My DC just won't study.

[ephpa95]

My DC is in Year 8 and has just come home with very poor exam results throughout, except in art and PE which he enjoys. Although he is embarrassed and unhappy about the results, he simply buries his head in the sand and refuses to think up any alternatives to his current learning patterns (basically very little and unorganised). I try to encourage him, suggest ways he can learn better, but he refuses every offer of support. He is a very bright and very good child and hugely interested in the world but he just can't and does not learn. He got into a very good secondary school but now his motivation to invest any effort into his studies has come to a screeching halt. At the same time he wants to do well and is upset when others get merits or awards. Any helpful advice?

It sounds as though it is all too much for him. What age is Year 8? Am I right in thinking about 12 or 13?

I think he has to realise that unless you are ridiculously clever, you have to work. Does he know how to revise? Some children are disorganised and do not know how to start and lose concentration very easily. Does he make revision notes? Have the teachers suggested a strategy. As it is not all too much for the other children, a little bit of discipline towards his work and revision would go a long way. I think I would draw up a revision timetable next time and check what he should be doing with the school. If he is in a school that is commensurate with his ability, then he will probably understand what is required when he matures a bit. Sounds like he needs to do this fairly quickly though!

What are his afternoons like?
How much time would he spend on doing homework?
Is he doing homework on the day when it is given or always last minute?

I have met with his teachers, everyone is offering him help and advice, the school runs clinics before revision time (which he dodged) and although he says he is willing and thinks he is working he just isn't. His revision notes are sketchy at the most - and the teachers can't sit next to him and watch what he writes down. Most of the time he "forgets" to write down his homework, or forgets he had homework although the school has a website where they can look up their assignments. He just doesn't do it.When I get involved he just jams the brakes, starts shouting and says - in a way rightfully so - that his work is his responsibility. I have tried motivation, I have tried withdrawal of sports, and and and. Generally homework is done last minute. I have a to do chart in his room - I am Mrs super organiser. And he's enthusiastic about any idea to help him organise. And then - nothing.

How does he want to get better at doing it?
He has to drive it - maybe by doing his favourite subject on the day when it's given as a homework?

On another note - from the time my kids were tiny I used to say to them - I go to work to do my job- you go to school to do your job. I sometimes don't like it and find it hard - so can you. But you have no choice as I have no choice. So better get on with it!

I have no issue with their homeworks etc. In fact I am deliberately hands off - I'd rather they flopped now at gcse's than at A levels or at uni - so no hand holding and helping in our family. Apart when they occasionaly ask for few tutor lessons - it helped my DD with physics - perhaps 10 lessons in total, and 6-7 in maths to polish up her knowledge.

I had my ds being late for school due to him watching TV in the morning I threatened to take away internet from him but for 1 hour a day to do his homework - he knows I meant it and he pulled his socks up.

Oh this is so much like my DD1 (Y6 about to start secondary - thus my looking at this).

Our solutions have been these:

1. No tv/ computer/ DS until homework is done.

2. No computer game time that day if you forget to bring home homework/ item of clothing (latter is the real issue right now - but related problem).

3. Let me see your homework before you go off & play/ watch tv/ go outside. If I think this is bare minimum (classic with maths homework is to just write down the answers and not show the work) I make her do the missing work. Yes, I get the look or the 'grunt' - but as DD1 professes she wants to go on in maths I rather feel demonstrating 'proof' (how the problem was solved - QED) is critical.

4. Reward for doing well after working hard. If DD does particularly well on something - we celebrate. Maybe I make a cake or we go to a movie. But when she's obviously put in a lot of work on something and then achieved we make sure she understands that we respect that whole process. We've also made a fuss when she hasn't achieved but we know she's worked hard - fortunately that has only happened the once so far.

5. DD2 (currently Y4) is gearing up for 11+ prep year next school year and we've stressed to DD1 that it will help a lot if while DD2's working hard on bond books, etc... if she could be obviously reading/ doing homework/ etc... as well. So DD2 doesn't feel she's the only one working this hard - and loses will (which happened with DD1).

6. if art and PE (?sports) are his thing - use these against him. Don't let him go straight to a drawing project he'll spend all evening on - say he can only start that once x or y are finished first. Don't let him stay on the team or go to play a sport with friends if he hasn't been doing his homework all week. It's tough and possibly deeply unfair, but if his 'default' is not to do the stuff he doesn't enjoy - you have to use what he enjoys against his inertia.

I do accept that at secondary, especially with boys, hormones/ peer pressure/ conceptions of being 'into' school as being deeply 'uncool' mean that firing them up about doing school work is an uphill battle - but personally it's a battle worth having. I also think that this may be the 'crunch' when work becomes more demanding and requires effort - a lot of people can give up at this point, instead of persevering and putting that extra time in to 'get it' and go on to achieve.

HTH

Oh dear. This sounds hugely frustrating OP. Are the school bothered by his attitude? Have they instigated any punishments? I have to say both my DDs boarded and I very rarely saw their homework let alone supervised it. The school obviously would have told me if they were not doing it but they had a specific time after tea to do it. Nothing else was available in school during prep time. Nothing. However, my DDs were aware that some pupils were so disorganised that they never completed prep and were easily distracted. It happens everywhere.

I still think he is immature, especially if he gets upset when others are getting the rewards and praise. Surely a mature young person would realise why he is not rewarded? At secondary school, especially good ones, there will be stiff competition. Is he sulking because he cannot be the best, so he has given up trying? He may say homework is his business, but clearly this is bravado as he appears unable to approach his responsibilities in a mature way.

What conversations have you had with the school? I might see if they can instigate a tighter system of monitoring his attendance at revision and quality of work. I would also expect them to apply sanctions if he has such a poor attitude. It may be he is not as bright as you think and actually cannot do the work! Is this a possibility? It could be he is just lazy and determined to do only what he wants. Not everyone achieves what they should because personality can play a destructive role. I wish you well though.

oK- some questions. When you say "very poor results" do you mean objectively poor, or poor for him?

Does he pay attention in class? Because a bright well taught child who pays attention should be able to do OK in year 8 exams without much revision.

Does he have a homework planner and do you have to sign it? Can you access the school website with the homework on it?

I could have written your post word for word OP. The only thing that I notice which gives hope is that ds1 is hugely motivated and interested when he IS interested in something, and I suspect he will suddenly want to do well in order to do the next thing, A levels, and that will kick start a lot of his more competitive interest in doing well in exams, ergo doing more actual sitting at the desk and revising.
My ds1 is dyspraxic and very disorganised, and very much fights the "problem" of work being difficult by just avoiding it, so rather than scream at him constantly we are trying to focus on a very small amount properly done.
Also we now have a Maths tutor so that he sees he can do it, and Maths tutor has already showed him he is capable of being a whole level higher than he thought (just because he was avoiding the work completely)
I think there is a very strong drive to be scatty and avoidant at that age, partly because they genuinely aren't interested. Once you get them interested in WHY they need to work and the MEANS by which to work rather than telling them it is their duty, privilege to work they tend to be more focused.

I also disagree with Past's viewpoint. Sport is essential to recharge. In fact the more sport he does the more likely he is to concentrate when he does work. The aim is to get them to want to study not condition them into believing there is no escape.

Actually it might be that your child isn't very happy in their school OP and that is why he cannot learn there. Maybe the way the subjects are taught defeats him. A child that is very bright and hugely interested in the world? Perhaps the school is failing to motivate him, rather than you.
Sometimes the sense of having jumped a hurdle to get into a school which is sought after in conventional circles can blind us to the fact that it doesn't actually suit our individual child.

My DS is the same ephpa95 except that he enjoys different subjects to yours. No solutions here, but you have my sympathy.

Swan

Just to say I was using sport as a carrot to bait my DD into doing her work. I'm not saying that sport isn't beneficial - healthy body/ healthy mind and all that.

so if during the week she's read regularly, done all homeworks sent home (which usually is a big fat 0) and done a bit of on-line maths practice/ games then yes, she can go to swimming, gymnastics, cricket, play in the football match this coming Wednesday, etc....

As she desperately wants to do these things - she tends to get the homework done. I only withheld permission for a sporting event the once and she's never messed me around with homework in the week since.

However, we've had a spate of lost clothing incidents (including brand new trainers which have never surfaced - kiss £40 goodbye) - so I have also said anything else goes missing we're stopping something to make up for this because it's starting to cut into my money for 'extras' like haircut, meals out with friends, new sandals for summer for me (first in 10 years) etc...

However, I do take your point Swan - that every child is different and those with learning difficulties (such as ADD/ dyspraxia/ etc...) may well need to be handled differently.