Is Eton all work and no play? IndridCold, Grovel, Peteneras...help!

[jokebook]

Hello all Eton experts!

We are currently making a decision for DS about whether he will go to Eton or another boarding school. My impression of Eton is that it is all work and no play. The lovely gardens attached to houses we've viewed are not for the boys, the communal space (games rooms, tv rooms) are tiny and poorly equipped (and barely used by the sounds of things) and being in single rooms from the start there is no chance of "dorm mischief". Where do these boys kick back and just be kids....running around, kicking a ball at break etc? Or is going to the archaeology society meant to be recreation? Or is there no spare time for fun?

He will not be going to College but one of the Oppidan houses!

There is lots about it that I love, but at the moment I'm thinking DS could do well academically elsewhere and have a lot more fun along the way.

Can you convince me otherwise?!

OP - Interesting questions to which I would also be curious to see the answers from those in the know but from the ethos that I have understood from the little I know about the place, there is definitely an emphasis on being "rounded" and not all work and no play ...and while I had a similar concern about single study rooms being the only option from day one, I did look at the timetable and there is a lot of time built in for activities/sports and when I did the tour on a Tuesday afternoon it seemed a lot were doing something active, be it golf, rowing or cricket or music. But as you point out, they are more formal activities, as opposed to kicking a ball about.

I also did wonder if they got a bit lonely in those bedrooms every evening especially when they first start off in F block rather than sharing with at least one other. If you are the sporty, popular guy whose door is knocked on by your mates, then fine, but what if you are not one of those?

Also, they have laptops from day one and i wonder if that adds to the temptation to stray when you are just alone in your room and meant to be working. Though I assume there is enough peer pressure to make them motivated to produce a decent work output.

By contrast, Winchester on the other hand seem to pack them in with as many as six or eight sharing in the first year which seemed to be the other extreme in terms of privacy. They all do their evening prep altogether and are allowed no laptops til the third year, so no temptation there. I did wonder why these full-on boarding schools take such a different approach.

Aside from that, very well done to your DS for getting the place given how sought after they are - out of curiosity, did he get an "A" place or was he waiting list ? How long do you have to make your final decision? Assume you've found a house and will be asking these types of questions to the HM?

By HM ... I meant housemaster not headmaster!

I've not visited Eton but it would be very surprising if they did n't have the equivalent of a 'yard' attached to each house to kick a ball around in. Can't imagine boys doing without that.
Amber, the privacy for the lower years at Winchester is supplied by their study cubicles (toys) or chambers. That's where they go if they want some peace during the day surrounded by their own things.

Hi joke book,
My son is in B block now and I would say it IS a lot of work being at Eton but there are also opportunities for fun, more so with each passing year. The single study bedroom thing is both blessing and curse, especially if one's son goes through a computer game or FB addiction (mentioning no names). However, the housemasters look out for that; and the internet goes off at 11:00pm (or so my son tells me!). In a very busy day, having a single room does give them some privacy in which to recharge batteries and do EW (prep) without disturbance. Eton is like university for teenagers in that they have to become quite well-organised and take responsibility for themselves. It doesn't suit everyone but whenever my son had hiccups and we discussed alternatives, he never wanted to consider going anywhere else.

My DS's house bordered onto fields and the boys were always out there playing frisbee, kicking a ball about, snowballing etc.

Yes, the boys have laptops from Day One but to get onto the Eton network they have to hand them over to IT Services who set them up in such a way that if the boys misuse them they will lose Eton access (a disaster). Needless to say there are some quite sophisticated hackers among 1,200 boys to keep the authorities on their toes. One of the reasons they have laptops is that in the first year (F block) the boys are taught to touch type and to use the basic Microsoft suite (Excel, Word, PowerPoint etc). Brilliant idea IMO.

The debate about single rooms is interesting. My DS is an only child who went to a day prep school. We wanted him to board to experience living cheek by jowl with others outside the "normal" school day. We liked the single room in case he found the experience a bit "full on" in F Block. As it happens he was fine. As to "the less popular boy" I would only observe that perhaps he'd be even more miserable in a dormitory with no privacy. Difficult to generalise but I've commented before that the worst "nastiness" my DH observed at his school (Radley) happened in dormitories.

The super-motivated boy (not my DS!) might have little time to chillax (oh dear) with his friends because of extra-curricular activities. My DS never complained.

The awful thing for prospective parents is that your DS's initial happiness at any boarding school will largely depend on the chemistry between the newboys who join the House with him. A good bunch will look out for the lonely boy. A less good bunch will ignore him. Housemasters, their deputies, their matrons/Dames will use their experience to help them bond but they can't force friendship on them.

Because my DS was happy at Eton I generally stick up for the school. With benefit of hindsight I now think my DS would have done fine at loads of other schools who do things differently.

Mumziwumzi, my DS left Eton 4 years ago. Feel free to correct any inaccuracies in my post. Things move on.

Thank you for your replies.

All interesting comments. I definitely agree with the comment that Eton is a university for teenagers. I'm still in 2 minds about the single room from the beginning - especially in some houses as the corridors are mixed by year group so it must be hard at the start to get to know your peer group. However, I'm sure I am over thinking this.

The comments on PCs - I'm sure there is gaming etc going on after lights out and unless the HM/Dame patrols, the boys can stay up late - but that can only go on for so long as they will get tired.

Sounds like it was luck of the draw house-wise, as several of them have outdoor space (the garden) but the boys aren't allowed to play in it. The ones slightly further out nearer the playing fields are better suited to that spontaneous game of footy, frisbee etc - if you're in the other houses I guess more planning is needed to walk 5 mins to go and play. I'm sure footy in a tailcoat is discouraged anyway!

Amber - he got an A place. Yes will be asking HM these questions but always good to hear from people with experience of the school who aren't trying to get a "bum on a seat" !!

For the right child it is a fantastic opportunity.

Anyone else out there with views?

Jokebook - well done to your DS!

I think you are asking the right questions...don't go for Eton because it's famous or because others will say you are crazy to turn it down, go for it if you and your DS feel in your heart of hearts it is the right school for him and he will be happy and thrive in his five years there. Having said that, if he got an "A" place Eton must think he will!

On the PCS, I have my doubts about how a matron/HM can really keep their eye on 50 or so teenagers who have their ways and means vis a vis spending time gaming etc.. I guess you have to rely a bit on peer pressure and academic competition at Eton to make sure they keep their heads down and work rather than watching Youtube or obsessing with FB.

Hi Amber, yes agree about PCs. They have to learn they are in control of the PC not the other way round! And I agree that the academic pressure and I guess the fact that they have to organise their own time from the beginning and attend all the extra curricular opportunities means that the staff hope FB etc is squeezed out time wise!.

For what it's worth, my DS who has quite a few friends at Eton has said before that none of them post very much on FB or in some cases even use FB during the term time. Can't say about gaming.
I imagine that they are far too busy during most of the week.
In most of these boarding schools where the day is kept full, I agree that computer time is squeezed out. They may want to catch up for lost time in the holidays.

Thanks for your perspective Summerends. I suspect you are right, and once they've "made a mistake" and got behind with work or got too tired because they have stayed up late on the PC, they learn quickly.

I just needed reassurance that the boys have some balance and a chance to let off steam.

You might find the response the housemaster gives to your question on how do the boys let off steam quite telling and useful in gauging his approach and helping you make your decision.
Re outdoor spaces, 5 minute walk is not very long if you have over half an hour to spare but might inhibit those spontaneous 15 minutes kickarounds.

There is masses of play at Eton - and of course work! There are loads of extra curricular activities and something for everyone, whatever their interests.
My ds never had a moment's boredom in his wonderful five years there.

Many congratulations to the both of you jokebook, for getting an ‘A’ place. You know in your heart of heart, Eton is where you really want and let me assure you this - you are absolutely right!

But where you’ve gone absolutely wrong is to think Eton ”is all work and no play”. I would go as far as to say a boy can play as much as he likes from dawn to dusk but the question is, does he really want to do that when all around him are boys applying themselves, each trying to find a niche where he can thrive?

And just to prove that boys do indeed go chasing after a round (sometimes oval) leather bag of air in their spare time, well, I’ve actually seen them doing it myself when I turned up unexpectedly one evening to see DS. On that particular occasion, I thought (strangely) I also saw a new “boy” fooling around and generally messing about together with all the other boys in DS’s Block on a patch of green just outside the house. It was only after I had parked the car that I realised this “new” boy was none other than the Deputy Housemaster! He looked so different in casual shorts and T-shirt outside his official Eton suit and white bow-tie that I was so accustomed to seeing him in!

Now, they say a (middle) picture paints a thousand words.

What better insight into Eton than this from an OE Capitan of the Oppidans in this 2012 article from School House Magazine? As you can see, even though it’s a fairly lengthy article, the author ends by saying, “There is so much more to Eton than I have been able to mention in this whistle-stop tour and much that I have been forced to leave out”.

Everyone

Many thanks for your insights and thoughts. I feel much reassured and Pete I will follow my heart.....!!

The debate on single room vs. dormitory frankly, baffles me! I can fully understand why boarding schools that do not match up to Eton’s wealth and grandeur (and none does) advocate for dormitories and the so-called “advantages” a dormitory presents - that’s the only course of action they could take in a sales pitch, but I’m afraid it’s a very poor argument that does not hold water.

Come on, we are talking about 21st century teenagers here, not little toddlers that need to be kept together under some watchful eye. The fact is, although they each have their own bedroom at Eton, the boys hardly spend much time in there except of course, to sleep there at night and to do their EW and other personal work when they wish to be left alone. It is a place where they can call their own, where they keep their treasured personal belongings, e.g. a picture of their dog, family, etc. A place where one could put up a poster of Muhammad Ali in action right next to a poster of Thomas The Tank Engine without being ridiculed; a place where you could proudly hang up your Chelsea blue scarf on the wall without any objection from your Man U-supporter housemate. What can be more logical than that?

In his last two years there, I would be lucky if I could get to speak to DS on his mobile the early side of midnight. And when I finally did get him in his bedroom, the reasons given were always the same: “I’ve just come up from downstairs”, “I’ve gone to visit ‘Attila’ at Penn House“, “I’ve just returned from the X Society meeting which ended 10 minutes ago”, “We’ve just arrived back from Avon/Buckinghamshire/Cambridgeshire . . . Warwickshire . . . for the rugby semi-final”, etc.

And of course, by design the boys are always together: at chapel, during lessons, at meal times, in the playing fields, drama, CCF, music, tutorials, etc.

So you see, the bulk of a boy’s time at Eton is spent with their peers and friends. It’s a god-sent to be able to have your own room. You don’t need to also go to bed together, thank you very much!

I know nothing about Eton but I'm just picking up on the single room thing. Why is this a problem? Why might it cause loneliness? My children have single rooms at home and I insist on orderly bedtimes, in that they have fairly rigid bedtimes and I power down the internet. I don't for one moment consider they are lonely in their single bedrooms.

I think it's dorms or shared bedrooms that are odd.

DS can't wait to move out of his prep school dorm set-up into a single study bedroom ... He's looking forward to his own space to decorate at will (within house rules!) and where he can shut the door if he wants a little him-time. We looked at several insurance back up schools (in case he didn't get an A list offer!) and found the dorms a little feral in some of them. That said, we had previous experience of Eton so know how sociable the boys are (and have to be to pass the pre-assessment interview) and how much time they spend together out on south meadow or college fields.
What any of you have to understand is that mostly families live in the boarding houses, the HsM's own family, and they compromise a lot of personal privacy to enable the father to run the house ... They at least deserve a bit of a garden to themselves! And there will be high days and holidays when the boys are invited into the garden for 4th of June, house BBq etc.