Have other people been openly critical of your choice of school?

[mychildmychoice]

I live in an area where the local secondary school has been "failing" for a long time. Been in special measures twice in the last few years. Several changes of head teacher. In the year of entrance for my DS the school was the second from last in 5 GCSE's at A*-C including English and Maths in the LEA.

I attended all the local comprehensive open evenings etc with DS and weighed up the options. The local school would have provided local friends, no travelling and the money spent on bus fares could have paid for private tuition if necessary.

What really became the deal breaker for me was when the head teacher at the local secondary told the audience at the speech at the open evening that parents were "fighting" to get their kids into the school. They didn't publish the A*-C results including Eng and Maths (20%). I felt that the "dishonesty" wasn't what I wanted for my DS.

I sent him to the next local comprehensive, a 20 min bus ride away. He attends with 2 double decker bus loads of other local kids whose parents have chosen the same school. There are also many other kids who go to other schools outside the area. He's been there for 5 years and I'm happy with his education, as is he. I have never pushed my opinions onto anybody. My DSD who lives with me attends the local school and it has improved greatly in 5 years and she is doing reasonably well (she is very intelligent) there but I do think there are still difficulties with the school and her choice of GCSE options was limited and despite being told she would studying for 2 particular GCSE's (not her choices) they have now been dropped after a year of study. Despite my feeling that she is not stretched enough, I have been nothing but positive about her schooling to her and to anyone who discusses it with me. I point out all the positives of the local school, of which there are several, of course.

However, I am sick to death of people who send their kids to the local school being overly defensive and often downright rude to me about my choice of school. Even one of my best friends keeps on banging on about how well her dd is doing at the local school and keeps on dropping into conversation how she hears of x y or z's kid who is being bullied at DS school or how the maths dept is "not very good" at DS school or how the ofsted report wasn't very good at DS school. I have never even discussed her dd school ofsted reports which have been 3's or 4's for many years now! I often hear parents saying how if kids "want to learn, they will learn". I disagree because if the teachers can't control the badly behaved kids in the class or are simply not teaching the kids the correct syllabus, they the kids can't learn! However, I never disagree with them, I always say things like, "I'm really glad your DD/DS/DGC is getting on well and enjoying school". I also say, if pushed, that I'm glad the local school is doing well now etc etc.

When I moved to the area over 20 years ago, I attended a job interview and the job interviewer told me that I wouldn't have been offered the interview if she had seen I had gone to the local school. I had no idea at that time if the school was good or bad as I was a young adult.

MY DP went to the local school and there are a lot of local people where there are several generations (rural area) and I think people do have a fondness for the school because they went there themselves. I understand that.

So today, we are having some work done at home by local builders. They obviously pick up on DP and I taking DS and DSD to different schools in the morning.

Then one of them starts.... his grandaughter is doing so well at local school, how the uniform is better(!) than at my DS school, how his "friend" was a teacher but had to leave my DS school because it is so awful, how they will learn if they want to, how my DS school had a "terrible" ofsted report, how the canteen is fantastic (after realising my DS takes sandwiches, as does DSD!). I said all the normal stuff and was positive about his granddaughter but he was certainly trying to get a rise out of me and was quite rude, I think, and I have been left feeling really quite rubbish this morning. :(

Said with sickly sweet concerned face of course.

My dd1 is at school today; dd2 and ds have insets. Has fuck all to do with what the schools are like!

Atia, unfortunately I thought of just that response, but about 2 mins too late.

Always the way!

Did you get all the 'but that's miles away' comments Kitties?

I thought 'yes-it's miles away but he is happy'. You have to do these things sometimes. Just because it's the local school doesn't mean it's the right school. Convenience over happiness? I think not.

My parents don't like our choice of school. But as they are not the parents, we just ignore and let the negative comments wash over. Due to the school we have 3 bilingual, bright, artistic, musical and most of all happy children. That's what matters!!

God yes.

But I squished a couple of comment-prone people my parents by saying I was saving precious time that used to be spent on school meetings about his poor social skills and inattention (when in fact he was just miserable).

Good point Kitties. DS1 gets the bus and we have to pay for it but it's worth it.
Plus all his friends are spread far and wide. But hey-he has friends!

My PIL's had big chips on their shoulder about our choice of private boarding school. They have never sit foot in the school and even when I offered to show them around they refused.

They did come around in the end but people have some strong views dont they often with little substance

There's a lot of local school appreciation here. It's a naff school with poor ofsted and poor results and so I always assume most people are just being defensive about their choice. I'm sure the school has some positive points though.

I'd probably change the topic if they start to discus schools or say how pleased you have been with DS's education but its nice to hear local school has improved as it was abysmal 5 yeas ago.

People only get defensive and bitch if they are a bit insecure about their own decisions.

I think you are trying to hard to be seen as nice and uncritical of their choice. You can't win that one though, by sending your kid to another school, you imply that the local school is not good enough for your school.

I am in the same situation, and I accept that this can be seen as a black mark against me ( in failing to support the local option). I do as you do, but do not go on about how great the local school is, as that would be false. After all, I did not send my kids there.

I NEVER badmouth the local school, obviously, but neither do I pretend I think it is great. I just don't talk anout the subject much and do not explain my decision to all and sundry.

Never apologise, never explain ;) works well

OMG YES! We've moved around the world a lot, meaning that my children have been to several schools. In EVERY SINGLE CASE there has been attempted one-upmanship with local parents, and in EVERY SINGLE CASE I have stated that it's my job as a parent to educate my child, and any school I send them to is there to help me do it. That pretty much shuts them up. My eldest is now 13, has been to 5 different schools in 5 different places and is tri-lingual, confident, intelligent, hardworking, althletic and personable. She is a highly proficient networker and communicator, as am I - if I don't think they are being supported properly I do something about it.

Our local school has a very good ofsted and the same results as the school my DS goes to by coach. People thought it was strange but the school is just more diversified which I think is better but hey who really cares but yourself.

We moved into the area and I was not going to move schools.

My DD and my Ex's GF DD are at the same school (school A). Before she became the OW GF was my friend and always knew despite the school being 3 -18 I might move DD at 10 or 11 ( to school B).
Since she and Ex officially shacked up she has slagged me off to anyone who will listen and many who don't want to for starting process of moving DD.
Last week she and Ex were out with mutual friends in one breath slagged me off for moving my DD. Then in next breath said she was moving her DD to a third school (school C) and it was the most wonderful idea in the world. This time her rant was that I have chosen school B rather than school C.
Me I am of the opinion that there is a school for every child, but it is different for each child.

I think that people are insecure. I have had it but I knew it was the best school for them so just smiled and nodded and ignored.

Lonecat. She is probably just trying to put you down. Ignore her. An OW is always going to feel insecure.

I let DD choose & she chose the school that has Outstanding Ofsted & highest results.

I can't believe the number of people who think I chose that school for those reasons! It's very funny. Yes I would have let her choose the school with headline GCSE rates of 42%. And I honestly think she would have thrived there, too. DS2 may still attend that school, yet.

I still get it 15 years after I left!

I think sometimes it's not so much about justifying your own (lack of)choices as trying to make a virtue of necessity.

DS and most of his friends had no choice; the local comp is reasonable to good, and they all went there, except a few people who managed for various reasons to go to other ("better") schools. (private, sports specialism, moving house, religion etc.)
We sometimes meet up and compare notes, and I do perhaps feel a bit resentful towards the ones who have maybe got a better deal than DS, but I try very hard not to show it by asking snotty questions.