So, we have been offered the Catholic top choice for Y7, going into Y8....

[QuintessentiallyQS]

But ds1 is sort of settled in his independent, and we are really unsure what to do.

One big Pro is the lack of school fees, another is the sibling policy.

A big con is the journey, which is 45 minutes, out of the area.

DS is not 100% happy in his school. He loves the building, and the teachers, and is doing well academically. He is less sure about most of the kids, though. He finds many of them mean and snobby.

I think I remember your thread last year. Is this a school that he applied to but didn't get a place initially?

What does your DS1 want to do? Would he mind leaving his current school?

Would you/he be happy with the doing the journey, day in day out in all weathers?

Would he have any friends from primary school at the new school and would they make him feel welcome? Is your DS confident enough socially to make new friends?

How do both schools compare academically?

Oops sorry - lots of questions

Can he get transport or would you have to take him? That is a big chunk of the day but not so unusual, especially in rural areas. He does, presumably, have some friends at his current school, but obviously he has highlighted a risk of private education. You can't actually say he won't find this is in a Catholic School either. Our state grammar schools are full if snobs! Ultra pleased that they are not paying school fees on the one hand but secretly wishing they could afford Eton on the other!!! The very rich are rarely snobs.

If he is not bothered about leaving any friends, special facilities and ethos you might as well start again and save the money, assuming you want the Catholic ethos. As you are mentioning money, I assume this is an issue. I also assume the academics and extra curricular activities are not that different in each school, so it is tempting to save the money. If he will meet people who are worth networking with at the independent school, does this matter to you if the opportunity is lost? Certain schools still open doors. On balance, I would probably go to the Catholic school. Could you move closer by using the fees you will save?

They are good questions!

What does your DS1 want to do? Would he mind leaving his current school?

He does not know. I think he is looking to US to make a decision.

Would you/he be happy with the doing the journey, day in day out in all weathers?

Again, uncertain. Some children have even longer journeys, and the school day is shorter. His term dates and half term will fall in with ds2s, and that is another positive.

Would he have any friends from primary school at the new school and would they make him feel welcome?

Yes, one friend. And I think he would make him feel welcome. He is a lovely boy.

Is your DS confident enough socially to make new friends?
He is a bit socially awkward due to bullying (which has also been a problem at current school)

How do both schools compare academically?

Both schools are good. But his current school is a selective with very high academic standards. The new school is not academically selective, but the y still manage to get a big percentage of A* and A students, going on to study medicine, engineering, maths, etc. Current school is very hot on languages, new school has specializations in Maths and Science. DS favourite subjects are maths, physics and chemistry. He also has As in French.

I would look into the school buses availability. My DC are at a very well regarded Catholic comp, and the buses come from all over, so even if there isn't a direct one from where you live, there may be a bus he can connect with after (say) a 10 minute car journey.

Then tbh, if he's been bullied, I would grab the opportunity to move.

Ditto: if he is being bullied in his current school and you have an option that suits him as well if not better than his current school, then I would move him. The journey will get easier as he gets older and you can put aside the money you will save on fees to perhaps fund taxis one way especially in the winter perhaps?

It does sound like the new school would be a good fit for him then. There is a lot to be said for being happy at school and nice friends will play a big part in that as will the subject specialisation.

There are not any school buses. He can take a bus to the station, then a train for 3 stops, walk 10 minutes.

Not sure about the networking opportunities at his current school, although I do think it is a school that open doors, and the Catholic schools perhaps not as much. It is not in the league of the Oratory, but still heavily oversubscribed. I like that the demographic is more mixed, just like real life. It is also a more inclusive school. You get a chance to play sports (outside PE lessons) even if you are not selected for the A team, or the squad. If you want to sing, you can participate in some of the choirs without having to pass an audition and be turned down if your voice is not 100% tinklebell.

Could you send him in for a taster day? He is the right age to help with the decision.

My instinct is to say move him, asap, he doesn't sound very happy as his school.

I'd be inclined to move him in the circumstances, but won't you have to pay a term in lieu ? Any chance you could move closer or at least to cut the journey time down .

Yes, I reckon we might have to pay a terms fees.

Just seen the replies I missed, and see he has been bullied. Bit of a no brainer really! :) Good luck.

The biggest bullies are however moving at the end of the year....

Think what you could do with all those fees saved for him and sibling...

Paying 1 terms fees in lieu of notice would be a mere drop in the ocean.

I think he is slightly worried that he wont make friends.

He has struggled socially the last few years, and is losing confidence and beginning to think it is him.

I had a thread about him being called a "scandinavian nigger" some time back, and when kids saw him upset, they sort of latched on to that and the goading began.

So if you drive him to the station, then he gets train 3 stops and a 10 min walk. Is that a possibility?

I think a taxi, especially when siblings start, would be a good idea. Moving schools boosted both my children's confidence, although I know its not always the same for everyone, it can be very liberating to re-invent yourself. Especially if you have acquired a label.

When they both start, I can drop them both off to the station. Until then, I need to be doing the school runs for ds2, who is in a Catholic primary outside our Parish (one hour round trip)

I think ds1 has never settled into this posh environment, and feels he cant be himself, or that he is not accepted as himself. However, he loves the environment of the school, the beautiful gardens, and the leafy setting. He also feels he has learnt a lot, so has enjoyed the academic side.

I think if you want a mixed demographic then you have really answered your own question. This is rarely seen in the independent sector who tend to be pretty similar people, albeit with differences in income. Mixed is probably what they don't want. If you are Catholic I think the Catholic school is for you as you have already chosen a Catholic primary. Sounds like the curriculum would suit too. However, no school can guarantee a child won't be bullied. Although what you have said he has been called is nothing short of disgusting! Let's hope a fresh start will be what he needs.

Quintessential-if it is the school I think it is they have a Musical Production on Friday night and Saturday at 3pm. A good chance perhaps to see the school in action for your ds? Both my sons are in it [proud]

Swanhilsa is it open for the public Saturday?

I don't see why not -you could go as a friend of the Year 7 boy you know, surely. The Year 7's are all participating in a fete whether they are in the Production or not. You could ask him perhaps.