My sister was compared to me all the way up our school, and she hated it. When I hit the 6th form, for the very first time I was taught be a teacher who had never taught me before but had taught her all the time - and the firs thing she said was 'I hope you're as good at history as your sister' and it massively pissed me off. And only then did I realise how shitty life must have been for my sister for the last 3 years.

Theas18 · 02/07/2014 12:56

I think it could well be exactly the right thing for your kids. Agree with not comparing siblings. Mine went to single sex schools and by the time DD2 came along DD1 was year 12 so the comparisons were fading nicely.

I friend has had her kids at different mixed comps because they play to the strengths of each child ( and she has true choices being pretty equidistant between the 2) .

Moid1 · 02/07/2014 12:57

About to - DS1 (yr 8) state comp and DS2 (yr 6) about to go to non selective co-ed private. It was his induction day today, we pick him up at 3.30pm, so fingers crossed it went well.

DS1 doesn't seem to mind and doesn't want to move. The thought of compulsory chapel makes it a no-go for him!! For DS2 sport and smaller classes was the decider.

I also had a second job interview this morning, that went well, so now have a job to pay for DS2 schooling and importantly a cleaner. Grin

smoothieooo · 02/07/2014 13:01

Yep. DS1 at a selective grammar (2000 applicants for 180 places) and DS2 at the local comp. DS2 is really bright but his brother's school would not have been right for him and I didn't want him to even sit the tests. It was (and still is) the right thing for both of them.

DS1's journey to school is half an hour by bus and DS2's school is a 3 minute walk away!

littlesupersparks · 02/07/2014 13:02

My sister has 4 kids who were at 3 different schools. Eldest at the comp she taught at - youngest 3 at grammar schools (gendered)

It worked out pretty well for them!

HelpMeGetOutOfHere · 02/07/2014 13:06

I haven't at the moment but will have in 3 years time, as they go to single sex schools. ds1 went to a third school! ds2 I at local grammar school single sex and dd will go to single sex school, probably not the single sex grammar though as she's not up to that standard.

Ds1 is now at college, so one at college (17) one at senior boys school (12) and one at junior school (8), all three different sites. Luckily the transport is good here, ds1 gets the bus, ds2 cycles, so only have to get dd to school and collect.

Original poster
Sparklingbrook · 02/07/2014 13:10

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it's great to read. I think people will be surprised that we aren't sending DS2 to DS1's school. It's quite difficult to explain how DS1 didn't fit but DS2 will.

Although if DS2 doesn't fit we know what to do. Smile

I too got compared to DB all the way through school. And he was the one that didn't have to do much to get great grades and picked things up instantly. Sad

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TheWordFactory · 02/07/2014 13:16

I think by the end of year 6 my two were pleased to go their seperate ways.

School were just starting to notice how academic DS was, and there was lots of fuss about him getting into Westminster. DD felt very average.

DS on the other hand was sick of seeing his sister getting picked for everything because she was so uber confident etc!

These last years have allowed them to grow into themselves as individuals (always tricky for twins). I think sixth form will be okay (I hope). They will have developed who they are and have confidence in how they are.

When asked about DD joining his school, DS seems quite cool with it. Obviously, having immediate access to the new joining girls is a bonus! The only negative thing he has said, is that she'd better not be made a prefect and start lording it over him Grin...

AtiaoftheJulii · 02/07/2014 22:01

I've got three at three different schools. I'd never considered it to be odd until I read people questioning it here! They're different people so I don't know why you would default to them going to the same place without thinking about it, at least.

purpleroses · 02/07/2014 22:12

My DD is about to start a different school from DS. She got into a selective (private) school that he didn't. He's happy where he is though and says (now!) that he didn't want to go there anyway.

But lots of DD's friends are going to DS's school - they went on their induction day today which was strange. DS came home talking about having seen DD's friends - it's odd thinking they'll all be together and DD won't be with them.

Her new school seems brilliant - loads of extra-curricular opportunities, that DS hasn't had, which does make me a bit sad for him (as well as happy for her of course). I do wonder how I can make it up for him.

CharmQuark · 03/07/2014 11:38

My sister,brother and I all went to different schools.

I see it as normal at secondary.

JustADadHere · 03/07/2014 13:33

My two will be going to two different schools as well, but to add to it, eldest is at a state comp and the younger is going to a highly academic independent. They are different boys and have different needs.

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