How do you know which is the right school for your child?

[Justatiredmum]

Since my last post here! I have been busy visiting schools. And the mind boggles. They all have great facilities, glitzy websites, slick presentations, bright, articulate students, good results. They all sing the same song about stretching children without pushing them, educating the mind rather than teaching to exams and having zero tolerance on drugs, drink and bullying. The day schools are all equally distant from our house (read: far). The boarding ones all tell you that children thrive in their caring boarding environment.
I have removed a couple from my list because they had a very impersonal atmosphere but beyond that, I still have no clue which one would best suit my son. So how did/do you make the choice? Did you get the feeling that a particular school was 'the one' and went with that? Or did you simply have your child sit a bunch of exams and hope the senior school selection system gets it right?
I'd really appreciate your views!

For me the girls were just like my DD, she fits the type the school select for so I know she will thrive there. I left her for a taster day a week ago and it just felt right.

Lonecat - interestingly, the last one we looked at, the boys showing us round seemed very much like DS, could see him fitting in, etc, but the other boys looking round with us were completely unlike DS and not actually very likeable generally . Clearly they were not a statistically sound sample but I did end up wondering whether we were in the wrong place or whether they all were.

Schools definitely select for a type IME. Don't think about the other people looking round, look at what is already there.

Thanks Lonecatwithkitten, that's interesting. I don't think I have found a school yet where I feel my son would just fit in so maybe I need to keep looking. Although it doesn't help that he is in Year 5 and I am being shown around the school by sixth formers who are taller than me!

I reckon private school parents have rather different ways of choosing "right" school than state school parents would.

Iljkk, I see your point but don't entirely agree. State school parents can often have more constraints in their choice, not least because of catchment areas, but they too look for the best possible school for their child within the choice they have. What I am trying to understand is how can you tell whether a particular school, state or private, is right for your child. Is it gut feeling, or is it because current pupils are similar to your own children as Lonecatwithkitten suggested, or is is something else (and if so, what). Because, thus far, that feeling of having found the right place has eluded me.

I let DD choose & in retrospect, she chose right one for her. We talked about all factors I could think of, but she chose.
DS chose (different) school to be with his mates, right choice for him.
I imagine that I will do similar with other DC. Let them choose.

Around here cost is a huge constraint; you only have choice if you can painlessly pay £300-£520 for annual train/bus fares. Among those who can afford to not go local, I get impression the parents chose purely on basis of GCSE results. Their gut feelings not any more sophisticated than that.

Nuts, that's not fair what I wrote; I know plenty of parents who can afford the higher GCSE result schools further away, but chose local anyway. They prioritise localness over higher avg results. Or perhaps, as one said "You get out of it what you put in" (she is a secondary governor). So they have rated other factors as more important than glitz etc. That's why I couldn't choose either, I highly value localness, too.

Many parents at DD's school seem to have chosen it for the high results & Ofsted. I didn't even know about the Ofsted report when we applied .

We also saw a shiny private school for Dd that she loved but I rejected it because it was 2.5 hours commuting, 8+ hour school day, 1 hour homework: 11.5 hours/day devoted to school. NO twelve year old of mine would be allowed to put themselves thru that.

my 11yo already is being "put through" that - or at least the 11.5hr school day (albeit 10 mins from home, and including loads of sport and other cool activities which he chooses to do) so I probably don't have a leg to stand on.

I think everybody goes through this uncertainty and thinking that they should arrive at some magic formula for making a rational decision but, in my experience between you and your DC you do get an instinct about what feels right for them. The trouble is it hard to make such an important decision on something so subjective as feel. We were choosing between private day schools and DD1 knew exactly what school was right for her, it wasn't the school that was top of our list, or league tables (though as close as made any real difference) initially but she knew where she felt comfortable, and if I had to put a finger on what it was then I would have to say it was the sense of humour . When DD2 was choosing sixth form we did a very complicated decision tree. Se decided what was important to her in order of priorities, we then scored each school and then weighted each factor according to the priorities. After all that she went for the school that scored least!! I think we just had to get the rational bit out of the way to test the strength of our instincts! She is very happy and doing extremely well.

We are having a trying time at the moment with our daughter.we live on an island and the school ours go to are closing from secondary two,so our kids will have to bored at thirteen on the mainland.
we think this is to young so we either go with this or move back to England,very tough what do you think?