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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

State schools vs private dilemma

8 replies

frankiebabe · 26/04/2014 12:55

Hi I feel at my wits end we moved ds 2 from his local state school as felt he wasn't being pushed enough and was getting into trouble albeit on a low scale and the sport was poor to a private school and I really not sure if made right decision, apart from costing loads, my other two boys are still at state schools, I was hoping his challenging behaviour might improve but apart from a better sports timetable and doing slightly better academically he is still extremely difficult and rude , the school don't seem that focused on helping him improve so wonder if I should have left him where he is and save the money!! Maybe I expecting too much as a laying customer so to speak, would really welcome some advice with this

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MumTryingHerBest · 26/04/2014 13:13

Given how over subscribed many secondary schools are, are you likely to be able to move him back? In the area I live, you would be highly unlikely to get an in-term place at any good secondary. If this is the case you may have no option but to work with the school he is in to focus on this issue or move him to another private school (which could give exactly the same result as you have now).

I think you should also remember the original reasons you had for moving your DS. Moving him back to that school is not going to resolve those issues if they could not be resolved the first time round.

lionheart · 26/04/2014 16:56

How long has he been at the new school?

jonicomelately · 26/04/2014 16:58

No school, whether state or private can magically be expected to improve a pupil's behaviour instantly. Why is he behaving so badly?

Lonecatwithkitten · 26/04/2014 18:43

What are you doing about the behaviour at home? Have you spoken to school about the behaviour so that you can work together?

UnderthePalms · 26/04/2014 22:04

Do you mean he is difficult and rude at school or home or both?

mummytime · 27/04/2014 05:38

Why is he badly behaved, in what ways? Does he have an SN? Is it normal teenage behaviour? Are the school complaining, what do they say?

Banter · 27/04/2014 08:20

Moving him to a third school doesn't seem like a good idea to me. Changing schools is disruptive and there is no guarantee that the situation would improve. Thi sounds to me like an attitude issue or, as mummytime suggested, possibly SEN.

Firstly, I'd talk to DS2 to find out what he likes and dislikes about his new school AND, now that he has something to compare it against, what he liked and disliked about his original school. Even though it is obviously a consideration, be really clear that the money aspect is not what is driving your decision, but that you love him and want him to be in a school in which he can be happy and can thrive. If you pitch the conversation well, you should be able to get across to him that you are looking for a change. Whichever school he prefers, talking about this in the context of a possible school change might be the shot across his bows that he needs. It could be that he is miserable because he actually prefers his original school. If so, he may find it easier to cope, and give him an incentive to keep his nose clean where he is whilst he waits.

Secondly, if sport is very important to him, I'd try to take that out of the equation by finding a club (or two!) in which he can excel in a team with other local children. Our son loved rugby and enjoyed swimming, and both of his clubs had an equal mix of members from state and private schools.

Have you burned your bridges with the original school? If you wanted to move DS2 back, presumably DS1/DD1 is still there, so you would have sibling priority on the waiting list. Could you sound out his old head of year about the possibility of a return, and how DS2 could be helped to settle back in, given he would be coming back with a different attitude having seen that the grass wasn't greener? If the disruption had been tied to particular individuals, perhaps he could be put in another form or house?

frankiebabe · 05/05/2014 17:47

Thanks so much for all your comments I think I have panicked a bit as someone said there were reasons we took him out in the first place!! Think his behaviour is borderline SN so did think of speaking to my GP, he does seem to quite like this school just finds it hard to behave all the time!!

Thanks again all frankie x

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