Big year 7 wobble - advice please

[freelancescientist]

DS started year 7 this week - usual story- tiny lovely primary to huge scary High School.

All well half day Tues, full day Weds and Thurs. Thursday night tears about PE today. Bloody PE. Double maths, spanish, all fine. PE sends him into floods of tears. He was also tearful this morning and then this wasn't helped by the fact that his walk to school buddy got a lift with her Dad and didn't tell him so he had to go alone for the first time.

Phone call today at work about 10am (PE lesson time) - school have phoned grandma and DS has taken himself to sick bay with a tummy ache. Grandma has explained he is worried about PE so year head and form tutor have a chat but he is feeling rotten so grandma brings him home.
We have tried to chat tonight but he cries every time we try to talk about PE - we have got some ideas that he is worried about changing in time, losing his clothes and valuables and that he is also rubbish at PE.
Oh God -he has done so well but today he has wobbled big style. How do I get him back from this? DH says he just needs to man up and I know he can't go through the next 7 years avoiding PE in the sick bay but I'm worried. You can tell he is PFB I'm sure!

I've advised him to write down what he is worried about and we will go through them and find solutions. Any other ideas? Helpful stories?

Aw poor thing
At least he's talking to you
I'd just keep bolstering him up, telling him it will be fine but that he'll have to do it
Be firm but kind, no telling him to man up Dh !

I feel for you as I have a newbie ds this week too. A very good friend of mine has a school refuser, so I think this has made me a bit paranoid.

So far, my ds is full of it, but I am analysing everything he says! He hasn't had much homework yet - I am sure that with take off the gloss.

Please give it a couple of weeks more - it will almost certainly get better.

Thank you -bolstering him up is a good idea. I'm trying the bribery angle as well. I know it is early days but I have a cousin who was a school refuser too so I think I'm panicking a bit.
Agree that it is good he is talking to us - and also that he went off to find help and didn't just run away - and that he managed two lessons before his 'tummy ache' hit - he could have easily wimped out of school altogether this morning when he called for his friend and she had gone.
Oh this is so hard - I just want him to be happy but he just has to DO it for himself...............

Can you find out exactly what he is afraid of and work through it with him over the weekend.
Is it getting undressed in front of his classmates? not being very athletic? losing his stuff? Changing too slow? Or just fear of the changing rooms - apparently it is common for new secondary school kids to be afraid of the toilets and changing rooms as there are usually no teachers present.

In the meantime, Rescue remedy works for me when I feel anxious........

Why don't you ring the school and ask to talk to his PE teacher about the worries he's having - as a teacher, I'd be really upset if I knew that my subject was causing problems and I didn't know about it.

If you're not too sure of getting hold of people at the school, just ask for his form tutor and - usually -they will be able to put you in touch with the right person, or will contact them themselves.

I would possibly ask whether it's possible for your DS to have a 'run through' of a PE lesson at lunchtime (with a friend), where his PE teacher (or a Year 11/6th Former) takes him on a tour and talks him through a typical lesson.

Other than that, maybe he could have a 'PE Buddy' in his form (if he doesn't have a special friend yet, the tutor should be able to choose a confident/friendly child) so that he's got a ready-made partner, and someone to get changed/line-up with him.

Maybe the PE teacher could issue him with a 'get out' card, so that he can sit on the side if he really panics, but gets a credit/merit/house point if he gets through the whole lesson?

But remember that it's still very early days, and he won't be the only wobbly Year 7 in his year. All sorts of problems crop up and the school will be used to dealing with them.

freelance, it's so tough to watch them wobble. But in a way it's good that his anxiety is focuse din one area. It means you know what the problem is and how to address it.

Your post chimed a bit with the post I made about DS2 being very disorganised (also bad at PE) and potential dyspraxia problems. The thread is here There are some really great tips on that thread.

Hope he settles in soon. It's such a huge change for them.

Thanks so much for all your helpful comments.
His year head has been great so far - she was going to chat to the PE teacher on his behalf and I think that having the wobble at school has meant they will keep an eye on him for the next few weeks. I get the impression this PE teacher is quite new and young and a bit shouty.
It is partly the changing that is a problem - and they have to hand their valuables in so that has made him worry that his other stuff might get nicked from the changing room - he asked what he would do if all his clothes got pinched.
One problem this week is solved - his PE lesson is just before morning break so he doesn't have to rush as much getting changed for his next lesson.
If it continues next week I'll have to speak to someone I think but hopefully we can get him through a lesson and then I think he'll be fine as long as it goes OK.
We are getting there I hope but he seemed to be settling so well.....

One of my tutor group was similar, went home early a couple of times feeling ill etc. He just left sixth form with a handful of excellent A-levels and is off to Uni to study English Literature :)

Keep boosting his confidence, work on the PE and perhaps ask if he can see the head of year if he is feeling wobbly instead of going to the sick room.

Could you have a practice oh him getting changed from school uniform to pe kit and back again over the weekend, challenge him to the fastest time so he can build up his confidence on that front a bit?

Thanks giraffe - I am (unrealistically I'm sure) worrying that this will be a blight on his whole school career so it is good to hear of a success!

Morning - thanks for that- we have had a practice and I have also reassured him that we won't 'go mad' if he loses any kit in the first few weeks or any uniform.

Kids eh? Never stops does it?

Another useful tip is to actually make sure he has nothing valuable on him...no phone or cash! Unless there is a vital reason for it,. DS's school is a no cash, no phone/ipod etc school...and it does relieve a lot of the stress and potential for bullying.

My ds has some motor issues and was also really worried about PE changing times.

Dh did him a double windsor tie knot on his first day and so far he's been able to just loosen it and pull it off over his head, then pull it back on an tighten it after PE.

He also only undoes the top few buttons on his shirt and we've bought shirts from Next that have elastic instead of stitching on the cuff buttons, so he can just slip his shirt on and off without fiddling with every single button.

We've also bought Lock Laces (elastic sports laces that runners etc use) - although we got a cheaper, smaller, less obvious set off ebay - for his football boots, so that they only take a couple of seconds to get on and off.

moose your post is so helpful :) my ds has problems with shoelaces, ties we think he may have mild dyspraxia. Will look for those shoelaces. Poor boy has to usr his tie as a blindfold in pe :( we have put a spare in his jacket pocket so hr can just whip it out and put it over his head.

Thanks!

No problem SalaciousCrumb.

If it helps, we bought these laces in black, as we felt they were a little less conspicuous than the official Lock Laces.

They are used by people that do multi-challenge sports, such as triathlons etc, where they have to switch footwear quickly and runners and cyclists sometimes prefer them to traditional laces as there's less excess to flap about.

Ask for a meeting with the Head of Year and talk through it with them. They are used to wobbles, and will help you get to the bottom of it, and find a strategy that works.

Thanks again so much for positive help and ideas.

We got him through his PE lesson with a combination of all of the above. He took no valuables with him, we practised getting changed, loads of confidence chats and an offer of a DS game at the end of the week (!).