faith admission criteria advice - how do they know our attendance?

[3birthdaybunnies]

Dd1 is in yr4. There are two faith secondaries which we will consider - among other options. Both give priority to those attending church at least 3 times a month. We probably attend our local church 2/3 Sundays. No specific parish is prioritised, so would fall into the Catholic category for RC one and the 'any other Christian Church' category for the other school.

Outside of this we may well attend or visit churches - just not our parish one. For example both sets of parents are 80+ and live over 2 hours away, we visit them probably about 10- 15 weekends a year. When visiting FIL we will always take him to Mass. At my parents (less often) we will sometimes go to the cathedral, but it depends on our travelling plans and if we need to see FIL on the way back. We have tried to arrange to go to our church more since dd was doing her first Communion. On holiday we will usually visit churches/ pilgrimage sites (e.g. Lourdes) but not attend a French Mass. To complicate further now that ds is in nursery I will be free to attend my own church (c of e) midweek - our agreement on marriage was that the dc would be raised Catholic, and although I support dh in going with them to Mass I have increasingly realised that I will not convert so want my own church too.

How does the local priest decide who has attended regularly? There doesn't appear to be any sign in book, but they do take attendance at the children's catechism - term time only but they don't always want to go. Ds in fact is often vocal about not being there at all so we might be memorable! Do the other attendances count- do we need to document them to show to him/ school. I know we could just go to our local church more, but our elderly relatives are a higher priority than a school place - but don't want dd to miss out if she wants to go to them, like all other parents we just want the school we percieve to be best for her. It just seems that school admissions aren't geared up for the complexity of modern life.

Download the schools' priest reference forms from their websites and check the wording. You could then discuss your attendance at his church and elsewhere with your priest and see what he is comfortable signing for. Our church doesn't have any frmal system of recording attendance, but the priest seems to have a pretty good idea about families' attendance.

The first thing I would check is whether the RC school accept attendance at a C of E church / cathedral. It used to be a big 'no no', to the extent my father wasn't 'allowed' (the priest told him he couldn't) to be best man for a friend as it was 'taking part' in a non RC service. I know a lot of things have changed over 50 years but just in case you have an old fashioned priest or school admissions it is best to check.

You seem to be a regular attender so ask the priest at the local church and explain about FIL. A 5 min conversation with your dd and he will know if she has attended mass at her gps.

And there is the telephone, nothing wrong with your local priest calling the one where FIL attends, particularly if he is a regular and the priest visits him.

I met my Nana's priest at her funeral, he knew all the grandchildren by name, where we lived, what our jobs were, who was married to who and who the great grand children were. So although the priest at FILs church may not know you as Mr and Mrs 3birthdaybunnies and dc, he probably knows you as FILs family.

Thanks, the Cathedral is Catholic- sorry if I didn't make that clear - dh isn't happy with the dc going to c of e services. It is just me going to c of e on my own - but they may recognise my attendance at rc church as cumulative attendance. I will talk to one of the priests - it seems a bit premature in some ways but I know that they ask about last 3 yrs so already 2yrs into that. I can't see how they can definitely know - v large church ~ 500-1000 each Mass, plus there are 3 main priests who take it in turns. FIL does always like us to talk to the priest, although he also complains that he never sees us even when we only visited two weeks before. I can only see our visits getting more frequent to them so issue will get worse. The dc will confirm that we go to Mass there but I think that it is just the parents who go to the meeting.

Your personal attendance at a C of E Church will have no bearing on a secondary application. It is the attendance of your children that is the issue.

You can get two reference forms, one you give your local parish priest, and another for the priest in the cathedral. Make sure you are known to him - ie introduce yourselves and your children to him, tell him you are attending his church when visiting the area.

Visiting churches abroad wont count, most people do that, and go on pilgrimages etc.

You may find your family need to attend holy days of obligation in addition to 2-3 times per month, like for example for All Saints, etc.

Note, some schools prioritize children with a Catholic upbringing baptized younger than 6 months old. Make sure you read the admission criteria of your local Catholic secondary very well.

Thank you Quint there is currently no requirement at the either school for baptism within certain time frame. dd1 was within 6mo.The others were within a year as I wasn't well enough to do it any earlier. Once one is admitted then the others qualify as siblings ahead of all others within their category (though not sure I agree with sibling preference at secondary level). The requirements for both schools say it is the parental attendance which is considered - although clearly dd1 comes with dh anyway. The RC school say they assess it giving preference to those attending the main Sunday Mass which we do.

Although further away we would currently probably be offered the RC school anyway as neighbours meeting none of the criteria have done. Dh however goes to the schools professionally and would prefer the other school, although we would come below CofE 3xmonth category and is more oversubscribed. I will see how many letters we are able to submit and take it from there.

Many priests reckon they know who is in their flock and how often they go. It sounds like you go plenty. I suspect you will be fine, especially if your kids are at a catholic primary.

Should say though that they need to be baptised but no time criteria. Dd1 did HC classes at the right time.

Not at Catholic Primary as too far to travel - nearly 2 miles by foot and had no car when applied.

In my experience the priest/vicar/minister should be aware from a pastoral point of view that some families are away visiting elderly parents and would still count your family as regular attenders. Perhaps your priest could confirm this by phone contact with your relatives churches?
If you are attending a different C of E church regularly then I would include this on the form. On the form for dds faith school there was a box for "other churches attended" for you to add the name of the church and vicar. You also had to add information about the number of years attended. The form we filled in also included the child's attendance. Some children in our church have been awarded places at local faith schools (C of E and RC) based on only the child's attendance (verified by Sunday school register).
Usually though they only count the attendance of ONE parent so that the admissions policies do not discriminate against single parents.

Thank you crazymum as I go with the family on Sunday and in week will probably be best to use my attendance then. Hopefully they will understand about elderly relatives etc. It just seems that compared to the rest of the admissions criteria (e.g. distance to the nearest cm) it is a bit random as to whether you have made enough impact for the priest/ vicar to know you. It is different in a small church where everyone knows everyone else, but ours is massive, we tried another church but that was tiny, and our 3 doubled the whole sunday school.

The Sunday school stops at end yr 3 so there is no way of verifying dd's attendance either. There are selective schools and non-faith schools which we will consider too - but I think dd1 particularly might thrive in the faith schools, also the faith/selective schools are all within walking distance, other schools are over 3 ymiles away. Not so bothered about the religious education element as we take them to church and teach them at home. The ethos though is important to us.