Bear with me, this is a bit complicated....
I have a DS who is in year 11. He goes to the second nearest comprehensive. I chose not to send him to local secondary as at the time of choosing it was about to go into special measures for the second time in 4 years, it had the second worst GCSE results (21% inc English and Maths) in the LEA. The school my son attends is a slightly above average academy. It involves a 20 min bus ride which costs me several hundred pounds per year. However, to put the travelling in perspective, we are very rural and I have friends children who have to travel 2 hours one way for nearest grammar or specialist schools. A lot of children travel out of the town for secondary schools.
The local school has since improved and students now gain average GCSE results. However, the last A level results are still the second worst in the LEA despite getting a recent "good" ofsted report.
DS is achieving as expected but is a bit lazy, with more effort, could achieve lots more, in my opinion. He rushes homework on the bus and has become very lazy at home within the last few months. He wants to spend every waking hour on the PC and is pretty much refusing to socialise away from his PC. He has some very high aims regarding his career but I fear he may be disappointed if he doesn't put more effort in. His attitude towards me has changed recently too and pretty much all communication has dried up and he has become the proverbial "Kevin the teenager". Pretty much disagreeing with anything I say whilst doing nothing but gaming. He is also someone who thinks anything he hasn't got is better than what he does have.
He has started making noises about wanting more time in bed in the mornings and so thinks the local sixth form is a good option. He also seems to think he could just pick up the friendships he left behind in year 6 at primary and start again in year 12!
That's the first point, the second is this;
When I was choosing secondary schools I was a single Mum (DS is an only child) but I had just met my DP. When DS was 12 years old, we moved in with my DP into his home. DP has 4 kids who at that time lived 2/3 with Mum and 1/3 with us. This all changed 18 months ago when DSD2 who is in the same school year as DS moved in with us full time.
The secondary school age step children all attend the local secondary school. They are all very bright (more intelligent than my DS) and have done OK, but DSD1 has just dropped 2 A levels and has now given up on her plans to go to uni. DSD2 was made to take 2 x GCSE subjects she didn't want to take and now she has been told that she cannot take these subjects as they haven't had teachers to teach the courses properly. Their Mum chose the school for them and although DP says he would have preferred for them to go to another school, he never pushed the issue. All are very positive about their school.
We have had a number of issues, the main one being the relationship between DS and DSD. To be frank, I am terrified they are going to start a sexual relationship because I know then that DS and I will have to move out. DSD has some issues in that she has run away from Mum and I think feels the need to find comfort from my DS. She spends ALL her spare time sitting next to him and following him from room to room. She has begged him to wait for her if she does an after school club, so he gets off his bus and stands outside her school for 30 mins so she can walk home with him. She has friends and a boyfriend and when she sees them she will leave DS alone. However, if he has friends round (rarer and rarer lately) she will sit between them and follow them both around. She talks very negatively about his friends. I also know she is trying to persuade him to attend her school.
So, firstly I don't want my son to go to a school which I feel doesn't get the results and improve the children as much as his current school.
Secondly, I feel if DS and DSD2 both attend the same school (and probably the same lessons) the unhealthy dynamic of clingyness and lack of independence becomes stronger. they will literally be spending every minute of every day together. He would have no friends, so i suspect this would suit DSD very much in that he would hang out with her at lunchtimes etc.
So firstly what real say do I have here? Do I try and persuade DS? (I'm scared the more I try, the more he will want to go to local school). Do I just let them get on with it and deal with the fall out? Do I try and insist on separate schools (I would love DSD to attend grammar school but she won't hear of it)? Do I give sanctions for not doing as I want?
I'm feeling very worried and quite angry too. I have tried to do the best by DS and I feel this is his way of showing some independence by saying "I don't want what you want" for the sake of it.