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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Moving secondary during Year 8

9 replies

annaje · 29/10/2013 14:05

We are thinking of relocating to another part of the country and I have 2 boys aged 10 and 13. I don't have a lot of worries about changing schools with the 10 yr old, but worry about the 13 yr old in a new school and finding friends. Has anyone been through this? He does make friends easily, but is the least happy about moving as his current friends are pretty much is life at the moment.

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mothermirth · 30/10/2013 08:10

No advice but watching with interest as we are considering a similar move (but with a 13 year old and 16 year old).

Anyone?

redmapleleaves · 30/10/2013 09:14

We have just moved to a new area for the start of year 10 with DD and year 7 DS. It has been really tough for DD - really bad organisation from school despite having good policies, teenage girls, closed cliques, exam pressures, different syllabuses covered and needing to cover all of year 9 Science in a term with me at home, etc, and considerably easier for DS - boys have different kinds of friendships, everyone else was moving too - though still not at all easy. On the other hand we had no other options, and sometimes you just have to do it for a bigger issue. They will cope eventually, though I have needed to give LOTS of support.

I think it matters to help manage their expectations in advance. It will be tricky for quite a while. They are grieving for what they had. Looking at our two I think for DD it could take up to two years before she feels settled/at home. Currently has a friendship group to go to at lunchtime but doesn't feel she can be herself with them (3 months in). Whereas DS is being invited to parties and happy to go to them.

We moved to a very settled fairly insular community because this is where we could get them into school. In retrospect it would have been better to move somewhere with more coming and going, practice in incorporating newbies, and less of a sense you are odd if you come from outside.

I have needed to promise them that if they feel it is really dire still after a year we will look at other options - ie other schools in the area - but have reminded them this would mean they would be new AGAIN- , so they don't feel completely closed in with no choice. We do marks out of 10 on our days regularly, so I can get a sense of quite how dire it is, - sometimes it has got to 6/10 for DD, but regularly tears and 3/10 still. On the other hand I do think, slowly, things are getting a bit better or at least familiar.

People advised me to support them to go to scouts etc out of school to make links there which can come into school. What this underestimates is that if you feel actively miserable and isolated at school you can't bear to run the risk of this happening again in your freetime. Have managed to get DD to drama club outside the catchment area which she is enjoying, - but she is clear she doesn't want to be seen where people from school are, because she feels so exposed with them. So its like keeping a little candle burning in the darkness that there are people who like you - but not actively helpful to build bridges.

Sorry not to be more positive. In general for the family this had to be done, and in the long term I think it will have upsides. But this initial year is pretty grim, much like the transition to sleepless life with a newborn and a toddler. Good luck.

alpinemeadow · 30/10/2013 09:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mothermirth · 30/10/2013 13:28

V interesting comments, thank you.

Redmaples, hope things get easier for your DD soon.

Bumping for other movers Smile

annaje · 30/10/2013 14:51

Thanks for the replies. The area we are moving to is near a RAF base and so the local kids are used to a lot of new comers all the time. We also have friends in the village who have children at both the primary and secondary schools - although in different years to my DS's. It just such a big change for them and me - DH doesnt seem to have the worries I have

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larry5 · 30/10/2013 15:19

We moved when Dd was due to go into year 10. She settled very quickly and made more friends in a couple of months than she did in all her time at her previous school. The other pupils were very welcoming and the school had made an effort to put her with other pupils doing the same subjects. It would be good to visit the school before your DS is due to start.

I know that it can be a difficult time but I think as long as you know that it is the right thing for the rest of the family it will work out

Weeantwee · 30/10/2013 15:39

I went to 4 secondary schools (one for Yr7, one for Yr8, the third for Yrs9-11 and the fourth for six form - phew!) as my dad was in the RAF and I would say that moving before Year 9 (and the choosing of GCSE subjects start) is ideal for the least disruption, education wise. It's never easy moving schools and leaving friends behind but if you say the new school is local to an RAF base then the children should be a lot more accepting of new starters. It will be hard and your DS will need support but I agree with a comment above that it's easier for boys to get in with a group of friends than it is for girls. I had a horrendous time at two of my schools because girls were so cliquey.

GirlsTimesThree · 30/10/2013 15:54

We moved overseas when our three were one term into years 9, 8 and 6 then back again a year later. Two years after that they were at the end of years 11, 10 and 8 and we had to move again.
All three coped really well despite having to catch up with work they'd missed (DD1 missed the first term of her GCSE coursesand DD2 had to adapt to the different exam boards' syllabuses in the middle of her GCSE courses).
They all made friends really quickly and they all have active social lives. They were a bit worried about moving again, but it's been fine - in fact they all prefer where we're living now!
It wasn't ideal and I was really concerned about moving them again, but they had amazing support from their new school, both teachers and pupils and it's been a complete success.
I think the anticipation of something new is often worse than the reality. One thing the head of DD3's year did was arrange a couple of get togethers with a group of girls, so at least she started the year with some familiar faces. Might that work for your DS?
You're right about their friends being the most important thing in their lives, but my three just see that they have friends in lots of different places now!
I remember apologising to DD1 that we were having to move again and all I wanted was a bit of stability for them. She said that her stability comes from us as a family, not where we live. I hope she meant it!
Can you visit where you're moving to and show your DSs around? Maybe look at schools and start researching some activities they might enjoy? We've moved such a lot during our DDs childhoods and I've found that preparation has been the key, so they can get involved in things straight away. Also letting them be a part of any decisions re schools, houses, activities etc which makes them feel part of the whole process.
Good luck. It's not always easy, but it usually works out ok.

annaje · 31/10/2013 09:55

Thanks again - great to have the support from other parents, it really does make a difference. I have called the schools we are interested in, but they are both currently full in the year groups that we want. Saying that, they did say due to the RAF base, there is a regular turn-around of children so places may come available at any time. The only other secondary school that is local is not doing well and in special measures. The schools are a deal breaker for me, as their education is a priority, so this is really worrying me too. We have found a lovely house and its a fabulous place to live (more socially for them in a small village than where we currently are in North Kent) - plus my in-laws are 5 mins away in the next village. For me I have to leave my parents behind, and I'm worried about their reaction, so it's a matter of weighing up the pros and cons.

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