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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Moving DS to a secondary school where he knows no one??

22 replies

Cherry34 · 29/12/2013 20:03

Sorry long post, as trying to give you plenty of information, please feel free to ask me more.

My DS is a very popular child. He is charming, caring, hardworking, sporty and a good child. He has lots of friends both boys and girls at lower school school. He is liked by everyone, children, teachers and parents . I am having to chose which school I would like to send him to next. 95% of his peers will leave to go to school A, (the other 5% go to private schools). School A is a very good school (his older brother goes there.) it a much smaller school than school B. I would happily send him there but I think school B is better academically and would offer him many more opportunity in sport (which he loves), but it much further away and I would have to drive him there.

My friends think I am crazy to have my children at different schools. I think school B suits DS better but am worried that I am moving him from all his friends, all the local children go to school A (we live in a village). Also as a very popular child I worry about taking this from him too, though I think he will make friends quite easily. I am aware if I send him to school A this positive relationship he has with others is already set up. I do want him to be happy, but also want to give him great opportunities.

What would you do??

Also DS2 say he prefers school B but wants to be with his friends.

OP posts:

TalkinPeace · 29/12/2013 20:12

lots of kids move schools away from friends - parents work, family changes, all sorts
they cope

Original poster

Cherry34 · 29/12/2013 20:24

Thank you for your quick reply.

I agree, but I am surround by friends (village based and all their children go/are going to school A). That don't agree therefore I am on MN trying to get an unbiased opinion.

OP posts:

TalkinPeace · 29/12/2013 20:28

round here around 95% of kids go to the comp from the feeder primaries and the private primaries
the others go to the private schools or the grammar in the next county
they all still meet up at the gym / shopping centre / coffee shop / county youth orchestra
there is a bit of ribbing
but you have to do what is right for your kid
and be willing to review the decision on an annual basis just in case

Original poster

Cherry34 · 29/12/2013 20:32

Thank you. I think that is what I need to hear. I am trying to do what is right for my boy.

OP posts:

Smartbutdopey · 29/12/2013 22:18

Cherry34 my advice would be never to choose a school on the basis that his friends are going there. All children will make new friends and so will your son. I think the more important factor you may be overlooking somewhat is that you will have to drive him there...? Is that a realistic long term viable plan?

rabbitstew · 29/12/2013 22:41

I don't think closeness to home and friends are irrelevant reasons for choosing a school.

How far away is the other school? Is it really that far, or just comparatively distant? Will it cause problems with after school activities, if he is reliant on lifts from you or public transport that stops running early? Will it cause problems in bad weather? Is there anything he does closer to home that he will no longer be able to get home in time for? What is the catchment like for the other school - will he be one of many coming in from a long way away, or a bit of an oddity? Is the other school so incredibly much better that the obvious sacrifices will be worth it? I certainly didn't think much of commuting long distances for work as an adult - the gains really do have to be worth it, and the greater the distance, the more "worth it" it would have to be!!!

Original poster

Cherry34 · 29/12/2013 23:19

I car share to school A which is 10 minutes away, school is 20 minutes away. So no real problem regarding a long commute! School B also offers free before and after school clubs, including homework club where parent can pick them up at anytime until 5.30

Apparently they have quite a lot of 'out of catchment children' and the school offers an extra day for these children, so they have a opportunity to bond.

I do think school B is much better (otherwise the choice would easy). If anyone he knows was going there! I would not even be second guessing it. He would be going.

Also long term with the free before and after school clubs, I would be able to look for another job!

He is quite active within the local community plays cricket, rugby and goes to cubs. So hopefully his relationships here will stay, as the chances are they will all go to the same upper school (we live in a 3 tier system).

Thank you for responding Rabbitstew and Smartbutdopey, by answering your questions it is really helping me.

OP posts:

Ericaequites · 30/12/2013 22:01

It's better and much easier if siblings attend the same school. Choosing a school for sport is nonsense. Most people never play sports again after leaving secondary school.

TalkinPeace · 30/12/2013 22:25

I went to a different school from my brothers and one of my sisters went to a different one again

Choosing a school for sport is nonsense. Most people never play sports again after leaving secondary school
no, but those who are in to sport most certainly do : ther are more sports channels on the telly than geography channels

ContentedSidewinder · 31/12/2013 22:44

I went to a catholic school, it was 4 miles away and everyone I played with from my street etc was from another school. To see my best mate from school I walked over a mile to her house and we met up with friends in her street who also went to a completely different school.

My own son is in year 6 and his outstanding primary school is a feeder school for an average secondary. Our closest school (we moved area several years ago to get a bigger house) is an outstanding secondary, and we have put that as our first choice for him.

We spent a good hour with the year 7 transition teacher, he explained that not only do they have transition days where the whole new school year comes to the secondary in July and meet their teacher plus their new class, but they have transition days over the summer too.

He also told us that in September even though children request and are put in the same class as their mates from primary, they deliberately have days where they separate them into new "teams" to force new friendships.

Does the school you want do something similar?

BeckAndCall · 01/01/2014 08:15

The only advice I would offer on this is that you should not listen to your friends who are making a different decision - in part, people often try to justify their own decision by criticising yours.

There is a huge amount of "why isn't it good enough for your child when it's good enough for mine?" in conversations about school choices. This happens especially in moving to a private school but I imagine will also happen when you buck the trend of your whole village by thinking differently. You develop a thick skin in such conversations, believe me.

Sunnymeg · 01/01/2014 09:16

We chose to send DS to a secondary school that none of his classmates went to. We live in a rural area and had a real choice between the two nearest towns. When we visited, it was obvious that school A would suit DS much rather than Schools B,C and D. It also felt like a better fit for us as parents.

Once DS was allocated a place, he was invited to a number of activity afternoons where he had a chance to meet children who would later be in his form. These were in addition to the full induction day. He started in September, and has made quite a few friends. He still meets up with his friends from primary once in a while and benefits from both friendship groups.

If you can make it work and think that both your children will be happy at separate schools, then I would seriously consider it. I must admit I was really nervous before DS started, but I am really glad we chose to do it.

Original poster

Cherry34 · 01/01/2014 11:01

Sidewinder They too offer transition days and an extra one for children outside catchment, in hope to encourage new friendships.

Erica I wouldn't choose the other school purely on its sporting ability, as stated I think it's better academically too.

TalkinPeace Why did your parents send your siblings and you to different schools? Like me are they trying to find the school that suits their child best. Did you like going to a different school from your siblings?

Beckandcall this is exactly what is happening in RL. I am trying hard not to upset people, but because I am choosing different to them they are almost attacking me for my opinion. I am happy I put this thread up (my first). It is confirming that I am doing right by my son rather than be persuaded by others (who have their on interests at heart).

Sunnymeg Thank you for your postive post. I have filled in our form and made our choice. Nervous but I have my fingers crossed that my son fits in well and quickly.

Thank you again ladies.

OP posts:

Evageorge · 02/01/2014 20:52

If your DS has good social skills, send them to the school that you feel is right for them, not the school where all their friends go. A good school will ensure that your son is well socially integrated. The website www.how-to-choose-a-school.org/summary/friendship-groups.html has a good section on this.

Original poster

Cherry34 · 02/01/2014 22:51

Great link' thanks EvaGeorge.

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/01/2014 05:41

You send him to the school that fits him best.
My DD joined her current school in Y8. We had four to choose from that she is in catchment for.
We are fortunate that she is adaptable, and able to ride her bike the two (ish) miles to get there.
She loves it. Go with what suits him best.

eatyourveg · 03/01/2014 16:13

the best fit for the child - always.

Had my 3 dc at 4 different schools at one stage (one was a split placement ss and ms) Sometimes its difficult logistically but imo getting it right (or as close to it as poss) is the best thing you can do for them

ContentedSidewinder · 03/01/2014 21:29

The transition days will be good because there will be familiar faces.

I know what you mean about choosing a different school and everyone seeing that as a criticism of the choice they are making.

Good luck and I hope he gets a place.

soontobeslendergirl · 03/01/2014 23:49

My son went to a different school from his class but for very different reasons. We had bullying issues that we did not want carried into High School but having said that, the school he now goes too is a much better school for him - more academic and less sporty. He is really quiet, but has made new friends, I drive him to and from school every day as public transport is not great. The difficulty we have is that because of his nature, he very rarely sees school friends out of school even though I am happy to drive him to his friends or he could meet them in town. But, i think that is more to do with him being himself rather than it merely being caused by the non local school issue. So that will probably not be a concern for you. He is still in touch with a couple of people from primary who call for him, he never calls for anyone else so he is a lucky boy that they keep in touch with him.

My younger son has now gone to the same High school. He is a bit more outgoing, didn't have the bullying issues but his entire class (apart from his friend who moved away completely) went to the local school. He is doing well at his school, again, it is the best fit school for him, but I think he does feel that he is missing out. The issue really is that he had friends who went to different primaries who he met at other activities (Scouts/swimming etc) now they are all at high school with his old class mates and he now feels a bit sad. We encourage him to keep in touch with his old friends and again are happy to facilitate him going to his new school friends but he doesn't really do that. I suppose time will tell. It does make sense for him to stay at the school he is at in terms of academic achievement but I think at the moment he thinks the grass may be greener....

I know that was a bit of a tale, I'm not sure whether any of that would apply to your son, I just wanted to share my experience so far of taking the same decision you are about to make - I'm not really sure what the right answer is though.

Kenlee · 04/01/2014 01:36

I hope you will pick the right school for your DC...My DD is now in year 7 in the UK boarding and has made a lot of friends and one or two close friends. We picked the school because it was right for her...not because any of her primary school friends attended...

She comes is back every term break so will meet up with her close friends in Hong Kong....It does not seem to be a problem...

Ericaequites · 05/01/2014 00:32

I meant it's very unlikely a child will earn a living playing a sport, or even reporting on same. It's much wiser to concentrate on academics at school. Disclosure: I come from a very unsporty family, and loathed school sports. I attended the same private selective(well, when my sister and I were there) girls school as my sister.

eatyourveg · 05/01/2014 09:22

Far easier to get good qualifications if you enjoy school though and get the chance to do things there that you are both good at and love doing than going to a school that doesn't suit.

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