Y7 problems? or not?

[MadeOfStarDust]

my DD is in Y7 - puts in effort, works hard, gets results - wonderful girl -mainly...

but lately she seems "ill" quite often.... 3 times in the last month, twice the month before - we've talked with her, with the school, with her mentors etc, but everyone says she's fine, no friendship problems, still working hard, always attentive in class, delightful to teach and be with etc.

She seems to have discovered that if you go to the school first aid saying you have been sick (always in the toilets, never witnessed) you get sent home and aren't allowed back for 48 hours - she has been to the doc who sees no problems, she is never, ever "sick" at home, so increasingly I'm seeing it as perhaps an attack of "lazyitis"??

The school's response was "If she says she is sick in the toilets she has to be sent home for 48 hours due to infection control" which I can understand, though it does add to frustrations when nothing appears to be wrong with her...

Is it a phase? Am I a totally mean mummy? She does have drama queen pretensions so I'm at my wits' end now trying to think of ways to solve it.. I don't work so have no problem picking her up and spending boring time with her (we don't let her do ANYTHING other than rest when she is off). I guess I'm worried there IS something wrong AND worried there ISN'T....

Anyone have any advice or been through this - and out the other side???

It could well be that the novelty of being in secondary/grammar school has worn off and she's ready for a break. You've only got 2/3 weeks until she breaks up, so maybe hang on until then and you can at least monitor if she's ill in the holidays. If she's okay and it starts up again in Year 8, then I would worry then.

It you do have a chat, tell her she can tell you anything, it doesn't matter whether it's something small or big. Perhaps, she is feeling a bit stressed without realizing it. Does there seem to be a pattern to it, ie being off on a certain day of the week more, which may indicate she doesn't enjoy something in school much.

You say there are no friendship problems - my daughter and all of her friends have certainly had them this year, regularly falling out. They are still all learning to deal with friendships, so it could be something simple like feeling left out occasionally, another girl being a bit blunt how she says something. You could make a point of inviting lots of friends to yours in the holidays and see how that goes. If friendships are okay, but something else is bothering her, then having a good set of friends will be a positive thing each day.

Hope things sort themselves out soon.

not sure how to tackle it, but at least its the summer hols soon. If her sickness miraculously disappears during the summer and reappears come september that might reinforce your thoughts on the matter.

A few thoughts:
Is she managing to get all of her homework in on time?
are there subjects like pe that she might hate with a passion?
does she do lots of out of school stuff? (is she over pressured?)

My ds also in year 7 has been sick a lot this year but school don't send him home. He was on anti bs before Xmas & one of the side effects was sickness & he threw up most days for 2 months. Sometimes he says he was sick in toilets & then went back to his lesson. I think if it obviously isn't a bug then she shouldn't be getting sent home. Also ds threw up repeatedly on his school camping trip last week & they just told him to lie down, I think that was a nit of sunstroke. The school need to use their judgement. Does she walk home or do you have to pick her up?

Yes my DS Year 7 has been off for a few days here and there with stomach cramps, which the doctor says are from stress and worry. He's taken a while to settle this year, and is still not entirely settled socially. I think we underestimate what an enormous leap it is going to Year 7. My DS he didn't know anyone, and quite a few of them had been together for years, as the school starts in reception, and goes to sixth form. I'm hoping Year 8 is better.

Was she like this at primary?

Maybe she is exhausted with all the effort of being a perfect student/friend, etc, and this is her way of getting back to strength?

DD has been a bit like this. I do think she's finding secondary a lot more tiring than primary and there have been friendship issues which hasn't helped.

DD has vomited lots, most weeks. Its only ever a tiny bit though - which she always manages to "save" to show me as proof. I have wondered if she's retching on purpose after eating to try and skive off school.

She's tried the going to the sick bay thing. I've had school ringing me up saying that she's told them she's been sick the previous evening, etc. School have however been good when I've explained the situation and she doesn't have to be off for 48 hours unless I think its a bug. As I said to the Head of year - if I kept her off for 48 hours after every time she's vomited she's only go to school about once a week. School were also happy that she's been to see the GP who said he thinks its reflux (I don't agree, I think its stress, drama queen), but school said if GP thinks its reflux then that would explain the vomiting.

Some lovely responses thank you all - it has given me a lot to think about....

her tutor rang me this afternoon as I was concerned when I picked her up this morning, and he was full of lovely words about having talked to a lot of her teachers, her fitting in fine, being helpful, not flagging, not being picked on, generally nice all round - which did set my mind more at rest.

She did not have a single day off in Primary school - always fit and healthy - and I think now she knows you can be sent home, she is taking it a bit far...

But I think, as many of you have said, she IS finding it much more tiring and the standards (which she has set herself) are harder to keep to. (and she is such a drama queen!) I am glad summer is coming rapidly, and will certainly be watching out for any repeats in Y8 - especially as her sister starts in Y7 in September too....

After my original post, I had another thought. As she's 11, perhaps it something to do with puberty and perhaps she's getting tired, has aches or pains or is feeling run down. My daughter has been fine, but she has one friend who is constantly saying she has pains in her stomach and legs.

Great to know everything seems positive with the school. Don't be afraid to go back to them if you have any problems in Year 8, they will want to work with you and encourage her to be at school.

That did pass my mind Madmog...twice when she has been "ill" it has coincided with my period - and they say women in the same house tend to sychronise.... perhaps part of it is her body getting ready....

The good thing with our secondary is that the tutor - sorry "learning mentor" is with them up to Y11 (well I suppose it is only good if they are nice and communicate well) - so there is a continuity there.