DS unsettled in new sixth form. Alternatives?

[Annabel1066]

Help! DS, 17, is not settling into new sixth form - I know it's early days but he's been so unhappy since having had, for him, disastrous AS results. Wasn't able to re-take at his old school and all but one local sixth forms and colleges wouldn't let him, either. Sadly, he's found himself in a very large school with, it has to be said, a bit of a rough reputation. His morale is low - he's feeling quite dismal about things.

Today it's pouring with rain and he would not take an umbrella or coat, implying that he'd be ribbed for doing so - don't think so, but that's his state of mind right now.

Anyone else got a DC who finds themselves where they would rather not be? We're being positive, upbeat but of course we have to understand how disappointed he was with his results and how he felt when doors kept slamming in his face - except this one.

I so want him to be happy - if he's not, he may not work and that's half my worry - that and wanting him to enjoy sixth form life.

Mind stupidly - or not - racing. Residential sixth forms/FE colleges which aren't too big (he's very shy and lacks rather a lot of confidence), especially ones that don't cost a packet? State provision along these lines? This is mad because DS wants to be at home but perhaps there is somewhere out there that is welcoming, nurturing, and believes in second chances.

I had to move schools halfway through my A-levels and at first I found it really, really tough. I hated it, cried all the time etc. Then I started making friends and I ended up really enjoying it. I also ended up with very good grades (some of which were re-sits and I had failed the first exams).

I would just give your DS as much support as possible and see how things go. You never know, he may end up loving it!

Well no one at my DCs comprehensive wears coats unless there is rain on the ground. They do use umbrella sometime though.
Why don't you talk to the head of sixth form or his form tutor?
As today is only the first real day of school at DCs comprehensive, I do think it is far too soon.
Anyway if he is retaking, it shouldn't be about enjoying it but buckling down to pass. Is he doing the same subjects or different ones?
My DS starts a new school next week to retake year 12, but he has changed to a BTec and an A level. I think this way of working will be better for him.

He's new. He doesn't want to stand out. I expect he's uneasy rather than unhappy.

From my experience it takes a good few weeks for things to shake down. Does the school have an induction programme? DSs school had quite a few activities for year 12 that got everyone talking.

You have my sympathy, mine has gone back to his old school, after a year at a local 6th form college. He is retaking year 12. He is also a bit embarrassed and upset. I tell him that this year isn't really about fun tbh. The school are just providing the means for him to get the qualifications he needs.

Is there a club or interest outside of school that he could get involved with so that school loses it's importance in a social sense.
I may not be making sense, but it is just for a year or two, and although it's nice to make lots of friends and have a busy social life, these days all that really matters is that they get qualifications.
They can do the social stuff at weekends.

Shame I know and very different from when I was 17/18 & you could learn for it's own sake as well as for a career.

Tricky. If he got poor grades from not working hard enough, then he's learning a valuable lesson this year. If he worked hard, then I'd probably want to move him too. Either way I'd get him to stick it out a bit longer.

I went to 6th form far away from anyone I'd been to school with. The first lot of people I started hanging round with were ok, but after a few months I found a friendship group who I loved. I had a ball (and passed my exams!).

Best of luck to your DS.

He's unlikely to settle if you are exploring alternatives.

Excellent comment Library.

Annabel - sixth form will fly over. It's effectively only 20 months so it might be that another move would do more harm than good.

And as for brollies and coats. None of mine will wear coats and I can only think of one occasion when I've seen a boy come out of school using a brolly. It's just not done - where we are anyway!

He's also unlikely to do well if he is unhappy I think. I think unless you have reason to think this school is a real disaster for him, I would stick with it but quite see why you are worried and agree about enjoying sixth form life - it is about growing up, taking responsibility, forming relationships - all those things mean you get more out, and put more into, work. If it is large, he is likely to find like minded souls I'd have thought but it may take longer. I suspect everyone feels uneasy at first, and that will translate into not wearing a coat! Does he have friends or activities outside school to keep his confidence up?

Where are you OP?

My DD has just started at college rather than go back to Sixth Form at school. It was initially against my better judgement, but I can see how happy she is there, and is loving the independance that you don't get at a school. Would he prefer a college do you think?

We're not too far into the school year for him to change his mind. Schools/colleges don't ahve to submit their census for 6 weeks, so they're happy for late applications up until then (after they've submitted census they don't get funding, so might be more reluctant to accept a late application).

PS - coats, umbrellas etc are a big no for a teenager, in any circumstances.

Thanks, all!

Point taken - entirely - about coats and umbrellas - though DS came home in the morning soaked!!

Point also taken about disruption re moving - it's just that he's so down - part of that is as a result of having got, pretty much, kicked out of school for failing ASs and being told an emphatic 'no' by local colleges.

We're being as upbeat and supportive as possible - DS has a real confidence issue - was brought up in work experience reports and it means that he finds making friends painfully difficult. Joined a society at school but, for the present, has no intention of doing so in his new sixth form. But for me what matters now, is that he settles into a routine and regains some confidence in himself. At least they let him in - horray!

tywysog - hope your DD enjoys college - and thanks for info about the census. Rusty - hope your DS soons forgets any embarrassment and begins to feel at home in his old school again.

Thanks again, all.

Good luck to him. I am sure you are right about routine and regaining confidence - maybe treating him like a slightly younger boy, looking at his work and praising, doing more family stuff than you would normally if possible, might help, a bit like them needing to regress a little when ill?

tired - thanks. These are lovely ideas. DS feeling rather grumpy and, I think, rather alone and shy in this big new environment and although he's sending out signals that he doesn't want to talk much, I'm more than happy to up the family time, especially as older siblings aren't at home except in the holidays.

Be careful. The census is in five weeks but by then we will have done assessments and normally ask a couple to leave. We close our books on Tuesday and will accept no one else as it is too disruptive to teaching and learning

In the same boat

It’s actually not legal for his old school to kick him out based on AS results (if it is a school and not a college). There was a big scandal a few years back about a prestigious grammar school doing just that. I think you should approach his original school and ask them to provide you with their exclusion policy so that you can check whether it was followed properly for your DS. It won’t have been. Some schools “forget” that the legislation on school exclusion applies to school sixth forms too. Their choice is to progress him onto the second year or to provide him with a chance to resit year 12.
As a Head of Sixth Form it really irritates me that some schools see nothing wrong with doing this. My guess would be that asking for the exclusion policy will result in some backpedaling.

Zombie thread

@TulipsAndLilacs Damnit! I always get suckered by zombie threads.

Might be a zombie thread, but I have this issue with my kid right now! And no doubt, a lot of kids who can't settle instantly in a new environment, and not necessarily one of their own choosing, will be going through some isolation, and feeling inept at making just one or two new friends. Any advice on that other than to tell them to take it a day at a time?

@Thinker123 I think if you start your own thread you’ll get a lot of good advice. By resurrecting a zombie thread you get people wasting their time advising an op on a situation that happened 7 years ago.

Ta !