Twins in different secondary schools?

[listenwithmother]

We have twin dds who are due to start secondary school next year. They haven't been in the same class at Primary since Reception and have separate, though sometimes slightly overlapping, groups of friends. They have a good relationship at home and have never been very dependent on the other twin. Our dilemma is that they are both keen on different secondary schools. DD2 is into sport in a big way and wants to go to our catchment secondary school which is a maths and science specialist school, with good results (for our area) and fairly good sports facilities. It's the one most of the other children from their primary will go to - not within walking or cycling distance, but there's a school bus to take them directly there. It's an over subscribed school, but she would probably get a place there as it's our catchment school. DD1 is quite into sports, but very into art, languages (not that she's had much opportunity to learn much yet!) and creative writing. She much prefers a different school, which is single-sex, a language specialist school and has results almost as good as our catchment school. It's not over-subscribed at the moment, and she would probably get a place there, based on last year's intake, but it would mean a 45-min journey to get there by bus and train.

We've visited both schools several times, and would be happy with either option, but the girls are both very clear about which schools they prefer. Would it be a nightmare to have two children of the same age in different schools? I'm slightly worried about different inset days, parents' evening clashing etc, but more worried about DD1 having to make quite a long journey every day. Would we be crazy to overlook our catchment, high-performing school for DD1 but choose it for DD2? Any words of advice would be very welcome.

I have three children in different schools, one high school, one primary and one special. Its a nightmare!

If there are two parents that can attend then maybe workable but I struggle when the schools have events on the same day. Last year the Christmas play for all three schools was the same day with two being the same time!

I would try and get them in the same school personally, I obviously have no choice but the one in primary will definitely be going to the same high so I only have 2 schools then. Mine are in the same town at least and the special school provides transport.

Please tell DD2 from my DD2 that by 1/2 term she will be fucked off with the journey and want to go to your catchment school. Our bus takes an hour (car takes 15 minutes, penny pinching bus provision)

Also bus plus train sounds a recipe for disaster unless you have way better trains than I used to suffer from.

I know a lot of twins who had different journeys due to being mixed set twins. Having two children at different secondary schools is totally doable if they use school or public transport (or can walk).

The concerning part is the 45 minute trip. It is certainly manageable but far from ideal. Particularly if she will be there for seven years. Has she realised that she will lose an hour and a half every school day? That's around 280 hours each year!

So you can do it, but she might not like the journey. Would she be able to transfer in year 8 or 9 or is the catchment school oversubscribed all the way through?

Anyway, fate may decide for you if they do not both get places.

I have three children in three different schools. It's fine.

I also know twin girls at different secondary schools. The girls chose their respective schools, and as the parents were happy with both schools, they let the girls have their wishes. This works very well for their family.

I am, in fact, always amazed at people who want all their DC at the same school, for their own convenience. Surely it's better to choose the right school for each individual?

Oh, and a 45 minute trip to school is really nothing. If she travels on the train, it's likely she will have friends seperate to her usual school friends on the train. DD1 has gone to parties and oherwised socialised with her "train friends". She loves the train!

As a twin, I would loved to have gone to a different school to her. I had to wait till college before we emerged from each others shadow.
Practically speaking, the 45 min journey would put me off that school.

My eldest is at a grammar school and she has a couple of friends there whose twins didn't get in and go elsewhere. Didn't seem to be a problem.

My kids are at 3 different secondaries - that's not a problem either. If they're in the same authorities they are likely (but not guaranteed!) to have the same inset days. Have never had any clashes of anything I actually wanted to go to. Doing a parents evening for twins at one school sounds like a nightmare, you'd be there for hours!

45 minutes - maybe not ideal, but my daughter's is an hour (walk or bus, then bus, then short walk), and lots of my children's friends have journeys of at least 45 minutes and seem to manage fine. Although I would check that your timings and changes are reliable.

I have twins ( admittedly B/G) , but I have put them in different secondary school due to different interests and academic levels and it is working brilliantly. I am very glad that I was able to match schools to their different interests and they are both very happy. Separate school events ( and parents evenings ) are actually a blessing as I feel that I can actually concentrate on each child as an individual. No clashes so far either though the schools are fairly close distance wise to each other. Ds has a 30 min journey door to door on a school bus and Dd is a further 5/ 10 mins away. It is certainly doable and when I mentioned moving nearer they were aghast as they value their time on the bus either hanging out with friends, listening to music or simply staring out the window. I think they actually value this as downtime in otherwise very busy days. They have both taken to their separate schools like ducks to water and I feel very happy with how it has all worked out, though I must admit I did wonder at times if I was making life unnecessarily complicated !
Good luck

A 45min journey sounds fairly run-of-the-mill. After the first couple of weeks of Y7 it is second nature. It will make her more independent and resourceful (especially when she encounters transport difficulties!)
However, when it is winter and she is getting more and more tired, might she feel jealous of her sister who has an easier journey?

I don't think parents evenings, etc will necessarily clash. In fact it could be a lot easier to have two separate nights than trying to see double the number of teachers in one evening.

And less chance of comparing with each other if they are in different schools?

That said, schools can promote themselves as being xyz specialists and the reality is that in most schools children are able to follow what they are interested in.

Watching this in interest as (much younger!) DTDs...

FWIW when I started at big school in P6, so 10, it was in our nearest city and involved an hour plus car/bus/walk combo and it was fine. Plus this was pre-mobiles...The important thing was I loved school. It was a bit of a bummer for socialising outside school hours, but that meant I tended to have lots of sleepovers, which is no bad thing.

There is something quite nice about adult siblings having shared memories of school - I enjoy this about my reln with bro even though we weren't there at the same time. Have 2 primaries now for my 3 DCs and hate it. Really hoping they will all be happy with the same secondary. Dd2 and DS keen at the mo - so trying to get dd1 into good co-ed school - fortunately her top choice anyway.

My DC all went to the same primary (but it changed a lot over their time there).

Next year if we get our first choice for the youngest, I will have 3 at 3 different schools. It is pretty much their choice, and no one is bothered or jealous of anyone else.

The one good thing, is if it goes wrong for one of your twins, you may well go to the top of the waiting list if you want to transfer them to the other ones school.

As for parents evenings, it can be worse in some ways if they are at the same school, my eldest two famously would arrange back to back appointments at opposite ends of their very long school.

If they go to different schools you will really notice the differences between them, eg quality of homework set etc. If you are an involved parent that could really annoy you.

Just because a school is a languages specialist, it doesn't necessarily mean the language teaching will be better, it may just mean more choice of which second language to learn.

Can you all do the journey to DD1's choice via train/bus over half term? See what it is really like? I know some people are saying that length is standard, but it seems unnecessary to me and will impinge on homework time, social life etc. What about after school clubs, and coming home later in the winter, would you be OK with that? What is the journey like by car for you to get to events - equally long?

(The mistake you made was going to look at a school so far away!)

FWIW, my DC are at the same school and I agree about shared experiences and supporting each other in times of need (teen girl angst/forgotten equipment, etc!)

K have 4 children over 3 schools. Its fine just got to be a little organised about when each school does whst.
Ds has a 50 minutes journey to school copes. Dd 1&2 30 minutes. Dd3 will minimum have 30 mins if mot more wheb she goes to secondary.

Pick the school that is the right one for that individual child.

Not quite the same thing, but I have a friend with two children in the same school year (11 and a half months between them). They have always attended different schools and are currently at separate six forms. My friend has always been super organized, but she has found it hard going over the years, especially with having to organise child care for different holidays, Inset days etc. What kept her going was the thought she was doing her best for her two sons, It can be done, but it won't be easy!

I don't have twins, but maybe it's good for them to be in different schools? So they don't run into any competitiveness and can emerge as individuals.

I don't think separate schools are so much a problem as it is pretty common for B/G twins to go to different schools, but I think the journey might be, especially with co-ordination of both train and bus. It really would have to be so much better for her in every way to be worth the journey. Does being a language specialist school really mean much in practical terms; is there a far better art department than in the more local school? Also, given the distance, would she be able to take part in after school activities, particularly those that cater for her artistic interests.

IME, the specialism a secondary school has is not usually significant. All state schools follow the national curriculum (unless a free school, and even then most do). So your dd2 will get to do languages and the arts at your local school. I can see how a child who is not mathsy may be concerned about going to a school with a maths specialism, but she will not be studying maths during every other lesson. She will have every opportunity to be creative, but hopefully will be less shattered whilst doing it.

Remember a 45 minute journey usually does not mean leaving home 45 minutes before school. You need to factor in time for delayed and cancelled trains and buses.

I have younger DTDs - gosh, can see it is a tough one. On the one hand I would love for my girls to be at different schools and really have a chance to develop a much stronger individual identity and completely distinct groups of friends. The logistics of parents evenings etc wouldn't worry me so much as most things can be worked out - the travel will take its toll (I did similar journey when I was at school and it was quite a lot on a daily basis). For me though it would all be the 'fairness' of it and the concern that one of them would in time feel they had made the wrong decision / had inadvertently chosen a less good school than her sister. I know you're saying they have different strengths and so maybe different schools would suit them better, but as PP said it will be difficult not to compare amounts of homework / standard of teaching / approach to exams, and maybe one will become resentful that you didn't 'stop' them making a decision that ultimately turned out to be the wrong one for them. I know this would be the case for any siblings going to different schools, but it's then not a direct 'real time' comparison iykwim.

my sisters and I were close in age and I chose to go to a school further away - took me about an hour, and I was also heavily involved in loads of after school activities. Glad I did it, as I felt much more my own person. We don't have shared memories of school, and I'm not that close to them, but that's for all sorts of reasons (and probably why I was happier being elsewhere). There weren't comparisons because we were different enough people that the comparisons wouldn't have been fair anyway. I chose my school because of its music program. I didn't really have friends that I saw outside of school, apart from at rehearsals and things, so that was less of an issue. I don't know if it might have been different had anyone lived closer.

Around here a language specialism is a difference with high quality teaching and choice of languages. If you love languages this is a real bonus as some schools are not encouraging languages at all. I would let them follow their interests. Many of us have children in different schools and manage and 45 minutes in a rural area would be considered ok.

If you had one child which school would you chose? Why should either of your children be penalised because they are a twin.

I went to seperate schools from my brother due to house moves and for secondary single sex schools. My brother's school was a short walk, mine was the other side of town.

OK I hated school and would have much preferred a different one, but there was no question of going to my brother's school so leave that aside. The only thing I didn't like about separate schools was that because I got home an hour later sometimes decisions had been made such as what we were eating for tea, where we would be going if we were going out. The decisions were made by my mum (dad usually at work) and my brother before I got home.

I swear my brother would deliberately ask my mum to make something for tea I didn't like.

I went to an open day at a school with a business specialism 2 days ago. When we visited previously they made a big thing of the specialism, but this time he said that secondary schools having specialisms is now going to be phased out. He said that phase of education has come to an end. Maybe the government has decided to stop funding specialisms?

Thank you everyone - a lot of food for thought. Yes, we did make the mistake of looking at the single-sex school, that's true! Before we moved house a couple of years ago, we visited secondary schools in several different areas, and that was one of them. Of course, we ended up not buying a house in the catchment

We're still torn between thinking that a 45-min commute (assuming train and bus are both on time) is no problem really, and thinking that it's crazy when the mixed school would be 15 minutes away, and that an extra commute adds up to a lot of 'lost' hours every week. Also beginning to think that the specialism thing might be less important than we thought originally - we don't have dc at secondary already, so it's difficult to know how important it is. Maybe there are ways of following your interests outside of school if you're passionate about them, but on the other hand the mixed school only offers French and Spanish, while the single-sex school offers 5 languages.

There are 1000 students at the mixed school, so perhaps enough scope to be your own person and not be compared to your twin all the time. Enchancia - you make a good point about the 'fairness' of it and we've already seen this in Primary school where one of them always seems to have a 'better' teacher than the other every year and you always compare homework, amount of progress etc. Aaarrgh, still lying awake every night thinking this one through, wanting the best school for both dds and the deadline for applications is less than a week away! Will update when the deed is done.

My dd travels for 45-60 mins to get to school tbh I thought that was normal , she has never complained. She has been getting herself up at 6.30 everyday since she was 11.