transition Y6 to Y7 - old/ new friends

[PastSellByDate]

Hello there:

DD1 is in Y6 and about to embark on secondary (and I'll shortly be joining the secondary discussions I suspect after years on MN Primary).

One of the things that is dawning on me is that many of DD1's friends will be scattered to the four winds come Y7. However, I can see that DD1 hasn't really absorbed this yet. The hard bit is all of her great pals will be going to different schools - some off to grammars and others in different catchments and unlikely to join her at her new school.

For those who have been through this before do you have any advice on handling this.

Thanks

Actually almost all the children in my daughter's class went to the same secondary and a lot of the friendships still scattered and re-grouped anyway.
I think one of the hardest things with my dd was the fact that I was no longer organising her social life - had really encourage her to text friends, ask people back, make dates etc. great tendency to hang out all day of a w/e and then try to get together with someone at the very last moment and then feel upset that no one was free.
Clubs at school are good for meeting new people, and out of school clubs (if your daughter does them) are a good way to keep in contact with old friends. Also let her know you are happy to have anyone back, will provide nice snack, etc. it helps for you to meet people too!
I also encourage my daughter to write friends mobile numbers in the house address book - this is h elpful in two ways, 1) useful if you need to contact her and she is out with mates and her phone is off / out of battery and 2) useful if she ever loses her phone. Your daughter might be more together than mine though!

Try not to worry, I know it's easier said than done. So many children arrive at secondary school not knowing anyone and within a matter of days they have friends(or at least someone to have lunch with and talk to at break time). My DD started YR 7 in September and she is now friends with children from lots of different primary schools, all her primary school friends have floated off. Different names are mentioned every week as she dips her toes in different friendship circles

Nowadays a lot of work is carried out on the transition to high school, schools usually hold an induction week in July which allows them to meet the children in their form and our school run lots of fun workshops throughout the school holidays again providing an opportunity to meet different kids. They also held parents meetings with the form tutor so that you could discuss any reservations you as the parent may be feeling. We then had a meeting in October to see if my daughter felt safe and secure in her new environment. So very different from my own experience when I just received a start date and went.

I'd start preparing your daughter by speaking about high school very positively and discussing all the new opportunities it will bring (hiding your own nervousness, if you are anything like me).

I'd try not to worry about it too much. All of my daughter's friends went to the same local school, but friendships have changed. She is still close friends with one girl and another she's had constant problems with for the last year and my daughter has said she's had enough and isn't her friend any more. One girl she hated at primary school, is now her friend! She walks to school with another girl, who wasn't her friend at primary either. At primary school they had regular contact with 16 girls and they had to try and get on with them, now they are coming across so many others on a regular basis and end up being friends with those that are like minded/have similar interests.

Despite being lucky to know quite a lot of girls, my daughter has made other friends. She hit if off with one girl the first morning in PE and they were constantly together for two weeks until I reminded my daughter not to forget her other friends. Luckily her other friends like this girl.

As mentioned do encourage your daughter to get contact numbers of those she really likes at the end of the first term. If she is going to their house or they are coming to yours, take the opportunity to get parents numbers as well for yourself. Putting aside friendships, it's always handy if they don't understand homework and want to ask another girl.
The first term my daughter had three lots of homework she had to do with another child, so that gives them the opportunity of getting to know others.

Does she do anything out of school ? My DD1 goes to guides and sees 3 of her primary friends there who are at different schools - they are year 9 and still enjoy meeting up once a week.
We are lucky that we live in a village so it's easy to see a couple of others at weekends/holidays. The class at primary were very close but she only keeps in touch with 4.

DD was one of two children who moved from her primary to secondary. She is quite a confident little thing though and is able to walk up to other children and chat away to them.

The only thing that I kept saying was that it was natural to feel a little weird but to look out for other students who looked to be on their own as well and to ask them if they wanted to sit with her and that they might not be as confident as her to talk to new people. I said just to say what her name is and what's their name and to talk about primary school etc.

DS was one of the older students asked to help with the new yr 7's and he said that by 9.30am she was chatting away to 6/7 girls and arranging to meet up.

I am pure she will settle fine and make new friends. This has been my exoerience wth DD this year.

DD was at a small school with 11 in her class in Y6.
7 went to her secondary school, the other 4 to 4 different schools inc DD's closest friend. DD was one of 4 in her new class from her old Y6.

She's been there nearly 3 months now.

Her closest school friends inc one girl from old Y6 and a new friend. She also has many other new friends. She does still hang out with her old friends who went to her school but not as much.

Re her old friends who went to new schools: her closest friend remains so, they see each other on a Saturday at netball club and try to meet up once a fortnight at our local Costa after school, along with other friends from their Y6 (from all the schools) and also new friends - again from each of the schools.

There is only one girl from DD's y6 she hasn't seen since leaving - she lives a long way away and goes to a school a long way away too.

They all keep in contact via text, email and Instagram - almost daily!

BTW - DD and her friends were devasted on their last week or so of Y6. Lots of crying and hugging. Their last class assembly was very emotional for pupils and parents.

But they have all coped really well and all settled very well into their new schools. I haven't heard of any of them having any issues or not made new friends. I'm in touch with all the parents - consequence of a small class that have been together for 7 years - and they have all truely gone through the transition fine.

My DD has just started Y7 and was the only girll in her class (and Y6) to go to an all girls Grammar school. She had a dreadful induction day in July as she suddenly realised she was leaving primary and going off to secondary. Having no friends to go with was an issue initially on the first few days of school in September BUT now after 7 weeks I can honestly say its been the best thing ever. Having no one she knew allowed her to wipe the slate clean and start afresh. New school, new friends, no history. She feels that if she would have had her primary friends join her in her new school she would have felt awkward in terms of dividing her time etc.

Dd started yr 7 the only girl in her half of the school from her primary (massive comp splits in 2 halves that never meet)

It has absolutely been the making of her, she's settled into a really nice group of 4 in her form and then has lots of other friends in her different subject groups and from drama and netball club

She has had to put herself out there and mix

The girls from her primary in the other half of the school have stuck together like glue, aren't mixing and are still dealing with all the primary squabbles

Not sure why the school placed them in forms the way they did but I've never seen dd so happy

17leftfeet sounds like we have had a similar experience re our DDs. .

But my dd has boys in the mix lol

Dear all

Thanks so much for your encouragement that it will all work out. And thank you MadMog for pointing out that friendships can change even if you do go to the same school.

DD does go to a lot of clubs but most are through her current primary school - so that's partly why I think it will be hard to maintain friendships. However at non-school clubs she's got friends from all over and some will be going to this new school in future are are there already - so that does help a bit.

I'll definitely take on advice to collect phone numbers this year and start of next school year! Forgot that was what Year R/ Year 1 was like.

I just have to brace myself now for the school place allocations in March and as Hulababy warns the last week of school will be emotional.

Thanks again - all your lovely comments will help keep me a bit more positive about things.

Like 17leftfeet our DD was the only child from her primary at her (highly-sought-after) comp and it's been the making of her. Girls come from all over London, so many others also started on their own, so at least you don't stick out. The school (as do many now) has a superb transition style, with events before Sept, so they got to meet their whole form (and we met the parents of girls in her form). It's been fantastic, and has encouraged her to bloom, really. She's got lots of new friends and does a few clubs, so meets girls with similar interests from other forms.

Do encourage her not to get a 'best mate' too quickly, it's comfortable, but often limiting. Best to give everyone a chance, as some of the 'slow burners' might actually make better long-term pals. And you don't want to fall into cliquey traps.

How will she be travelling to school? Do you think others from her school might make similar journeys? It's nice to have people you know on the bus/train, etc.

Will she be able to stay in touch with primary friends? Before Yr 6 last day, DD printed out cards with her email address and mobile nbr (both just acquired for the occasion) to give to friends and encourage them to stay in touch.

Fingers crossed it goes swimmingly for her. We have been SO happy and impressed with DD, all the girls and the school. Hopefully your DD has a similarly positive experience.
:-)

It will be fine.

DD1's secondary makes a policy of splitting up existing friends, which annoyed me a bit at the time. They did miss one of her key friendships because it ran through out of school care and DD1 and this friend weren't even at the same primary, so that one slipped under the radar so they ended up in the same tutor group. However, DD1 and her friend soon became part of a larger group of girls and there are now about 7 of them. They are spread across different tutor groups but are in the same sets so have a lot of lessons together. They spend breaks and lunches together and all play sports for the school teams. This group literally took a few weeks to form and they are now inseparable.

my experience as only 2 went to the local high school - and they were put in the same tutor group - 2.5 years in 14th birthday cinema trip 3 from primary and 5 from high school - they find their way x