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Secondary education

Connect with other parents whose children are starting secondary school on this forum.

Year 7 boy Very Stressed

33 replies

StressedandFrazzled · 16/05/2013 10:43

My year 7 DS moved from a state primary to an independent school in London, in September. He was top dog at primary (very happy and confident) and was only boy from his school to go to his new school where he knew no one. At first he loved it, and in some ways still does, but he's finding the social thing, very hard, and he spent Monday Tuesday and Wednesday at home, with stomach cramps, which the GP says is common in children who are stressed. The stomach thing has been going on for about two terms,(but never for as long as that) and he's had a blood test (all clear) and is having one further test. It's a mixed school, he has a few boy friends in other classes but is finding it hard pushing himself into groups and finding partners when asked to in sports lessons etc. That whole area is making him very stressed resulting in the stomach cramps. I think partly because he's very small and as he says, "it's hard when you're small to make your presence felt." We have been to see form teacher who says he's going to reintroduce a seating plan for registration, so he doesn't have to agonise over where to sit, and academically he's doing very well. But then the same form teacher emailed the next day to say sorry my DS wasn't at school, when he clearly was and he hadn't noticed somehow in registration, thereby reinforcing my DS's view that he is a bit invisible. He's joined several lunch time and after school groups, had friends over etc. but something isn't working. Last term he often found himself having lunch alone etc. Do I think about moving him? Or hope that he settles down next academic year? How common is this problem? Of course I would expect some teething problems coming from small primary, but we are in summer term now. Have to add that some of these children at his school have been together for a while, as they were in prep school together, but some of the kids who were new at 11 have settled.

OP posts:
StressedandFrazzled · 19/05/2013 08:05

Thank you for all your sympathetic and useful comments - he's been to counsellor this weekend, and did some relaxation and fell asleep! She's given him tools to work with (breathing etc) He said to her that perhaps the problem was him not being open to others, more than others rejecting him. She's given tools to work with, and am building up to big talk with school. I like the idea of breathing exercises every morning.

OP posts:
ll31 · 19/05/2013 19:44

Was there any particular reason why he went to different school than his primary friends? If he's that unhappy I would consider other schools. Their response doesn't seem great tbh

alpinemeadow · 19/05/2013 21:36

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 20/05/2013 20:15

I realise that this isn't my thread, but just wanted to update that DS1 has an initial appointment with a counsellor at school this week to see if she (and he) think it might help.

alpinemeadow · 20/05/2013 21:12

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ElizaDoLots · 23/05/2013 10:59

I hope your DS is OK. I'm wondering if your DS may be stressed about exam performance too? I have noticed quite a few spats amongst DS's friends recently and I think they are all stressed about their first set of exams (results dictate sets next year).

It's good you've managed to get him in to see a counsellor - I'm sure that will help. Could you organise a trip to the cinema or paintballing or something over half term to kick start a few friendships?

WastedTomatoGuts · 25/05/2013 21:51

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ThreeBeeOneGee · 25/05/2013 22:23

WastedTomatoGuts: the fact that one of my best friends (who he was also close to) died suddenly and unexpectedly a month ago. The fact that his mum is grieving. The fact that his brother has autism. The fact that his dad has a chronic and incurable medical condition. I'm guessing probably one of those.

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