Should he continue learning a musical instrument?

[BlogOnTheTyne]

Do children, later on in life, regret dropping learning a musical instrument?

DS, (one of twins) 12, is the most musical one of my DCs. At age 7, he was targeted by the school to learn viola, after the whole class were given violin lessons all year. He had been playing trumpet and piano but had dropped piano and was progressing well with trumpet. At the school's recommendation, he swopped to viola and got Distinction at Grade 1. He was also, at that time, a leading light in school musical productions, getting solo singing leads etc.

That's the relevant background. He now wants to drop viola - which would mean he doesn't learn an instrument at all. He'd got to grade 3 only. He doesn't sing anymore. His twin - who is less musical - has forged ahead in Trumpet (now grade 6) and belongs to several school brass ensembles. In the wider family, all the cousins uncles and aunts and myself sing and play at least one and often 2 or 3 instruments. So we're a musical family at the 'enjoyment' level - not professional.

I'm now torn between letting DS drop viola, as he keeps asking to, won't practice and hates having to go to the school strings ensemble once a week - and wondering if he'll regret it later on? Should he swop to another instrument or is that now too late, given he rarely gets time to practice even if he wanted to - because of homework commitments?

At age 5, he was composing music on piano and will sometimes still mess around on piano and keyboard for fun, picking out pop music. However, he's at a school where the level of musical ability is v high (some children got their diploma at age 10, others are now at grade 8 in their instrument) and he's never going to be that good or that committed and would already be way behind his peers who've bene playing an instrument - or two - since age 2 or 3.

I don't know if this is part of adolescence really and should support him to carry on - or a genuine dislike of the instrument or a hatred of giving up more of the little time he has, to practice or attend a music group at school. He's never felt physically comfortable with the viola. He has a good ear for music but certainly not the attitude of having fun whilst learning.

I'd love to hear what others think and other's experiences of whether they let their DCs drop their instrument or supported them to carry on - or change instruments or what? I'd personally feel upset if he stopped as he's so musical compared with me and DT2. However, I've already given up completely on trying to get him to practice as the battles were awful. He can get by with no practice, actually, but what a waste of my money, apart from anything else.

What do you think?

any chance of speaking to the school and seeing if he cannot change to keyboard/piano a bit sooner since he really doesn't like viola and has no interest in continuing it? Hard on the viola teacher too to teach a talented child who just doesn't want to learn it and won't practise. Maybe they can make an exception. I think having to stick it out for 2 full terms when you have reached the point that you want to stop is not great.

He won't have to join an ensemble if there is nothing at his skill level. Give him 2 years and he'll be able to join in something. His problem is that he is naturally talented so music comes relatively easy to him and he has never had to practise so never got into the habit of it. THen he quit at the point where practise was going to be essential. If he changes to keyboard/piano then under the condition that he is practising daily. Worth a try anyway. However I feel once they reach this age, their music making is in their own hands. If you try and enforce anything, you just put them right off. I was quite involved when dd was smaller but I have sensed that now is the time to back right out of it.

How long would it take his fingers to toughen up enough to play guitar without pain? I'm thinking if he practised say every second day for 10 minutes?

I also thought about individual singing lessons (no sore fingers!) also not quite the same input in terms of practice. Also wondering if the viola teacher plays a bit of piano and might consider giving him a hand with that in combination with theory - might be possible to make some progress on keyboard/piano with that teacher if the 2 terms have to be sat out. Would be a kindness on the part of the teacher though, not sure how likely it is.

So tricky isn't it? I have a 9 year old who would rather play minecraft than learn the piano (despite having begged me to let him have the piano up from Grandma's house 2 years ago...)

But as a parent I think he needs to stick to it. I'm not bothered about exams (within reason - I mean ideally he will eventually do a few) but would like his initial attraction to the instrument to grow into a lifelong skill and source of pleasure.

But he is 9 and not 12. Although he does sound very temperamentally similar to your son - he has been put off lots of different things by seeing other people excelling at them - he can be more actively managed into persevering with hobbies.

If your son is genuinely musical then I would be actively searching for another outlet for that as you are. Speak to him, to his music teacher, there must be a compromise that can work?