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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

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Original poster

Y7 kids 'going out with each other' - cute or ...?

21 replies

kitnkaboodle · 08/10/2013 22:46

a bit weird?? I'm tending towards 'cute' but am interested in others' opinions. This apparently had started at my son's primary school in Y6 and now seems to be happening with a vengeance. My Y7 son told me that a friend of his had 'been out with several girls' since starting secondary (ie in the last 5 weeks!!). We had a laugh about it and I asked what the 'going out' actually entails. Apparently nothing - they just choose a boyfriend/girlfriend and declare that they are going out! Then some time later one of them finishes with the other (seems to be after about 5 days!)
At least in Y6 they apparently walked around together a bit. I'm sure it's mostly the girls' doing. My son thinks it's a laugh and has no interest in it.
This normal for Y7s??

OP posts:

ItsDecisionTime · 09/10/2013 00:15

It seems it is. I had the same thoughts as you about it and wondered if the world had gone mad (and all the Y7 girls with it!) Everyone's either "going out with" or "really likes" someone in DDs school but they don't do anything together or go anywhere. DDs best friend finished with her boyfriend because he texted her too much and said she preferred a boy who didn't speak to her much at all. I think it's just kids playing at being grown up.

NoComet · 09/10/2013 00:24

Seems to be in DD2s Y7/Y8 class

DD1 never got involved in such nonsense. Just had a boy for a best friend last year of primary and they still disappear and talk dr who, hunger games and computer games 5 years later, when their paths cross - different schools.

CiderwithBuda · 09/10/2013 00:29

Common with DS's year too. One of his friends was 'going out' with my niece over the summer. She is in Ireland and he is in uk! They only knew each other on line.

DS is totally not interested. As far as I know. I keep threatening to go in and complain that none of the girls can see how gorgeous he is! .

cory · 09/10/2013 08:51

It was exactly the same in my young days. And something very similar is described in Anne of Green Gables, so I suspect it has been around a long time. Iirc William Brown also has girlfriends at 11.

Imo it's a kind of formal courting ritual, an opportunity to play at relationship before you are old enough to feel the pressure or the desire to actually do anything. Not necessarily a negative; like all play, it teaches you something before you need to know it.

And ime totally distinct from the very different kind of pressures and needs that make a small number of very young children have sex.

Ds went out with all the girls in his class one after one in Yr 7. And then lost interest.

bigTillyMint · 09/10/2013 08:55

Yes same happened here.

By Y9 the "going out" did actually mean going out/meeting up out of school!

Original poster

kitnkaboodle · 09/10/2013 10:42

Yes, I guess it's nothing new. I'm sure Victorian schoolkids had 'sweethearts' or whatever! Just acting out what they can see older kids doing. In My Day (35 years ago!) there were kids really going out together by the 'third form' so I guess the world hasn't particularly gone mad during that time ...

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minesawine · 09/10/2013 12:54

My DS had about 6 'girlfriends' in Y7, none of which lasted more than two weeks.

He is now in Y8 and has lots of girl 'friends' but the romance is all gone.
Thank goodness.

Dreading Y9, because it all starts up again, and is not so innocent

Dontletthemgetyoudown · 09/10/2013 12:57

I wondered if it was a new thing. DS2 is yr7 and has a gf. They have been 'going out' since yr6.

It is kind of cute, they have been to the cinema with other friends as a large group, they go to youth group together but I would say they are more just friends and ds gf is very much a tom boy and much more comfortable in the company of boys than girls.

DalmationDots · 18/10/2013 23:55

DD came home from her first year 7 disco with a boys number, they texted (I saw some texts they were quite sweet and awkward), they agreed to 'go out', went ice skating (with other friends too), they then broke up a week later for no particular reason.
All very innocent and harmless. This was nearly 10 years ago now so before the age of bebo/facebook though (not sure if that makes any difference though).
It wasn't until year 9 or 10 that more serious relationships began for DDs friendship group.

lljkk · 19/10/2013 09:17

ime, Kind of normal if not common, iyswim. The girls start marrying off the boys in y1 ime. And I've had to scold y3 kids for enthusiastic kissing at the Disco. DD did kiss one of the lads in y1. Almost zero interest in boys since (now y7).

Similar when I was little.

C0ffeeN0biscuit · 19/10/2013 09:20

I discourage that labelling from my 11 year old. I allow it but re label it. Ah so you think he is good company? Or you think he is handsome? So he is a handsome friend and people know you are friends?
Im obsessive about this kind of thing.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 19/10/2013 09:27

It was very common when I was at school. You declared somebody you boyfriend, walked round with them a bit, maybe went skating if it was really serious and then split up within weeks. It's not 'cute', it's just normal. Year 7 is such a year of transition and they're merely aping the behaviour of older children. In the vast majority of cases, it's innocent.

My dd is 6yo and has been 'engaged' for about 18 months now. She goes on dates in the playground apparently. Dates seem to involve playing Iron Man and football. DD is most concerned however, that her df doesn't want to live with us when they're 18, he thinks they should live alone together. Her df's concerns currently focus on whether they should have joint or separate bank accounts. They write very sweet notes to each other. DD has one in her school bag atm which he wrote. It says 'luv you to Joopiter and back' and there's a picture of a ninja turtle, on Jupiter I think, scrawled at the bottom. I predict in a few years' time, they will have both moved on and actually, I'll be very sad about it. They're just best friends really and playing a game.

Greythorne · 19/10/2013 09:35

Not sure why you think it's all down to the girls?
And your boy apparently innocent.

Sexist much?

Ledkr · 19/10/2013 09:41

Yes it's happening in dds yr 7 class too.
At first I was shocked but if I thought hard could remember doing the same (his name was even Nigel! Nigel?)
Dd pretends to be horrified and claims not to be at all interested but in reality they are all starting to notice the opposite sex and it feels very real to them.
Last weekend she lightly joked that her mate was "going out" with a boy she liked first! She went to great lengths to say how she wasn't bothered but I could see her sad little face so gave her a massive cuddle and chatted about "boys" it hopefully paved the way for future more crucial chats.
It's easy to dismiss these early feelings but they are all part of them learning about relationships .

kaymondo · 19/10/2013 10:24

I know a couple who were going out with each other in year 7 - they're still together now, early 30's, 2 kids!

MrsDavidBowie · 19/10/2013 10:27

Dd is 17 and is yet to have a boyfriend

bruffin · 19/10/2013 10:45

Same here MrsDB DD 16 and not had a boyfriend, although has lots of boy friends one of which is her best friend. DD should really have been called Emma after Jane Austin's Emma as she seems to spend all her life organising her friends relationships but doesnt seem interested in one herself.

lljkk · 19/10/2013 17:12

meh. I was 19 or 20 before I had a boyfriend, but I am not bragging about that, was fairly embarrassing all things considered. Mostly down to me being crap at the whole dating thing. I'm very glad that DC are more confident at trying to play the game from a younger age.

MrsDavidBowie · 20/10/2013 08:24

Exactly the same as my dd bruffin

i was 19 before I had a boyfriend too.

Original poster

kitnkaboodle · 21/10/2013 00:30

"Not sure why you think it's all down to the girls?
And your boy apparently innocent.

Sexist much?"

Greythorne - just repeating what he told me about it being mostly instigated by the girls. He's definitely not the object of anyone's affection. I'd be quite pleased if he was, actually, but I don't think they've discovered the attractions of geek chic yet!

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pointyfangs · 21/10/2013 16:02

It's very normal in Yr7 - though DD1 who is now in Yr8 has declared that all 12yo boys are stupid and she isn't going to date anyone until she has passed her A levels. I am encouraging this attitude but obviously will understand if it changes.

She did get asked out by a 17yo German exchange student a few weeks ago - in his defence I must mention that she is 5 ft 6, has a figure and is very mature in her speech so I doubt he realised how young she was. She asked me what she should say to him so I just told her to tell him she was very flattered but she was only 12 and not interested in dating. Whereupon he apologised to her and all was well. She did say she was impressed with his maturity but she was not changing her mind about when she was first gonig to date.

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