Wycombe Abbey vs co-ed boarding

[Laxmama]

DH and I visited Wycombe Abbey with dd1 recently; dd adored it. She is 9, this is the first senior school she has seen and I could tell that, as we were shown around the junior boarding house, she was already picturing herself padding around in her slippers in that cosy, all-girls-together environment.

I too think that dd (in her current skin) could be very happy there - as far as I can tell she is academic, well rounded and confident enough to benefit from all that the school has to offer and I'm sure she would thrive - but for 7 years?

I could not fault the running of the school or the passion of those of the senior teaching staff whom we met but, for all the positives I hear about single sex education - fewer distractions and boosted self confidence resulting in better grades - I can't help but wonder if single sex, full boarding is a step too far? I came away from the school excited by academic zing and we-can-be-anything-we-want-to-be spirit of the girls but spending just an afternoon there left me feeling a little claustrophobic on DD's behalf at the idea of her spending 7 years there, in the same all-girl peer group...

An upper 5th girl mentioned that 20 girls will be leaving for co-ed 6th form. I'm sure there are myriad reasons for this (and the figure may not be correct) but, at face value, it doesn't appear to testify to a positive educational experience.

I boarded but have no experience of single sex education and would be very happy to have my prejudices quashed. Are there any current Wycombe parents out there who might share their DDs' experiences of the school? Why did you choose it over co-ed boarding? Are there any parents who specifically chose co-ed boarding over Wycombe Abbey (or any all-girls' boarding school) and regret it?

I know that we'll have to go with whatever we & DD feel most comfortable with; just interested to hear any experiences of parents who've been here and made this decision.

Why don't you go and look at other academic girls boarding schools such as Cheltenham Ladies College that are located in a town? They do not suffer the post GCSE exodus as far as I'm aware, in fact they take more girls in for 6th form and the 6th formers are in their own houses with their own rooms - a sort of stepping stone to university. I think being on a campus in the middle of nowhere for 7years is the reason some girls leave for a new experience at 6th form. The other option is to keep her at prep school until 13. We have girls move to our prep for yrs7/8 before going to secondary and doing 5yrs in one place (like the boys). Many girls schools are now set up for a 12+ and 13+ entry to reflect this...also a huge saving financially....!!

Dog, you do realise that Wycombe Abbey is in High Wycombe? a large town?
the relative proportion of 20 pupils moving (& I'd check that number with staff who actually know) at 6th form isn't substantial I don't think and I think it's a leap to suggest it means that it doesn't testify to a positive educational experience. YOu will be extremely hard pressed to find a more positive educational experience for girls w'wide. Firmly believe that. It's more suggestive of not testifying to a positive social experience; what is it you're looking to achieve in a school? is that more important to you than the academic experience?
Finally, do you know about the mixed academic and social activities that WA offers? lots of pure social / dancing events with boys schools and an increasing number of debating / musical / academic activities.

If I could have my teenage years over again (single sex boarding) I would make sure before I started to establish one or two strong hobbies / interests that I could continue during every holiday and short break. Something like sailing or a youth orchestra or drama - something with boys. So they didn't become an alien species - and I could ignore the boy-frenzy that you can sometimes get at all girls schools.

But I wouldn't change anything else. Who wants to spend half an hour on make up before going into school?

If you can make sure she meets lots of boys (in all contexts) outside school there really shouldn't be a problem. Remember she will only ever be at school for a handful of weeks at a time - she'll spend months and months at home doing interesting things with lots of different people.

I don't think you need struggle to have a clear idea of what she'll want at 16. Plenty of time to discover that - and she'll have a world of choice at her feet by then.

Good point re Cheltenham, dog1 - we haven't actually visited any other girls' boarding schools at this stage. I realise now that I have always, sub-consciously, assumed that DD would want co-ed boarding. Her adamance about girls only took me by surprise. Wycombe Abbey, I chose simply because of its excellent reputation amongst girls' schools. We had discounted others for various reasons but hadn't considered Cheltenham because, having grown up close by, I had my homegrown prejudices about it (all of which I now admit are entirely irrational). I clearly need to give all of my preconceptions about girls' schools, specifically and in general, a good shake out!

We are already looking at a couple of prep schools that will take DD until 13 - girls leave her current school at 11 - in order to leave all her options open.

springbreak, for me, educational experience means educational in the wider sense of the word, social and academic. I think that this is the root of my concern. I have no doubt about the academic excellence of WA but am concerned that DD's A stars could come at the expense of a very narrow social education. I'd be taking more of a punt on dd reaching her full academic potential I think at a co-ed...hence my cry for wise words of experience... Good point about the social mixers laid on with boys' schools - I'd heard about them in theory but failed to ask the girls about those. You're right I think I need to delve deeper on my next visit.

I'm sure there'll be no shortage of boys (DD has an older brother and is currently at a co-ed prep) during the holidays and zero, thanks for the very valuable tip on avoiding boy-frenzy! Hope you're now over it

John Hampden all boys grammar school is but a stones throw away!

did they give you a copy of the Dove? that usually has pictures / details of various dances / dinners / socials with Eton, Harrow Radley, RGS etc. Something takes place pretty much weekly. Sometimes plays / choral events with one of the boys' schools too.
John Hampden and the RGS are two of the schools that the more academic (science competitions / debates etc) mixed events happen with.

You could also look at Sherborne? Might not be same academic league as WA but send girls to Oxbridge so the potential is there. Sherborne Boys next door and some joint activities (music, drama, socials I think). Friend turned down Other "more academic" options to send DD there for that reason and she is flourishing. Sherborne lovely too!!

Springbreak - I stand corrected about High Wycombe and the location. Apologies. However, friends with DD at WA never mention that the girls go into the town, rather they hang out on the school campus using the facilities. CLC is split up over a small area of the town - girls walk to their boarding houses and to the sports fields, so that was the difference I was trying to get across (rather badly!). Agree WA is one of a handful of exceptionally good all girls schools in the country.

could i ask - Who would you put in the 'handful of exceptionally good all girls schools in the country'? thanks realise that this is just your view but would be helpful to know - thanks

true, Dog - there are quite restrictive rules on who can leave the school & when depending on their age; however on a given Saturday the local Wagamama is generally quite busy with WA girls! there are also a couple of cinemas locally they can go to as well as trips to somewhat nicer places like Marlow. It's also relatively restrictive because there are so many weekend activities running that most girls will have some form of sport / play practice etc etc over the weekend

Thanks, 1dog - I've just GoodSchoolsGuided Sherborne Girls and looked at the website; it looks a wonderfully rounded girls' school and one that we could consider now or add to the mix for 13+ entry if we decide to go down that route.

Yes, springbreak - we have a copy of the Dove: a very impressive publication that definitely attests to the healthy involvement of boys. On reflection, I think, it is less the actual access to boys and the outside world that I am worried about and more the intensity of an all-female environment, an all-ALPHA-female environment - something that I have never encountered (I don't even have sisters) and so find difficult to understand. Again, something for me to come to terms with.

I think the all girl atmosphere is very healthy and empowering. Doing D of E over holidays and having a brother would balance things out. Disclosure: I went to an all girls school full of alphas, and benefitted much by it.
I know women who attended coed boarding schools, and they spent all their time thinking of boys.

Ah... (I don't have brothers) Two things:

Firstly, I'd say that, absent the boy issue, it's wonderful being in an all girl environment for learning purposes - particularly if all sorts of talents are valued and encouraged (I loved Anthony Little emphasising "valuing difference" in the CBBC programme...)

Secondly, my reason for stipulating out-of-school activity is that all the debates and dances in conjunction with local boys' schools are themselves the focus of the madness. If she's lucky enough to have male friends away from school then it should be easier to take all the other stuff in her stride.

I'm all for single sex education, went to one too! Not just they can concentrate on the academic side of things and don't have to put up emotional pressure. Both my two went to single sex boarding school from a co-ed international school. My son was pressured to claim a girlfriend from age 11. I think it was silly, but that what that school was like.

Anyway, DD went to Wycombe Abbey, loved it, had a wonderful time, she did exceptionally well and same as most of her friends, and she is now in her 5th year in Medical School. WA is very academic, and for the right girls they will thrive. She has a big friendship group and they all keep it touch. They had socials with RGS, Eton, Harrow etc, and do have access to the outside world. My DD did community services with the local hospital. They also can go into town to shop, or cinema during weekend, but they are normally too busy with all the sport or other activities.

Girls move on in sixth form could be either they did not get all the necessary results to stay or decided to try out the co-ed, Westminster is one of the popular one to move to, or may be financial reason.

I think the all-alpha-female environment had helped my DD to gain a lot of confident in herself, especially in the all so male dominant work industry.

I think in both coed and girls only schools it is a bit the luck of the draw what types of pressures a particular peer group brings. Girls' schools perhaps need to guard more against the introspective intensity and loss of perspective engendered by certain girl cliques and manipulative personalities, particularly when in a boarding environment
I think coed is good in younger years for that normality of boys and girls growing up together but perhaps 13 to 16 is the best time for single sex education.
TBH I would try and choose the best school whether coed or single sex and that would include trying to find out whether the children there can relax with their peers or have more than the average teenage angst about fitting in and issues with the opposite sex.

Both my DDs went to all girls boarding schools and they certainly are socially well adjusted! Just because they were at school with girls it absolutely does not mean they did not socialise with boys! They met up at parties, at friends' houses and in the holidays. There is such a thing as a life outside school!

I moved from all girls boarding to coed for sixth form. Wasn't really to do with the boys, more just a feeling that I had outgrown my school and fancied a new challenge! So unless the sixth form of a school is dramatically smaller, I wouldn't worry about movement for sixth form from girls schools. I know I would have had a wonderful time if I had stayed. A school that suits at 11 or 13 won't necessarily suit at 16. I think it's important to reevaluate education choices, rather than thinking jobs done all the way to 18!

Boy madness will always strike some girls more than others. Getting involved in drama and other opportunities beyond socials are really great for building great friendships with boys. so is keep

Posted too soon!

Keeping up male friendships from prep is also good. Boys heading to all boys schools will be facing the same issue too!

Finally just wanted to say not to rule out coed. For a 9 year old, I suspect any cosy senior school girls boarding house will look desirable at a coed or single sex.

I think the only thing you can do is try and see both girls's schools and co-ed schools with an open mind and it is worth the slog of going to see quite a few. There are pros and cons to each but you will certainly both have a better idea at the end of the process about which schools you think will be a good fit and which wouldn't. Without wanting to be inscrutable I think you might well find that although girls' or co-ed is a defining feature of a particular school it is only one element of whether you think it is the right school.

My dd is at WAS. It's an exceptional school. Given the loooong holidays no danger of being too out of touch! Joking aside both my DS and DD are thriving in single sex schools. Re leavers before sixth form, lots of girls look around, mainly at London day schools, most end up staying in the end, but quite like trying the various entrance tests. Some leave for academic reasons, others maybe want day schools and some co-ed, also financially it's a drain compared to day school fees. Huge demand from outside to get into sixth form as careers advice etc UCAS/USA admissions is excellent and they get to live like uni students in Clarence. So not a problem. My DD says she wants to stay right through so we will remain skint.

Honestyisbest you say there is huge demand for the WA sixth form but I've heard that for the most recent entrants all were from overseas. Of course that may reflect that none of the british girls applying were sufficiently academically able. However it might suggest that the WA sixth form is n't a popular choice for bright British girls compared to other co-ed boarding or day alternatives.

The overseas girls prepare for a long time for their applications to uk sixth forms and choose carefully with regard to uk/USA uni application preparation. They are phenomenal. Our DD and we chose WAS because we love that it's an international mix.
It's quite a tough call to move school at sixth form for uk pupils, let alone into boarding.
Sorry OP think this has gone off track. Good luck with your choice.

Actually Honesty this is not off track for the OP as she is questioning staying 7 years in the same all girl environment.
I have no doubt that the overseas applicants who get in are impressive and that an international mix is a positive. However there are many UK girls who consider and do move at sixth form. That includes those who seek boarding as a new environment (and whose parents can pay for it). The fact that there was no UK intake (at least last year) means that either they are outperformed by the sixth form overseas applicants to WA or they prefer co ed including Westminster or I suppose perhaps a different girls' sixth form.

Apologies for the radio silence - just hadn't found a moment with brain, fingers & thumbs free to respond before now.

Thank you all for your feedback; I'm hugely grateful for ALL of your responses which have been sound and helpful without exception. I'll certainly be giving more open-minded consideration and more equal weighting to WA and other girls' schools when looking at future schools for dd on the back of your positive experiences. So true that the best thing that I can do is put the single-sex issue aside and take each individual school on its own merits. Thank you MN!

This is exactly why we encourage the girls at prep school to stay on until 13 rather than leave at 11. Is that a possibility? We find that girls who go onto secondary school at 11 are much more likely to leave for 6th form, so that aspect doesn't surprise me at all. It also gives you longer to discover what you really want.