ds classmate is not a good influence....what to do???

[caringdad66]

My year 6son has just found out which secondary school he will be going to this September.We go our
first choice school,and feel really lucky.
However there is just one problem.One of my sons classmates is going to the same secondary,and when him and my son are together their behaviour is poor.
I have thought about writing to the new school and asking that they be placed in different form classes.Is this a good idea ?
I can't stop them going to the same school,or mixing at lunchtime,nor would I really want to,but just think both boys would benefit by not being together for lessons.
When it comes to maths and English sets,they will be apart anyway because one is much more academic than the other.
Would appreciate some thoughts,thanks.

I'd say you need to work on your DS. He can only be influenced if he follows the lead of his friend.

I say that, because DD3 who is 4.11 has been behaving less well since becoming friends with a particular girl at school. In my view, I need to work on her. The other girl is irrelevant to my DD's behaviour, because she has choices and she's choosing to do things that aren't good rather than listen to her teachers.

A bad influence can only be influential if someone allows themselves to be influenced.

Problem is they seem to have lots of fun together,and enjoy each other's company.
I firmly believe they need to be separated in lessons though.
Am I being reasonable in writing to new head teacher to express my concerns?

Yes, I think under the circumstances it's better to take action on this one although obviously you don't want to spoil a good friendship! You could either ask for them to be put in separate classes or alternatively, explain the situation and ask for the teachers not to seat them together or to put them in the same work groups. One thing to remember is that in year 7 they make lots of new friends anyway and this situation might disappear over time. Best of luck!

Thank you for your thoughts and best wishes

You can definitely make requests about him being in different forms; won't stop them sharing sets or other subjects, but you're doing what you can.

Don't write to the head, the head of Y7 is the person who will be interested in this sort of stuff. It would be entirely reasonable to suggest they are separated, the school won't want a bad behaviour mix in their classes.

When my DD started secondary school we had an introductory meeting with a school member of staff and they asked questions about her friendship groups. This would be an ideal time for you to discuss your concerns. The odds are he could be separated from this boy, my DD sees very little of her primary school friends as they are all in different form groups and sets. The transition to high school was quite a lengthy process with several parent information sessions which provided the opportunity to meet her teachers and raise any issues. My DD also attended for a week in July. I'm sure your school will have similar arrangements in place and this boy will not be a problem, even the closest of friends tend to drift apart in year seven.

There will probably be a meeting in the summer term for you to meet her form teacher. Bring it up then.

There are lots of transition events in june and july.
I think childten will of already of been allocated forms before then,so i need to act quickly.

Head of year 7, not head, as others have said. Don't worry, they make new friends.

I would say don't write in. Going up to secondary school results in a complete shift in friendship groups, as the choice in the pool is much bigger. You'll probably find your son no longer hangs out with this boy after the first few weeks. And perhaps they will provide much needed comfort for one another during those awkward first few weeks at secondary.

I told ds2s head of year 7 that I didnt want him anywhere near 2 dcs from his primary. The primary "doesnt have a bullying problem" but ds2 was often punched and kicked by these boys.

The secondary school listened to our concerns and seperated them all. Ds2 is like a different child this year and I am really pleased that I had the conversation.

I would say go for it.

Litttledrummer - being physically abused by other pupils is entirely different to the circumstances raised in the OP

Speak to the head of Y7. I had a similar situation last year when my DS was about to go up to secondary school which I posted about on here. Better to do it sooner rather than later as it is more awkward and obvious if there is movement in the form class placements after they have been announced.

The issue for my DS was not so much being led astray by friend X but that X was very clingy and DS had been looking forward to getting away from him a bit more in high school. My DS was initially placed in the same form class as X and was a bit shocked when we told him it had been arranged for him to move forms (this was before the start of term) as he didn't know what to say to X and other friends but he now says he is very glad that the form class move happened.

I'd talk to the year 7 leader too.

Have written to school and politely requested they be placed in different form groups....school were very understanding and said they get this request a lot.