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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

not doing year 7 homework

69 replies

lu9months · 10/12/2013 22:26

My ds is at a selective secondary and is meant to have an hours homework a night, however he often says he has nothing, and when he does, he only spends 10-15 mins on it. The school say he needs to put more effort in , but he seems to think he's fine. He gets cross if I nag him, but I'm worried he isn't achieving what he could, or realising what's involved. Any thoughts on how to help him ? I don't want to keep falling out with him.

OP posts:

copanya · 12/12/2013 21:50

Good luck in the garden shed, WencesLack!

In addition to our useful hours we sometimes control the computer using "ComputerTime" or "TimezupKidz". If your kid is like mine he is out of control with his computer usage. I drove me nuts so much I ended up writing my own program to lurk in the background and terminate games at certain times of day.

SonorousBip · 13/12/2013 09:27

GoodkingWenceslack - I will join you in the shed and bring some sherry!

An interesting book is Calmer Happier Homework (or summat similar) by Noel Janis-Norton. I saw it on display in a bookshop and impulse bought it (while having a little sob of gratitude) and it certainly has some very interesting points. She is very good about homeowrk being at set times and how it releases anxiety from children when they know it is then, and once it is over it is over.

Personally, I think it goes too far - unless you want to spend all your time up to GCSE acting as a homework enabler-cum-cheerleader, but there are some really, really good suggestions in it.

GoodKingWencesLACK · 13/12/2013 13:15

Good suggestion urban, thanks. Our tactic does appear to involve sanctions rather than positive reinforcement. DH is quite set in his ways and it may be hard to get him onboard with that though.

I already have calmier, happier, easier parenting and the explosive child, plus I am doing an Incredbile Years parenting course. I am slowly working my way through them, and it's even more slowly making a difference. I work evenings so DH is in charge and I suspect, unwittingly undoing some of the things I have achieved.

The shed will be lovely; a toy and x-box free zone, with lots of lovely smooshy knitted and crocheted balnkets and cushions. Sherry very welcome

urbancupcake · 13/12/2013 14:23

Must admit dd's homework start time is at 6.30 as she travels a long way from school. Lately she has been negotiating an extra five minutes or so which is so counter productive as she just finishes later. Must reel it back in

urbancupcake · 13/12/2013 14:33

@Goodking - it's not an easy road all this parenting lark. There will be something that motivates him. From an NLP course I did yonks ago it talked about the different character types and what get's them going. It's just finding that button. We too are wired to deal with difficult situations the same way so sometimes we have to look within and see where we're going wrong.

For example, I used to get cross with dd for missing out detail when she was telling me things, or getting Maths questions she knew like the back of her hand wrong. But then I had to remember her character type in that, she misses detail. And so instead of jumping up and down like a crazed nutter which is how I felt inside, I put a system in place so she doesn't forget the detail when doing Maths.

In any case, will join you all the the shed for a drink because it has been a tough week, it's Friday and I could so do with one.

pixiepotter · 13/12/2013 16:08

Urbancupcake you know this over-involvment is going to switch your kid off education, right?

wordfactory · 13/12/2013 17:54

It completelty depends on the child pixie.

My ds became fully independent with regards to homework and exams by 10 years old.

I have no idea what he does or if he finds it hard/easy.

However, DD wanted and still wanrts a hell of a lot of interaction with me. She wants me to read over every homework, test her endlessly for exams etc...but she's not remotely switched off her education. Quite the opposite .

wordfactory · 13/12/2013 17:55

And she's 14, in year 10 .

voddiekeepsmesane · 13/12/2013 21:01

Sorry in Year 7 term 1 you still need to be on top of them in regard to knowing what needs to be done and when as a parent. Slowly letting go over year 7/8 so that by year 9 they have the work ethic. My DS will only just turn 11 by year 7 I will not suddenly go from primary school looking over his shoulder to letting him get on with it and for him to "accept the consequences" if he is not coping. They need guidance through those first few years in secondary IMO

curlew · 13/12/2013 21:07

Guidance is good- I have spoken before about our rolling homework list, with due dates and approximate time each thing should take that lives on our kitchen notice board. And providing space, materials and a listening ear are also good (the listening ear never stops- I have a 6th former!). But micro managing, pre marking work, sitting with a secondary school child while they work- no.

urbancupcake · 16/12/2013 22:56

@pixie - what an over generalised statement. Where did you pluck that from? Can only be from your own child and your own experiences. Well guess what - there's a mighty big world out there. My dd simply loves, loves, loved education and I mean, really loves it. Studying for xmas exams at the moment and never once have I had to prompt her to do her revision. Loves coming first, loves coming number 1. Not a lover of creative subjects mind, such as art and DT but hey ho, I guess that makes her normal as you can't be great at everything. She did say today however, that not everyone in her class is like that. Only about eight of them. the rest haven't studied at all and don't care either. A friend of mine was telling me today also she has four children, one was always into studying from the off. She'd pick up a book while the others would be on computer games all day. Guess which one left with a bucket load of A*. It may come as a shock to you that for some it's not a chore, they actually enjoy it.

Sorry to disappoint and apologies too that what happens in our world doesn't fit in with your view of the world, but in our home, education is fun.

Sorry, I'm with voddie on this one. There's a lot of work to manage from primary to secondary and until a solid work ethic is established, absolutely I will be there every step of the way which over time I've been able to reduce. For exams now for example, she can follow the template I put in place yonks ago and now it's a breeze for her.

pixiepotter · 17/12/2013 00:02

Urbancupcake-your child has only been at secondary school for a few weeks, I suggest you wait until you have some experience under your belt before before spouting off.
I have had DC in grammar school over the last9 years or so and so have seen scores of kids with different parental approaches.
The over involved parents like yourself always either overstress their kids, or turn them off.

NigellasDealer · 17/12/2013 00:05

urbancupcake you sound unbearably smug tbh

NoComet · 17/12/2013 00:24

I've never checked my DDs planners (can't read DD1s) and DD2's is pretty cryptic.

Had my parents tried to micro manage my HW I'd have just not written down anything I couldn't be bothered with (ie all Welsh, all RE, 90% of French and 50% of humanities) English was usually fun and our maths mistress was too nice to mess about.

NoComet · 17/12/2013 00:26

And urban, I have straight As from before A* was invented.

NigellasDealer · 17/12/2013 00:31

phew nor have i starball, but apparently she is on course for her GCSEs....

NoComet · 17/12/2013 01:13

Neither likes being organised. DD2 only accepts help if there isn't any alternative.

DD1 is dyslexic and happily accepts proof reading. She is also very happy to chatter science and other subjects.

She wouldn't want you checking e everything she did. You can't a yeah, she does stuff on the bus and in the library.

NoComet · 17/12/2013 01:14

anyway

Hogwash · 17/12/2013 01:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NigellasDealer · 17/12/2013 01:25

honestly I cannot be bothered with it - it is their work not mine - although i am getting slightly anxiious about maths tbh.

i have a friend who helicoptered her dd thro GCSEs only for the daughter to find that there was just no way that she could do the coursework on the post GCSE course that her marvellous grades had admitted her to.

GoodKingWencesLACK · 18/12/2013 13:00

Ah well, we knew it was coming, from our previous conversations with the school, but I got called in last night regarding DS's lack of effort. Told he is very bright, but puts in no effort, in class and with homework and that his charm and good looks will only take him so far! She told him that he was already starting to drop down grades from where he was in September (they have been doing some tests over the last few weeks) and that this is a wake up call. She worryingly said that he seems to have the attitude that he doesn't need to do homework if he doesn't want to and will happily tell teachers this in class . He solemnly promised the Yr7 head of year and me that he would pull his socks up and promised to do some prep for his Spanish assessment today. Got home, he kicked off and refused to do it. I cannot make him do it, and feel like I'm banging my head off a brick wall. And when challenged he is rude and disrespectful. Bribing him/promising rewards just doesn't work with him, and neither does confiscating gadgets. We've tried.

So, he has to go to homework catch up tonight where she will keep an eye on him, and he has the holidays to think about his attitude and pull his socks up going into next term.

ReallyTired · 18/12/2013 13:30

ds is a lazy bum about homework. He is in year 7 and never brings home any homework. Ds works hard at subjects that interest him, but completely ignores subjects that he deems useless. (ie. Religious education, Art or any that requires writing or thinking skills)

I think its better for a child to fail at secondary school than university. I have a younger child who needs attention as well. I would rather listen to my four year old read than nag my eleven year old to learn his german vocab.

urbancupcake · 18/12/2013 16:25

@Pixie, my dd has been at school for a number of years to be precise. Children don't start school at Secondary, education started way before then just in case you didn't know.

Furthermore, if you're happy to sign off dodgy work and send your dc into school with it, or can not be arsed to pay a little more attention to the work you child is producing, prepared to throw caution to the wind and hope for the best, that is entirely your prerogative. Like I said, call it helicopter parenting or whatever title that makes you feel better about yourself, my dd is tops in school, loves education to the Max and is adored by all her teachers. In fact, last parent evening I thanked a teacher for bringing such passion to my dd'd love of the subject they taught, and they said, no, they would like to thank my dd for being such a great pupil.

With all due respect, must be doing something right.

Furthermore, you may wish to read thousands upon thousands of reports where there is a direct correlation between parental involvement and GCSE success.

Oh no silly me, you call that helicopter parenting. Whatever makes you sleep at night.

NigellasDealer · 18/12/2013 16:29

smug and patronising...

urbancupcake · 18/12/2013 16:35

@Nigellas - I'm sorry that you find my posts unbearalbly smug - you don't have to read them.

Nonetheless, I will say, if you're concerned about your child's maths, I found, like millions of other mums on this site. the CGP books incredibly useful. Although be warned, by introducing this to your child, you'd be deemed a helicopter parent.

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