Deciding secondary - go with dd preference or ours ?

[6860]

Dd has been given a place at our local (outstanding) comprehensive where all her friends are going. She also has a place at a lovely local (small, nurturing etc) independent and is on the waiting list for a very established independent slightly further from home. None of her mates going to the indies.

She wants to go to the comp and the transition would undoubtedly be much easier for her if she went there. She's academic, works hard most of the time, is a bit backward in coming forward and often flies under the radar at her state primary.

DP and I are leaning toward for the independent option . Although it would be hard for us financially with two dds, feel it would bring her out of herself more and raise her game on the sporting, confidence etc front.

Current conversations are going around in circles and discussions with dd not fruitful last night. Obvs we have talked this through before but not with known state options on the table.....need to decide today (have to say yes or no to the local independent school by tomorrow).

Do we let a 10 year old decide this?

Help.

Our DS was offered places at two independent schools and we went with his preference (we didn't feel strongly enough about it at the time). It announced plans to become an academy the day before term started (and is now an academy and therefore no fees), there has been massive upheaval amongst staff and pupils and we often wish we'd bailed out and gone for the other option. But guess what, DS is happy, thriving, fully involved in school life and on course for A and A* at GCSE. AND he has a 90 minute commute both ways. He has to go to school, not us and the same is true for your DD.

Although you definitely need to ultimately decide - obviously DD's views should be considered too - but a 10 year old is too young to decide her future. She wants the local school as that's presumably where all her friends are going. But it's highly likely the friendship groups will change at secondary - even if they all go there together. Indie schools are great for improving confidence - DD used to be so shy and retiring - she now confidently holds her own with anyone. That might just be growing up - or it might be the help the school have given her - making them do power point presentations in front of the class etc etc.

trader I don't think you can say that one type of school or another increases confidence - for my DD it was going to secondary school period that gave her confidence. At last she was allowed to be herself - a bit eccentric, very academic, interested in competitive sport, not interested in boyfriends - because there were about 8 girls in her year group just like her and they all bonded. And they have all blossomed too. It's horses for courses, and given the OP's financial situation the indie option just feels a bit risky.

Thanks so much everyone. I have really appreciated all the responses and they have helped a lot. We've decided to say no to the local indie and see what happens with the other one but, on balance, will most likely be going to the local comp. Because so many people around here go private at secondary it's easy to overlook the fact that we have several outstanding comps on our doorstep that provide a great education. We'll never know whether she'd have been better off elsewhere, but at least we can enjoy family holidays and extras and know that she's in a good school that she really wants to go to.

fwiw I think you have made the right choice. You can always change if it turns out not to work. I hope your DD will be very happy at her new school.

Just to add, if she struggles, you always have the option of using some of the funds for private tutors.

Good decision. Happy children learn much faster.

If she s happy her confidence will grow. If the house hold has to chase every penny to put up with school fees how will it help her confidence. Unless the independent school provides something very special that the comp cannot compete with. My dc is very shy too but she still want to go to her own chosen comp despite no friends going with her. To feel that they are able and be respected to make such big decision for the first time it is a very grow up experience in itself.

I think you made a good decision, and you didn't make it lightly

Hope your dd will be very happy! And fwiw, I think some 10 year olds do have good instincts about what they need - not old enough to make entire decision, obviously, but listening to them is so important. And a big part of growing their self-confidence.

Your DD's happiness is key. My DD's friend was offered a music scholarship to a very good local independent and lasted only until October in Year 7. Is now at our good comp, is top banana in the Music Dept and very happy.