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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

My head is frazzled -opinions please

22 replies

WineAndChocolate · 14/10/2013 14:21

Hi all, we have to make a decision about a secondary school choice by end of October and I am going round and round in circles so thought I would canvass opinion from people I don't know because all the other school mums are confusing me more.

Here is a profile of my son:

Very active and can be quite boisterous
Likes being active but doesn't like any kind of contact sport i.e. Rugby as he faints when he gets hurt or sees blood
Likes running tennis etc
He is friends with both boys and girls
Likes baking
Not quite a genius but is quite bright and loves learning
Loves reading books like Percy Jackson

We have a choice of two schools. One is an all boys school and one is a mixed school. The boys school is more academic and gets better results and the boys are all very well spoken and hold themselves well. However it is obviously very masculine.

The mixed school has historically not been a very good school. However this year their results were on a par with the boys school. Not sure if this was just a one off fluke though. When we went to the open evening the children showing us round were very polite but had a 'street' accent for want of a better word.

On paper the boys school is the better one but I can't help feeling he would be happier at the mixed school but would I be letting him down academically if I don't send him to the school that will push him more?

Which one would you send your boy to?

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 14/10/2013 15:37

Short answer - the one where my gut tells me he'd be happier.

A happy child will learn, unless the school is terrible, whereas an unhappy child won't make the best use of the supposed advantages of a school that gets higher results.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/10/2013 15:48

Does he actually need pushing or is he someone who would be happier being near the top of the class in a less pressured environment?

Theas18 · 14/10/2013 15:51

What does HE want?

PestoSpookissimos · 14/10/2013 15:53

I'd ask him which one he prefers.

mummytime · 14/10/2013 16:04

I would send him to the mixed one. Similar results, a less pushy attitude, and less macho; it sounds as if it would suit your son more. All schools have pupils they fail, they may not show up in exam results as they may have left by then; but it is better not to have confidence damaged by even months of feeling unhappy at school. You cannot achieve your best when you are not happy.

Original poster

WineAndChocolate · 14/10/2013 16:10

I think he would just get on with it wherever he goes. He's quite laid back and says he doesn't mind either. He kind of does need pushing a bit I think. The other thing is that the mixed one is less strict and he is the kind of child that needs definite boundaries.

OP posts:

mummy1973 · 14/10/2013 19:39

Have you seen the schools on action on a normal day?

Original poster

WineAndChocolate · 14/10/2013 20:14

No I haven't but I live very close to both schools so see their everyday behaviour out of school. The boys appear to be much more polite and well behaved than the mixed not to say the children at the mixed are too bad.

OP posts:

grants1000 · 14/10/2013 20:23

I think you can't base your decision on what they look like after school, all groups of 11+ look a little unruly/cobbled together.

I see grammar schools boys and girls near where I work and local high school kids where I live and tbh they look and act more or less the same.

You have an under hint is snob about you which I totally get, but don't let it be the main driver in your and your ds's decision making.

Original poster

WineAndChocolate · 14/10/2013 20:35

I probably do sound a bit of a snob but I'm just trying to be honest about the obvious differences between the two schools.

OP posts:

urbancupcake · 15/10/2013 00:12

Everyone will hate me for this... but I think the academic one.

Here are my reasons:

Just because a school's academic doesn't mean the children there aren't happy. There is nothing you said about the first school either that tells me that the kids there are bright but sad.

If the second school is a really laid back environment,I'd be concerned about him not challenging himself and you say he needs boundaries.

There are boisterous children at academic schools too - that's just boys as well as softer boys too. Even those that hate rugby.

At the end of the day, I'm sure he'd be 'happy' with great GCSE results and it appears the first school has more of a track record of achieving.

You'll spend the next how many years of your life worrying your head off if he's being challenged enough, even though you could spend just as many years worrying if he's happy, but...

He said he doesn't mind either and so the first one couldn't be that bad as he would have picked up on any hostility while he was there. Whereas, I know of parents when we were doing the rounds not that long ago who took their 'not-so-academic' child do an 'academic school' and straight away their child said, no way!

All that said, I can so see your concerns as when you read the profile you've written he sounds a dead cert for the laid back school. All I'm saying is, the academic school can have nice, soft, kind children as well as all those happy things too.

Blu · 15/10/2013 08:10

The good news is that it sounds as if you have two good genuine options.

I would look at these questions and to the extent that they are likely to be important to your DS at each school:

Do they do triple science?
Can they do 2 MFL at GCSE?
Two humanities? (some schools offer Geog OR history, for e.g)
Do the students in your DS's ability group reach expected targets (look on the Dept of Ed website - much better indication than overall results which may just reflect intake)
Does the school set for all subjects, some or none, and at which stage?
What extra-curricular subjects and clubs to they offer?
Facilities: up to date science labs, ICT suites, drama studio?
Pastoral support system - do they keep the same tutor throughout school career, run a house system, have a wide range of support systems.

urbancupcake · 15/10/2013 08:21

Oh wow, what a great set of questions blu. It's true to say that I wish I had asked one or two of those when we were choosing ours as not, has left us in a huge pickle for a couple of them.

Personally I'm all for schools that set per subject as opposed to stream, for example.

urbancupcake · 15/10/2013 09:28

In fact, there are exactly THREE questions on that list that would have made a massive difference to the school we decided on.

ohforfoxsake · 15/10/2013 09:38

Blu, we're revisiting high schools and that post of yours is really helpful. Thanks.

OP, we may be in a similar position (except waiting for entrance exam results so all up in the air). I really like our local high school, despite the fact it's just dropped its ofsted into 'needs improving'. He is bright, sporty an outgoing. I think they will value him and will want him to do well (for their league tables if nothing else), and we will support him regardless so he can't really lose. Hopefully he can chose and if he chooses that one I'll still be happy.

schwertz · 15/10/2013 12:38

I can see why you are confused op.

Going from what you have written, I think you are inclined towards the all boys school.

I read or heard somewhere, that if we toss a coin, before we know the reult of the toss, we know whether we want the heads outcome or the tails outcome.

I think if you were to do that with this, from the limited reponses you have given so far, I think you really want the all boys school.

I think that may be the best one too.

Draculasbride · 15/10/2013 13:00

I suspect you want him to go to the boys school and he would rather the mixed. If I was in your position I would plump for the mixed their results are improving and he will from what you've described be happier there.
If you do plump for the boys school just make sure he does have some sort of female interaction too (after school clubs etc...) my brother went to a boys school and found speaking to women very hard when he left an started an office job.
As for the 'street accent' don't worry too much I had one of those at school and dh's nn for me now is Joanna Lumley jr (I think drama school may have had a hand in that though)

Draculasbride · 15/10/2013 13:01

*and started an office job! Sorry trying to shovel scrambled egg into dd's mouth whilst typing!

Original poster

WineAndChocolate · 15/10/2013 16:08

Wow. Thank you so much for your replies. The mixed school is much newer and their facilities are amazing compared to the older all boys school. They have a state of the art science block, ICT block and art block. Not just one room for each like the boys school. Well there is certainly a lot here for me to think about and I am definitely going to investigate Blu's list of questions further. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:

ErrolTheDragon · 15/10/2013 16:19

In addition to Blu's excellent list, I'd add a fairly obvious one - if there is some particular subject your DS is likely to be interested in a couple of years hence (other than the 'standard' ones) is it offered at GCSE at one but not the other (in my DDs case it was electronics.)

Do try to go round in school time, ideally with your DS - if you're pretty happy with either school in principle, this may give you the best idea of whether he'd love one or the other.

Oh, and have you checked the PE esp at the boys school - there's one near us where rugby (after school, even!) is mandatory.

Takver · 15/10/2013 16:48

Is the boys' school definitely 'masculine', or are you just assuming IYKWIM? Because there is the other possibility, that boys feel less pressure to be overtly masculine because there aren't any girls around to compare with, if that makes sense.

I went to a girls' school, and certainly there it was easier to be a girl interested in maths/ science/ electronics etc than seemed to be the case in equivalent mixed schools. You may find it is easier rather than harder for your ds to choose options like Food Tech / play tennis rather than rugby etc in a single sex school as everyone choosing those options will be a boy, by default.

Its also worth remembering that school is only part of the day - there's still plenty of time out of school to socialise in a mixed group (and maybe join a mixed organisation like scouts/ cadets / etc to broaden friendship groups)

Having said that, dd chose the "less pressure / worse results" option in similar circumstances and so far I'm very pleased with what I see of her school - but she's a very different character and more suited to being in a lower pressure environment.

JonSnowsHarlot · 15/10/2013 16:53

Have you thought about contacting the school to discuss? I have found directly speaking to a school very insightful and usually they give a very good second context.

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