Parents Evenings - better to have child with you or not?

[soontobeslendergirl]

We've always taken our children with us into parents night - primary and so far in High School - there seems to be the majority of parents that don't, but a decent sized minority who do.

So, does anyone know if you get a different message if they aren't with you?

And for those who have tried both, which do you prefer?

And also, what's the preference from a teachers pov (if you are a teacher obv.)?

I teach secondary English.

It's definitely the norm here for the child to attend. I can't see much point in having the meeting without them, tbh. It should be a three-way conversation.

That's what we have always thought raven, but I see so many parents without their child with them that I thought maybe teachers were more honest when they don't have to look at the child. We've always had good news so wondered if that was the reason! :o

If you search there's a recent thread on this, but I can't remember the title.

Normally here, DCs come with you to senior school and stay in the corridor (with gran) at primary.

I've done one senior school one (DD2 Y7) on my own as DH couldn't make it and she refused to miss gymnastics. Since she was on the role of honour for reaching all her targets she didn't really need to be. It was just a series of quick hi's.

This year I want her to come in the vain hope that just one teacher suggests she talks less and works more (she is getting a bit bolshy).

DD1 always comes as she's my quirky dyslexic and we generally have things to talk about. Used to be making sure every teacher has got she's dyslexic and finds social a pain.
Now specific GCSE things only she really understands.

I preferred to just see the parents. I saw the kids everyday, so they knew what I thought of their progress and so on. If I wanted a three-way conversation I used to ask the parents to come in at other times. "Parents Evening" is for parents.

It was about half and half with and without their children though.

DS school has required DCs to be at parents evenings since yr 6. All about getting them to take responsibility for their own progress. DD has also been expected to take a full part since yr 7. At parents evenings don't think I have seen any parents seeing teachers without their DCs.

I've been to both, one where children were expected, and one where children were expressly asked not to attend.

Both have their merits... On occasions it was better to talk candidly about worries concerns and agree actions when the child was not there. However in the majority of cases, it would have been useful for the children to get the feedback and praise correctly.

Our school expect the child to be there. It is great to hear the praise - they do hand that out - but they are also helpfully honest and clear about how to make improvements and behaviour.

I've been to both and prefer DD with us (and didn't think I would). The teachers asked her what she thought about the lessons etc. I think it's better because the comments don't get lost later and were taken on board more (she can sometimes tune out when it's just us talking).

Secondary, I prefer the child to be there - indeed, would be lost without them, as you need the child to deliver you to all the right teachers.
Primary, I prefer without, both as a teacher and a parent.

Better to go without them in year seven, they do not need to hear any negatives at that stage and you need to find out how they are settling in. Better to go with them in year nine when they need to be taking charge of their own learning and getting a kick before they start exam years. Year eight it depends - cocky ones go in to school with you, conscientious ones can stay at home. IME!

I prefer to take them as they can point out their teachers and you don't have to explain who you are (appointments are never to time and in order).

Should have added - secondary.
At primary, children don't go into room but can wait in corridor.

much better for secondary

I prefer to have the children there (secondary teacher) It's useful to get their viewpoint, and also, if there are negative things to say, particularly in KS4, then it's important to know that the student gets the same message as the parents.

My own kids are primary, and they wait outside. It's a conversation for the grown ups but at secondary, they are generally mature enough to be in on it.

Having said that, as a child, I never went with my parents, and used to hate waiting at home for them to come back, dreading what the teachers were saying.

I definitely wanted ds to be there when his teachers told me he has to pull his socks up. His teachers seemed to have the same idea.

And now that he has pulled his socks off it is lovely to have him there to hear his teachers say so.

When I had to talk about something really bad, I just asked if he could step outside for a minute.

yes, I agree there Cory

Thanks for all the input - it seems there is a right mix, which is what I have experienced. It's just that having taken them into every parents night and they are now in the Scottish equivalent of year 8 & 9 and we have never had anything that hasn't been positive. A couple of comments about "handwriting could be neater", but otherwise comments such as "pleasure to teach" "progressing brilliantly" etc etc, soooooo I guess I just wondered if we were getting the good stuff since they were there and we might get a different report if we went alone. I thought an advantage of taking them with you at High school was so that the teacher could be clear on who it was they were reporting about and not get them muddled up! :o

Mine used to come to show us rooms and where teachers were etc, but didn't join the conversation. They were expected to wait outside with their mates, sometimes help to show parents around etc.

As a teacher, although I am primary, I far prefer it when the children come to parents' evening with parents. The children should be aware of what will be discussed I think as teachers should be sharing this ongoing with children, so they should be part of the conversation with parents. It saves surprises when you know you have spoken to a child about something but the parent is very surprised and says the child says the exact opposite!

If there was a concern which I felt warranted speaking to a parent without the child there, I would have asked to speak to you before a parents' evening.

No way would I have wanted DD2 in primary parents evenings, she already has a head the size of a planet from the report that said she was "impeccably behaved and a pleasure to teach"

her some of her secondary teachers wouldn't say that. She's somewhat grown out of the angle at school stage.

Dd was there for her year 7 one as it was combined with a dance display. It was useful for dd to hear thecfeedback. However one teacher sent all the children away.

She then asked us if DDS form tutor had spoken to us about something. She hadn't so we went back to the firm tutor who said she hadn't wanted to say it in front of dd but she was displaying asd traits.

So pros & cons.