Yr 7 - Why are girls so horrid :(

[phoebeflangey]

DD is in yr 7 and until recently had a lovely group of friends that she had made at the school. Unfortunately, one of the girls has started being really unkind and basically stirring things up between everyone. She has spread rumours about my dd saying that she has been mean and nasty, and just seems to be out for an argument. Have advised dd to ignore her, and luckily the other members of the group ae supporting dd as they have seen what the other girl is doing. Its now resorted to unkind texts and getting her new friends to send instagram messages, texts and any other way they can find to just keep on at dd. How do I help her, without making too much of a deal of it? The last straw this am was on the way to school dd had a text to say "shes my mate, so shut your mouth and leave her alone" dd asked the original girl to leave her alone and has ignored all communications since yesterday tea time (another 6 messages have come through since then)

I went to an all girls school and never saw this type of behaviour. Girls falling out with each other, yes, but such an aggressive attitude as described by the OP, never.
I didn't go to school in this country.
Is this something common here? Has it always been this way? Are things changing for the worse in our society?

Sending abusive texts and messages over the internet is actually a criminal offence.

My DD had an issue like this in year 7 . My DH sent the queen bee in question a text back saying it was to stop immediately or he would report it to the school ( private who had an expulsion policy for proven cyber bullying)

DH was called by her very irate father yelling how dare he contact his darling DD. DH sent him the texts and MSN messages saying the school would be the least of his worries as he would be in touch with the police if it continued.

It stopped immediately.

I think waiting till after the holidays are over is a mistake. The school should have dealt with the situation straight away and the girl who screamed in your DDS face should have been reprimanded on the day.

mumslife, please see the school. I know your DS doesn't want you to, but please, for his sake, speak to the school and put a stop to it.

honestly, all the years I've taught most children - the overwhelming majority - do not like bullies, understand and support children who tell, and know bullying is wrong. No-one can say there will not be an attempt at come-back from the bullies, so you and the school will need to continue to be vigilant. But if the school have an effective, immediate and clear way of dealing with this, including exclusion, parental interview etc. it should be possible to stop this now.

Purple the problem with dealing with it on the day was that all children had left when I was able to see the teacher, plus without being outed, timing to contact the original girls mum, which the teacher was going to do, was not good, so we said we would review it after Easter.
DD hasn't heard from the girl since Friday, BUT I am not happy with "you'll have me to answer to" girl getting off scot free. I will be emailling the teacher to tell her this before they return. Bet she's thinking she's got away with it now (which of course was your point. Purple )

mumslife please please tell the school, your son knows that he should report it, you'll feel better for doing so, believe me x :)

Phoebe let me reassure you that most parents would be horrified at what thier child has done. My daughter was involved in an incident although indirectly. She had knowledge but did not participate. This in itself to me is inexcusable. So yes we did give her the full ten degrees.
Most normal parents will be sympathetic and will deal with it.

Boys can be just as horrible. My son doesn't want to go to the end of year dance (he's in top year at mixed prep) because he says they are so horrible to him. I have to admit that he is very different to them, and I have been in on several occasions, and feel there is not much left that I can do. However, I'll be going in and mentioning this at the start of term and asking what is going on. For sure.

This was just to tell you that boys are horrible too.

Hi:

Just visiting (both DDs still in primary, but DD1 will start Y7 in Sept).

The advantage of cyber bullying vs. verbal bullying is that you have a 'paper trail'.

My advice is arrange to forward any threatening/ abusive texts to the school in all cases.

These problems rarely just go away (as others have advised above).

With verbal abuse - in school or outside the first issue is are there any witnesses.

It's probably advisable to encourage your DD to think defensive (not walk home on her own/ avoid being on her own in girls toilets/ etc...).

I know that it can be very frightening to turn someone in/ tell on someone - but the point is that when they move on from you they'll only pick on someone else, and may be even worse as there were no repercussions with you. Bullies also aren't stupid - if they know you'll report even the smallest incident and get them in trouble, they'll steer clear.

In the meantime you should explore your child's internet/ mobile phone safety. She can block telephone numbers and 'unfriend' or indeed lock content - instagram help has tips here: dragon.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t39.2365-6/851591_741973925829904_962165958_n.pdf.

I think one of the things you may need to consider is things like instagram are technically meant for age 13+ - 11/12 is a bit young - I understand the pressure to be on it too, like friends - but it clearly is being abused.

Finally - you can report abusive messages to instagram as well....help.instagram.com/165828726894770/

HTH

One child who was sending bullying messages at my DDs school,to DD and others, was the child of the former Head. What action do you think was taken? You are probably thinking not very much, and you are correct. Some children, it seems, are above punishment.