Son settled into his independent secondary, and now been offered his choice Catholic Boys

[QuintessentialShadows]

I just need to convince myself the best option IS to stay put.

Pros of current school:

1. He has been uprooted so much with our moves, so not sure it is good for him to start a new school.
2. Happy with current school
3. He has made some friends
4. Making academic progress
5. 15 minute walk
6. Mixed, so both boys and girls
7. It is

Cons of current school:

1. It is fee paying.
2. Has no sibling policy
3. If one is privately educated, we need to be able to afford that for second child.

Benefit of other school:

1. It is free
2. It is Catholic (not honestly sure whether this is a real benefit or not)
3. It has a sibling policy so ds2 would have a place in 3 years time
4. Best friend is in this school

Cons:

1. Long journey.
2. We dont know it, and we are hesitant to send him somewhere unknown.

SO?

What year is he in - Y7 so only 1 term in?
How long is the 'long journey'?
Can you really afford 2 lots of independent fees?
What is the Catholic school like - you say you don't know it, but you must have chosen it for some reasons?

Can you go both go and look at it again, checking out the journey?

Remember a term's notice for the inde is much less than 2*5 years of fees.

Why do you need to do both privately? Lots of parents do not. Stay where you are and do not disrupt him again. I do understand your financial predicament, but this should not really affect him now you have made a choice. Moving again seems unkind to me if you keep doing it!

If you can afford the overlap of fees when/if dc2 joins, I think I'd leave him there.

What does he think?

How long is the journey?

The sibling thing is a big deal for me.

In 2/3 years time, what are your options if your ds2 doesn't get into either the independent or the catholic school you might have turned down?

ON the plus side of him having moved a few times, in this case it is only one term into secondary and his best friend is at the other school. Plus he's settled before after a move?

What are his thoughts.

We have just gone through a very similar situation with DD1. She had settled really well, and was achieving well.

However. We took the decision she would make the move to state. This was because;-

• she was joining DD2
• she knew people at the state school already - not best friends, but people she knew.
• it was closer
• it was her first choice
• she can now stay there till A-Levels if she fancies some stability.
• we all recognised that though we could afford for her to stay private, we'd find the money really useful.

The long journey is:
10 minute walk, 10 minute bus, 10 minute walk, and finally 20 minute train and 7 minute walk, it is 5,7 miles.

This school was our second choice, but our sons first choice from the state options.

We can afford the fees, just.

Pooka, I have not told him yet. I got the phone call today.

Leave him be. You've made the choice now. The comute sunds grim for a child plus the unknown factors and the disruption.

What sort of child is he?

Does he find it easy to make friends and integrate?
Does he need an environment that gives his an extra push to achieve or is he self motivated?
Ask yourself, which of the two schools suits him best (regardless of the fee situation).

To be honest, I would be very worried about just affording the fees, what is something goes wrong with work, etc...?

Sympathetic, QuintessentialShadows, as I fear this situation arising for us after Sep 2014 when DS hopefully starts at a London indie (if he gets in). We're a bit tight for funds as well. There is probably anecdotal evidence on both sides, but I would be cautious about educating one child privately and one child in state. With my sister, who was not privately educated as I was, it has been the cause of a great deal of resentment/.

We've thought about the fact that we're putting so much money into independent education, and came to the conclusion that it was either that, or an extra room in a house. Decided we coudl live without the extra room, but that if DS came out from a state secondary with a less than stellar set of A levels or whatever, we'd always blame ourselves and wonder if we should have sent him private and if we'd let him down. Now, that's us - we both know that we're prone to worrying that we should have done things differently. That's my twopennorth, adn I shall watch with interest!

How would you have felt if the offer had come earlier in the term?

The journey does sound like a faff, would he be doing it with his friend? Are there other routes/options you havn't considered?

You may recall that my DS started Yr7 this year, in similar geographical area, and although I would say he is well-settled, I'm not sure that strong friendships have yet been forged, he's very much finding his feet still, although enjoying it a lot. As your DS friend is there, he should have an 'in' to the friendship groups?

FWIW the Catholic and sibling factors would swing it for me - no fees, and no worries next time around, when the cohort will be much larger (current Yr 7 is the last of the small cohorts).

Can you give me a teensy clue to the school?

Are you Catholic? I am, of sorts, and was educated in all Catholic schools. I would NEVER send my child to a Catholic school. Nor would any of my friends, some of whom were at different schools.

Plus, that commute sounds awful- what about all the time waiting for buses and trains, which also needs to be counted.

Leave your son where he is.

The journey does sound like a pain in the neck. Do any coaches or school buses run?

That said, if I was happy with the state provision, I just would find it terribly hard to overlook the financial investment of the independent school. About £70k plus for one child? What if something happened to your family income? Do you have contingency in place?

While I agree that children don't all have to be privately educated (partly because at seems to be suggesting that private is inherently better, and I don't agree with that) given you have a younger ds and I assume you will be applying for schools from same address, you are going to hit the same issues you hit when applying for your older boy in a couple of year's time.

In our case dd will be going to ace state school nearby. Only downside is that it's all girls. Depending upon what's around for boys, I can envisage a point where we may send ds1 and ds2 private - in order for them to have access to as high a standard of education as at the nearby state girls secondary.

The sibling priority would swing it for me.

Atavistic - the Catholic schools local to Quint are , in the main, highly regarded.

I think that commute sounds like a total faff. It already adds up to almost an hour - and if you add in waiting time/missed bus time etc it could be a lot longer. The school at the end of all that would have to be outstanding to make it worthwhile. And if it is the one I think it might, just possibly, be - it is 'good' but not 'outstanding'.

That commute does sound a bit horrible. So many places where a late bus or train could lead to late arrival too. Are the school/council pushing you for a quick response? Take your time if you can.

That journey does sound like a real faff, even worse than the DC's which involves bushopping 2 or 3 times to go less than 4 miles (taking about 40mins)

Or could he cycle? DS cycles - it takes him 15mins to do the 4 miles.

I guess the other thing to consider is that you will have to pay fees until Easter but start the state option right away - maybe even before the Christmas holidays - to keep the place.

OK it would save you money in the long term, but imagine him not being happy or settled in his first term while knowing you had paid for a place at a school he liked.

I'm not sure which independent school you plumped for finally (is it the one with a new block?) but I would be tempted to leave him there. There may not strictly speaking be a sibling policy but it is still worth having a friendly word as I know siblings who have got in (that didn't get in to other schools iyswim).

The journey sounds like a right faff, and as others have said will be even longer with missed buses etc. Plus if it involves the local main road it is a nightmare at this time of year in the evening, the buses take forever as it is solid traffic.

Unless your ds got a reasonable scholarship, then this is a £140k question (possibly times 2!). I'm assuming that the state option isn't LO or CVMS as I get the impression that most parents would jump at those two with little hesitation (we're not RC so not an option, but there are plenty of boys locally who go to LO and we live 14 miles away!).

I have to say that the commute does sound grim. Is that what his best friend does? I wonder whether there are other unexplored options?

I think that the thing that strikes me from your op is that the list of pros for your current school doesn't make compelling reasons for spending £5k a term. It sounds very pleasant, and local. But usually independent schools would have something more than that.

I would have thought that it is worth a working day visit to the state school, and seeing whether ds can go in with his friend to aid settling (unless the friendship has moved on). If nothing else you can talk to his friend's parents and see how they are finding the school (which admittedly will be a bit awkward if you decide to stay put).

Sorry - just to add the previous post was made on the basis that it does appear that the affordability of the school fees may be an issue. I appreciate that you don't want to keep swapping and changing but there is a reasonable amount of movement in London schools. Even if there really were problems in the next school, and there may not be, a move back into the independent sector may still be possible.

It is not LO or CVMS no. Further west.

And yes betty, the one with a new block.

I am sort of hoping that ds2 could get a sports scholarship. But we cant bank on that. He is top set for maths, and doing well at science and literacy too.

I had a casual conversation with ds1 when he got in, asked if he was ever wondering how his old glass mates were doing at LO, CVMS and G, and he said "No, not really, I would not want to be there now anyway"

So I guess that settles it.

"glass mates" ha ha, I guess that is how fragile friendships are at that age.....

Quintessential, both my sons are at the school you have new place at.
They like/love it there.
We liked it enough to turn down the place from our First choice for ds2 when it came up at half term, although first choice was much nearer and on paper more suitable.
We were in your position, except that the school that came up half way through term was next door to our house. And we still turned it down.

It did not feel right to move ds2 from his school when he had settled in so well, and the teachers were being so encouraging (he has SN's) So we stayed put. The journey is 10 mins drive from my house and 30 mins by bus on a bad day (20 mins door to door walk bus on a good day). Yet I find it quite exhausting getting my two out of the house in the morning. My daughter goes to a school an hour away. And that is truly exhausting - I would not recommend it. Not only is the daily commuting life sapping, but when it comes to the evening stuff or late clubs you feel just knackered and uninvolved (I'm talking me rather than her!!!)

So although I think the school you have been offered a place at is a GREAT school, and that your ds would do really well, especially if he is top set, the journey time would decide me You should stay local. It makes a big difference to everything at this age. Later, not such a big deal, but when they are coping with new friends as well as homework and you are already in a good school which is local I would stay with the devil you know. There is always the option of changing when he is 13, often that is a natural changeover anyway in some private schools, so you could reapply then if you feel more confident about journeys or less confident about money.