Senior Tutor has sort of accused us of having hidden that our son is on the child protection register.

[TroubledPreteen]

My son has some problems at his secondary school.

Last week he got some detergent in his eye and had to go to A&E and on to an eye clinic, missing first period in the morning. We took a letter in to school from the eye clinic explaining why he had been off.

I have now had an email from school saying that the hospital nurse rang school to inform them that our son is on the child protection register, and why have I not told them when the paperwork clearly asks for this type of information.

He is not on any register. I dont know what the school is playing at. I rang our GP who then spoke to both the hospital and social services to confirm that we are not on any register. GP confirmed that and said there is nothing on the paperwork from hospital that suggests that some boxes have been incorrectly ticked either, and GP thought it was very strange and did not make sense at all. GP explained how the child protection register works, and that there is no way we would be on it without knowing.

I think that the school is trying to "scare us" with this. Son has not settled. He has been bullied since two months into the school year. He has told the school, and I have spoken to the senior tutor myself about it, and said who the main instigators are. My son finally lost it recently and punched one of his bullies, so the school has recommended we leave. They say it will be impossible for my son at the school now, as they predict the kids will ram up their treatment of my son as a result of this incident, making school life impossible for him. They say they cant be everywhere and ensure all is fine, and my son is now a liability and a ticking bomb.

Of course it does not help that son stopped reporting the incidents when he realized it made things worse for him, as it meant he was a snitch.

I really dont know how to deal with this and help son. Not sure what to do in regards to the school also. I feel so sad that it has turned out this way.

Son is meanwhile on the waiting list for counselling and anger management. Ironic really, he would not be angry and frustrated if he was not bullied.

But the main thing is, why do you think the school has come up with this nonsense of my son being on the child protection register?

My DD was bullied & her confidence took years to return. She's in an incredibly happy place now, but her education suffered because she was unable to let go of the anger she felt over the bullying. It tainted how she felt about school. Counselling has beneficial & I am pleased to see your son is on the waiting list. DD had some free & some private counselling & it was money well spent.

If you can find the time & energy (I feel for you totally), I would strongly suggest you contact your son's current school's chair of governors and address your concerns. The CPR question is a worry & I would want to know where this error was made & an apology from those concerned. It is wrong for a school to blame the bullied & not deal with the bully & this happens in the state & independent sector more often than anyone wants to admit. Best of luck OP & best of luck to your son.

I would also move my child from a school that does not tackle bullying robustly and sensitively.

Thanks for further replies.

My son has had his second session with a "conflict management counselor", and also seen a psychiatrist, we did a more than two hour long assessment. We are at depression and anxiety due to bullying. Having another meeting with school tomorrow.

Not sure how much longer my brave face can last.

The psychiatrist agreed it was a real dilemma regards to school. On the one hand it would be good for son to stay at current school and work it out rather than move as it might make him feel a failure, but on the other hand the new schools sounds like a much better environment.

The biggest bully has left current school, which means the other one, is on his own without his mate there. Son thinks this will make a difference and would like to try to stay on for year 8- I am so torn.

Psychiatrist suggested prozac, but we agreed that we should try to remove causes before medicating. The psychiatrists was very wise. He asked, "If we disregard the punch, what is the biggest problem". The punch is not a problem, but what caused him to punch IS a problem.

But, I am wondering if it is the same fear that is crippling my son regards to leaving, as battered and abused spouses experience?

But at least, I have come out of this feeling that we are good parents trying our best, and not failing our son. But it is heartbreaking when your child is this unhappy.

We have to plod on.

Thanks for PMs.

Oh my, this is so sad!

Completely understand why you and your son are torn.

In fairness though, even though the bullying has been a problem, the school satff have at least done nothing to help and at worst exacerbated it buy their treatment of him! I would be very minded to move him regardless of whether worst bully has gone or not as I wouldn't trust that school to do right by my son, but completely understand why it is not an easy decsion.

Feel for you so much.

There has been a massive turn of events. The bully has made a written statement about what he has said in the course of the year, prompted by form tutor after son made a time line in writing over comments and threats. It changes a lot, and school is trying to reassure us that next year will be different, and they will work with us and the mental health professionals. They seem very apologetic and sincere.

Wow, this is the bully that's still at the school ?

How do you feel ? How does your son feel ?

Yes, the bully that remains.

We are not sure. Senior and form tutor are talking to son today.

Good luck to your DS and you in making that decision. How l

Posted too soon. I was going to ask how long did it take for your DS to tell you something was going on as you would need to know that there was no chance of him suffering in silence should he stay there and there was a further episode. Has he got proper friends there?

Never mind his peers, it sounds like your son has been bullied by the school! I would definitely press ahead with the transfer - they're saying all the right things now, but I think they've shown you how they feel with their actions up to now. Appalling behaviour from them.

I know this is an unpopular opinion, but as a state school teacher who spends every day making sure that my form and pupils are happy and healthy and progressing well I just cannot understand why anyone would PAY for a shoddy service like this!!!

Not impressed with the way the school has behaved, but in the end I would base your decision on what your DS wants to do.
If he can stay at his school and thrive, this will be a huge boost for him. .

knitknack -i absolutely agree!!!

why would you pay to send your child to a place where he is treated like this??

This is the school that excluded your son from sports day and left him out of the typing results?

And you have a good prospective school lined up?

Just leave! And he can go with his head held high, and take the bully's statement as his vindication. He's not running away - he's choosing to go somewhere better.